


From Several Rooms Away

by roxashasboxers



Series: Keep Me In Your Skin [2]
Category: Naruto, Naruto: Shippuden
Genre: Accidentally Outed, Adoption, Alcohol, Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Binge Drinking, Blanket Forts, Blood, Broken kakashi, Canon-Typical Violence, Declarations Of Love, Dissociation, Drinking to Cope, Failed Adoption, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Homophobia, Hypothermia, Insane!Kakashi, KakaYama - Freeform, Kakashi is a Paranoid Bastard, Kakashi literally just stops existing sometimes okay?, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mild Subspace, Minor Suicide Ideation, Paternal Kakashi Hatake, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secret Relationship, Sick!Kakashi, Significantly Less Drunk Tenzou, Slight disregard for timeline, Smut, Sort Of, Subdrop, Tenzou Needs a Hug, Wrestling, drunk kakashi, showering together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 15:08:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16042961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxashasboxers/pseuds/roxashasboxers
Summary: Sick writer = slow updates. I appreciate all of you for sticking this out with me!Kakashi has issues. Tenzou's in love.Spoilers for Shippuden Episode 51: ReunionYou don’t really need to read Part 1 to understand this, but you do need to know this: After Team 7 first reunites with Sasuke, Kakashi turns to Tenzou seeking comfort in the form of masochistic submission. Afterwards, Kakashi walks out with the excuse of needing to see the Hokage. This story takes place immediately after that.Chapter warnings will be listed in the notes of each chapter. BDSM-themed chapters will be summarized in the notes of the next chapter.





	1. Cobwebs and Flies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Tenzou get drunk, build a blanket fort, and navigate the minefield of feelings between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably tell based on the summary, this is significantly more light hearted than the previous installment, but there’s still a lot of angst to be had.
> 
> This would have been done sooner, but I forgot we actually see what Kakashi's home looks like, so I had to go back and fix it for my own peace of mind. 
> 
> Chapter title is from Lovely by Twenty One Pilots. Fic title is from The Run and Go, also by Twenty One Pilots. Self beta’d on my phone again because I'm apparently a lazy masochist.
> 
> Chapter warnings: binge drinking, drinking to cope, very minor blood, discussions of a failed adoption, and mental breakdowns.

Tenzou flips back against the wall, letting himself come down from the overwhelming rush of being on the same planet as a frantic Kakashi. He looks around his apartment and frowns. He has never before known anyone who leaves a trail of clothes the morning _after_ , but Kakashi has somehow managed it.

Tenzou sighs and moves to pick up the underwear, ignoring the tiny spots of blood on his floor. They might be old, maybe even his own. He’ll clean them later. Right now he doesn’t really care.

It’s often like this, after they’re together in this way. Sometimes Kakashi disappears when they’ve just had regular sex. Tenzou tries not to let it bother him, to accept that that’s just how Kakashi is, but some days it’s harder than others.

Yesterday was a nightmare. He doesn’t know these kids the way Kakashi does, but he knows what betrayal feels like, and a missing Nin from Konoha is always a heartbreaking sight.

And if it was painful for him, of course it would tear Kakashi apart, of course he should have been expecting his friend to break and run, but a part of him just…

Didn’t want to believe it. Wanted to think Kakashi would keep the door open and finally let Tenzou peek inside that head of his. Which probably makes Tenzou about as crazy as Kakashi.

Kakashi Hatake doesn’t open up. He is an unorganized pile of issues and shards and poison all wrapped up in a living corpse. He’s always been broken, has been since the day they met, and time has only made him worse.

Tenzou sighs, tossing the underwear in the laundry bin and the shirt in the trash. He takes his time putting things away and pretending he isn’t counting down the seconds until he can appropriately follow Kakashi. He doesn’t want to have this conversation in the street, because then Kakashi will just run even farther, maybe take another long term mission just to get away. Fuck, Tenzou could strangle the bastard.

He throws the towels in the bin with the underwear and brings the glass and pitcher to the sink. He stops to scrub away the blood still caught in the creases of his own hands and imagines he can clean all the blood off Kakashi’s conscience.

Kakashi has only been gone for a few minutes by the time he’s done, so Tenzou takes his time repacking the first aid kit, making it overly neat. As if that matters. Everything just gets spilled during an actual emergency, bloody hands groping for whatever they need and disregarding the state of everything else.

He thinks about showering but dismisses it in favor of a quick rinse. He’s too riled up to stand in one place for long, so he forgoes actually washing and instead lets the water blast away the worst of the debris on his skin. He’s still not exactly clean when he gets out but he feels remarkably more human as he rubs a towel through his wet hair.

Tenzou takes his time dressing in fresh clothes and then looks at the clock. Kakashi should be home by now, tucked away in the corner of his room and watching his memories.

Which works well for Tenzou. If Kakashi has settled in, Tenzou can attempt a siege.

 

 

“Open up, asshole.” Tenzou shouts once he’s finally given up on Kakashi responding to his knocks. “The neighbors are gonna think you dumped me if I stay out here much longer.”

The door stays closed, as expected, and Tenzou debates just breaking in. He could, if he wanted too, but Kakashi changes his traps regularly, and Tenzou is too tired to dodge that much crazy. It’ll be easier if Kakashi just lets him in.

Another minute passes with no response to his knocking, and Tenzou decides he’s feeling a bit more awake. He walks back down the steps to Kakashi’s apartment and creates a clone.

The clone returns to the door and presses a finger to the keyhole. Wood fills the small space and the the lock turns with a quiet click. In the same heartbeat, the clone is destroyed by an overzealous amount of poisoned senbon. The spray is easily large enough to take out three standard shinobi teams. Tenzou frowns as the new memories are acquired.

“Well, poison is a new one for you.” He mumbles to himself as he creates a second clone. The number of needles were a bit more overkill than usual too, but he knows to expect overkill from Kakashi when it comes to his privacy.

The second clone repeats the action of the previous one on the next lock. Tenzou doesn’t know what kills this one, not even after it’s reincorporated into his own self. Something fast and obviously lethal.

A third clone is made and sent up the steps. It carefully opens the door and is immediately caught in a snare, wire tightening around its neck, wrists, biceps, thighs, and ankles. After a moment of struggle this clone also disappears.

“You know, you could save us both some time if you’d just let me in.” Tenzou calls, knowing his voice will carry through the open door from where he stands.

“Maybe I want to waste your time.” A muffled voice answers. Tenzou’s eyebrows rise. He hadn’t expected a response so soon.

“And your own?” He asks, sending another clone forward. This one manages to dodge a secondary wire trap as it pushes on the door but is then dispatched by two small explosions.

“I usually waste that, too.” Kakashi calls back, managing to come off as smug while speaking in a deadpan voice. Tenzou wonders if that's one of Kakashi’s special jutsu.

He sends another clone forward and rolls his eyes when this one is taken out by a time-delayed wire trap before it is even halfway up the stairs.

“Kakashi…” Tenzou says, wiping his face. He knows Kakashi is trying to annoy him right now, but knowing doesn’t make it any easier to stay calm.

“Go home, Yamato. I’m fine.”

Logically, Tenzou knows Kakashi is supposed to call him that. He knows they’re technically in public so it’s especially important that his new identity is honored, but part of him still feels hurt that Kakashi isn’t calling him Tenzou. He shoves his distress aside and creates another clone.

This one makes it past the door and at least two other traps based on the quiet thumps Tenzou can hear from inside. Then a quiet pop is heard and his head is filled with new memories of the hallway outside Kakashi’s apartment. He wonders how the other residents get by, or if maybe there’s some agreement to avoid this entrance. If Tenzou can trigger them, then they likely aren’t built with any exceptions in mind. Hell, he wouldn’t even be surprised if they recognize Kakashi _himself_ as a threat.

Tenzou sends in another clone, arms crossed in annoyance as he waits for this one to fall to a trap as well. The clone climbs the stairs cautiously and pushes the door open with a soft kick before leaping away. The door glides open silently. The clone peeks past the entrance and immediately ducks back behind the door as another timed trap goes off. Several kunai fly past and embed themselves in the wall. The clone waits a few moments and two more whiz past. After another beat, the clone enters, just as wary as before.

All is quiet for a few minutes as the clone navigates the hallway. Then Tenzou hears a few small explosions and something like metal striking metal from inside. He tenses. His clone curses loudly but doesn’t disappear. Tenzou lets his shoulders drop a bit.

“Kakashi?” The clone calls out, taking slow steps. “Where- _shit!_ ”

Tenzou sighs as this clone is also dispersed and a sudden urge to call Kakashi a crazy motherfucker wells up inside him. Tenzou glares at the building. He knew Kakashi was a paranoid piece of shit but _Kami_. He honestly can’t even figure out where most of the traps are hidden even after examining his clones’ memories. There simply isn’t enough cover for so many of them. It’s just a regular, bland, hallway.

Another clone, another trap, another puff of air. Rinse and repeat.

Tenzou’s lost track of the number of clones he's made when one finally reaches Kakashi’s actual apartment nearly a half hour later. It manages to get past the shuriken trap and another barrage of senbon but falls to some kind of contact poison.

“ _How many fucking-!_ ” Tenzou shouts, cutting himself off when he remembers that it’s still extremely early in the morning and most of the neighbors are probably sleeping. He lowers his voice but keeps it loud enough to carry. “This is ridiculous, Kakashi! If I was an enemy you would have had plenty of opportunities to take me out by now!”

“Maybe the traps are for my friends! They seem to have trouble telling when they’re unwanted!” Kakashi gripes back, voice a little clearer with one less door in the way.

Tenzou rolls his eyes. He has half a mind to wake up Naruto and overcome Kakashi’s defenses with sheer numbers. Which is technically what he’s doing, but Naruto could definitely speed things up.

Of course, Naruto isn’t the only ally he has...

“Kakashi, if you don’t disable the rest of your traps and let me in, I’ll tell the Hokage about your injuries.”

There’s a beat of tense silence. Then Kakashi responds. “Fine, but I’ll tell her who gave them to me.”

Tenzou nods acquiescently. Kakashi’s got him there. “Alright. That’s fair. Then I’ll tell her I’m having doubts about your mental stability.”

“Go ahead. She already gives me a psychological exam twice a month.”

Tenzou frowns. “Wait a minute, are you talking about saké Sundays? That’s not an exam! That’s a drinking game!”

“It’s cathartic.” Kakashi offers. Tenzou can imagine his careless shrug perfectly. He’s probably still looking at whatever copy of Icha Icha he’s had stashed away on his person today.

Tenzou drags a miserable hand down his face.

He could just go in. He knows Kakashi won’t kill him. Unfortunately, he also knows that Kakashi will probably let him get hurt in a way that is both incredibly embarrassing and just serious enough to require medical assistance, like letting him take a couple dozen drugged senbon in the butt. And then leaving the country on a month long mission.

Kakashi’s kind of a dick like that, but so is pretty much everyone who’s ever been in ANBU, so Tenzou supposes he can’t hold it against him.

He decides to adopt a new tactic. This time, the clone he sends in takes a seat on the floor outside of Kakashi’s door.

And is immediately beheaded by razor wire.

Tenzou sighs. He sends in two clones this time; one to sit by the door, and one to protect the one sitting by the door. The sitting clone keeps his voice gentle as he speaks.

“Want to build a blanket fort?”

There’s a long stretch of silence and then the bulletin board near the window in Kakashi’s apartment shifts. Kakashi leans out from the secret compartment just far enough so that Tenzou- well, his _clone_ \- can see him through the doorway. Tenzou raises his eyebrows. He hadn’t realized Kakashi could even fit in there; prior to today he’s only known the space to hold booze, lube, and on one occasion, very briefly, a litter box.

He’s still wearing Tenzou’s shirt. And those same disgusting pants...

“What?” Kakashi asks with a confused frown. 

“Do you want to build a blanket fort?” He asks again, enunciating it all in a painfully patronizing way.

“ _What?_ ” Kakashi says again, voice so low and suspicious it almost comes out as a hiss.

Tenzou scratches the back of his head. “Naruto made me help him build one, once.” Which is a lie, because he’d actually asked Naruto if _he_ could help, but Kakashi doesn’t need to know that.

“It was nice.” Tenzou finishes lamely. He’s not sure why he even asked. He hadn’t been planning to, but when he was thinking of things to lure Kakashi out, his mind decided comfort was his best bet, and laying in that fort with Naruto is one of the warmer things in his recent memory. Especially after Sakura joined them, and even still after Sai came along and asked slightly unnerving questions about the whole thing.

“I’ve never done that before.” Kakashi says, voice sounding odd, like he’s embarrassed but curious, but also like he’s too proud to be interested and still very suspicious of Tenzou’s motives.

“It’s pretty simple. And it’s better than a closet.” Tenzou hedges.

Kakashi’s eye narrows as if he’s considering throwing something deadly at Tenzou’s clone.

“I’m not talking about it.” He says, like he’s bargaining.

“You never do.” Tenzou says back with a resigned shrug.

Kakashi stares at him a few moments longer and then leans out and gets to his feet in a single motion. Tenzou’s clone starts to rise as well and then suddenly he’s back outside with the fresh memory of a shuriken in his neck. Another poof is heard from inside and it’s quickly accompanied by a sharp phantom pain in his leg.

“Kakashi!” Tenzou yells angrily, forgetting about the time again. A startled animal scurries through the bushes behind him.

“Just wait.” Kakashi calls back, like Tenzou is being dumb and ignoring the most rational option. Like Kakashi “I’d booby trap my own closet if I had one” Hatake even knows anything about rationality.

Tenzou rolls his eyes and leans back against the railing of the stairs. He hears a few quiet snicks and bumps, and then a few more before he realizes Kakashi is disabling traps.

A lot of traps. 

A hilariously _obscene_ amount of traps.

About three minutes pass before the sounds finally cease and Kakashi’s voice rises from his original location. “It’s safe now.”

Tenzou frowns suspiciously, because Kakashi’s version of safe is very different from his own. He sends a clone in ahead of him, just in case. Only once the clone has made it inside does Tenzou even start up the steps himself.

He enters the hallway cautiously, half expecting to fall through a trapdoor. He’s still struck by how _ordinary_ everything looks. Before today, he’d never known this place could hide so many traps; he always figured Kakashi only bothered with the doors and his own space, not the fucking _hallway_. It’s a boarding house for crying out loud!

His poor neighbors.

Also, what kind of landlord puts up with this shit?

Tenzou rolls his eyes and crosses the open space slowly, matching his footsteps to those of the clone he sent ahead. It’s strange to be so alert here, in probably the most well protected place in the city, bested only by the Hokage’s Tower.

Of course, today it’s protected from _him_. Not a moment after Tenzou has the thought does his clone disappear, taken out by a single shuriken as it steps through the door to Kakashi’s apartment.

Tenzou glares in that direction. “I thought you said it was safe!”

“One of you is enough to deal with.” Kakashi says. Tenzou rolls his eyes and sends caution to hell. Mostly. He walks right up to the door and peeks in.

Kakashi looks back at him from the secret cabinet, spinning a second shuriken around his finger lazily. Tenzou shuts his eyes in irritation as he realizes that last hit wasn’t from a trap at all, but just Kakashi using his clones for target practice. He shakes his head and enters the bedroom, watching the other man with mild suspicion. Kakashi just watches him back with a single unblinking eye and starts spinning the star in the opposite direction.

Interestingly enough, the place is spotless. Empty like a showroom, but spotless. Tenzou has never come here unexpectedly before so he’d wondered about that. Looks like Kakashi just likes dirtying other people’s homes...

Tenzou gestures at the bed and Kakashi shrugs. The brunette sits down - carefully though, the memories of his clones being destroyed still fresh.

“So a blanket fort?” Kakashi asks casually from where he’s sitting in the small space, shadows hugging him like they intend to suck him into their depths. Tenzou nods.

Kakashi leans his head out and casts an exaggerated look around his apartment. The place is small, intended for young bachelors and shinobi without the funds to pay for something bigger. The space would be cramped if Kakashi really had anything there, but he’s always been a man of simple pleasures, so aside from his bookshelves, everything else is rather plain; there’s only the bed, a desk, a chair, and a stool. A built in ledge crosses the far wall under the window and there’s a trunk tucked in the space to the left of the door.

It’s probably rigged, too.

 **“** I don’t think I have enough furniture for that.” Kakashi says with a sniff. Tenzou doesn’t think he sounds particularly disappointed.

“We’ll make it work.” He responds anyway, allowing a small tree to grow from his palm. Kakashi gives the shrub a considering look and then shrugs. Tenzou reabsorbs the wood back into his hand.

Kakashi nods again like he's too tired to have an opinion and produces a bottle from the shadows beside him. He ducks back into the darkness to pull down his mask and takes a long pull from it.

Tenzou frowns.

“That’s not your first drink, is it?” He asks.

“You tell me.” Kakashi answers, pulling an empty bottle from the shadows as well. He tosses it carelessly towards Tenzou.

Tenzou looks down at the bottle in his hands and then back up at Kakashi. There’s no label on either of them, which tells Tenzou it’s probably something illegal. He pries off the cap and gives it a sniff. A kind of gin, based on the smell. Not something he recognizes though.

“You’re trashed.” He says, a little disbelieving. He thought Kakashi was acting odd, but not much more than usual. Of course, a lot has happened since he last saw Kakashi get wasted. And that was generally on something fun, like saké.

“Was this full when you got home?” Tenzou asks, feeling a little more out of his depths than just a few moments prior.

Kakashi nods loosely and then waves a languid hand. “Don’t worry; I already threw up twice.”

Tenzou doesn’t ask where, but he does sniff the air suspiciously. He can’t smell anything but the sweaty, bloody stench of Kakashi.

Not in here then.

“Kakashi-“

“I’ll pour you a drink if you bring me a glass.” Kakashi offers, waving the bottle temptingly. Then he frowns and pulls it back towards his chest. “The bottle’s mine though.”

He demonstrates this by leaning back into the shadows to take another sip. Tenzou watches, pained.

“You know you don’t have to wear that around me.” He says softly, referring to the mask.

Kakashi chuckles and raises his eyebrow. “Already trying to get me undressed, huh Tenzou? You’re insatiable.”

“Kakashi-“

Kakashi pops out of the compartment and rolls to his feet with only the slightest stumble. “So a blanket fort?”

Tenzou stares up at his friend, the man he’d had bound and sobbing just a few hours ago, who is now shit faced and smirking like he's a decade younger and about to go down on a virgin. Tenzou rubs his face and stands as well. In for a penny, in for a pound.

“Glasses still above the sink?”

 

They manage to cobble together a rather pathetic base to build their fort on, but one big enough for them both to fit in once Tenzou uses his Mokuton to connect the end of the bed with the thicker bookshelf so the wood stretches between the two like power lines. Naruto would probably accuse him of cheating by using wood style, but Kakashi accepts it well enough. Tenzou suspects he doesn’t know the rules for building a blanket fort.

Or maybe he just likes breaking those too.

Kakashi rises from where he’s crouched next to his bed, holding two folded sheets he’s had stored in one of the drawers underneath. Tenzou raises his eyebrows. He hadn’t expected Kakashi the Minimalist to have more than one spare set.

“These are the only other blankets I have.” Kakashi says, standing surprisingly stiff for his current blood alcohol level. He never likes talking about his possessions, probably because other jounin tend to harass him about his unnecessarily spartan lifestyle. Kakashi could easily afford much more than he has, and Tenzou wonders not for the first time what he spends all his money on. Surely his books aren’t that expensive.

He doesn’t ask though. Kakashi has never liked personal questions and Tenzou is patient. He’ll find out someday.

“That’ll work.” He says, and Kakashi nods, setting them on the bed. He lifts the top sheet and begins unfolding it, looking rather competent despite his drunkenness and inexperience building with linens. Tenzou reaches out and grabs the far end of the sheet when it flaps in his direction. Sometimes he forgets that not every aspect of their relationship is difficult. It’s easy, practically effortless, working together like this. Nice, too, that the something isn’t likely to get them maimed or killed for once.

Tenzou takes the lead and kneels to cram the edge of one blanket under Kakashi’s mattress, moving down the line to tuck the corner between Kakashi’s bed and the ledge of the window. He sits back to examine his work and smiles sadly when he catches sight of the photo of the original Team 7 set on the ledge. The smile slips into a frown when he realizes that the picture of Kakashi with his own genin team is missing. Sadness courses through him and he swallows it down.

Tenzou pulls his eyes away and turns around to check on Kakashi’s progress. As he moves, a glint catches his eye from within the secret compartment between them, still slightly ajar, and with a pang, Tenzou realizes it's a picture frame. He shuts the panel without comment, something like fear filling the hollow of his chest.

When he looks up again, Kakashi is standing with his back towards him. Deliberately ignoring the action, probably.

He’s shoved his corner of the sheet between his desk and the ledge and is currently eyeing the bulletin board adjacent to the window, a kunai held loosely in his hand. Tenzou tucks his lips together at the absurdity. Leave it to Kakashi to turn a simple activity into... whatever this is.

“What are you doing?” He asks with a sigh, a small amount of fondness managing to creep past the annoyance in his voice. 

Kakashi glances over his shoulder casually. “Hmm? Oh, just trying to decide where to pin this.”

He holds up the other corner of the blanket with his left hand, eyes back on the bulletin board.

Tenzou stands up and crosses the small space between them. He keep his movements loud and nonthreatening and carefully takes hold of Kakashi’s wrist from behind. Kakashi turns his face slowly and gives Tenzou an uncertain look.

“Don’t stab your sheet.” Tenzou says blandly and leans around Kakashi to press his free hand to the cork. A small branch with finger-like tendrils grows out of the wood. It reaches out and grabs the blanket from Kakashi, pulling it back and holding it securely against the wall.

Kakashi frowns. “That seems like cheating.”

Dammit.

“Would you rather drive a knife through your blanket, then?” Tenzou deadpans.

Kakashi shakes his head. “Cheating is more efficient."

Tenzou fights back a grin as Kakashi returns to the bed for the second sheet. He holds up his hands and Kakashi throws it to him. The action is smooth and instinctive, like the push and pull of the tides. Tenzou muses that they’ll probably never outgrow the edges built into their movements, but those edges allow them to fit together in ways other people can’t. They'll never mesh as well with anyone else.

Tenzou unfolds the sheet with a hard shake and takes his end as Kakashi glides over to take the other. Kakashi begins tucking his side of the blanket under the mattress while Tenzou crams the first corner of his half in between Kakashi’s bookshelf and the wall. With a touch, the wood holding the other blanket stretches enough to fill the gap between the sheets, blocking out most of the moonlight.

Tenzou looks towards Kakashi just in time to see the rest of the sheet tugged over his Mokuton and dropping down between them, leaving him alone in the fort. After a moment, Kakashi’s left hand reaches under the sheet and lifts it so he can enter. He’s holding the bottle and Tenzou’s glass in his other hand.

Tenzou accepts the latter with a soft smile, briefly smitten to see Kakashi’s hair rising with static as it brushes against the sheets. The smirk Kakashi gives him in return is brittle, even under the mask. The simplicity of their work is gone, and tension fills the room again.

Kakashi carefully lowers himself to the floor, movements loose and lazy, but not as relaxed as usual. Tenzou wordlessly holds out his glass and Kakashi pours him a drink, his dark eye heavily lidded.

Tenzou thanks him with a nod and shifts to mirror Kakashi’s cross legged position. He sips at his drink slowly in the low light. It reminds him of the mountains.

Neither of them speaks.

Kakashi still reeks of sweat and blood and sex, all of them strengthened by the even closer quarters. Tenzou’s nose wrinkles. He didn’t spend long washing himself but _Kami_ , Kakashi stinks _way_ worse than he did immediately post mission.

“Do you even know whose blood that is?” He asks, hiding his nose in his glass.

Kakashi follows Tenzou’s gaze. He plucks at his pants curiously. “Oh. Is that blood?”

Tenzou coughs. “Is-?”

Fuck, he’s not drunk enough for this. Tenzou downs his glass and holds it out towards Kakashi. “Hit me.”

 

 

Tenzou finally begins to relax by the time he has finished half of his second glass. The taste of juniper has him feeling languid and nostalgic, mind casting back to a week long mission in the northern woods that he’s probably remembering more fondly than he should. In contrast, Kakashi seems to grow even more tense, left hand twitching on his knee while his right flexes against the bottle balanced on his thigh. He clears his throat.

“So this… this is a blanket fort.” He says simply. His voice is almost gruff.

Tenzou nods, slowly swirling his drink. “Mmhmm.”

He hadn’t realized how tired he was. He counts out the hours in his head and realizes he hasn't slept since the night before. 

 “I can’t see Naruto enjoying this.” Kakashi confesses and Tenzou snorts.

“Well, that one was a lot bigger. Plus we had snacks.” He doesn’t mention the difference in smell, but he’s definitely tempted.

Kakashi frowns thoughtfully down at the bottle. “I don’t have any snacks.” He says, slightly maudlin.

Tenzou shrugs and offers Kakashi a lopsided smile. “Sai’s books say that the company is really the most important part.”

Kakashi nods at that, forcing a brief smile in return. Tenzou’s own expression drops.

“You know you don’t have to pretend with me.” He says carefully.

Kakashi widens his eye. “Who’s pretending?” He asks in mock shock. Tenzou frowns but doesn’t push it. Kakashi is Kakashi, no matter how drunk he is.

“How are your injuries?” He asks instead.

Kakashi shrugs and shifts his gaze down towards his lap. “Probably the same as they were an hour ago. I haven’t really been paying attention.”

Tenzou nods again and tamps down on his frustration. He takes another slow sip of his drink. After a moment, he speaks.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it.” He says. “And I won’t make you. Just… know that you can.”

Kakashi doesn’t move or respond in any way. If Tenzou didn’t know him, he’d probably assume he hadn’t been heard.

After a long pause, Kakashi speaks.

“How were the others?” He asks, voice dull and surprisingly void of pretense.

Tenzou sighs and strokes a hand back through his hair. It’s still a bit damp from his rushed shower. He shrugs. “I guess how you would expect. Sai seemed pretty unaffected by it all, mostly just confused. He doesn’t really understand why this is hard for everyone else.”

Kakashi’s lip twitches at that, but Tenzou can’t tell if it’s in rage or amusement with the mask in the way.

“Naruto and Sakura were both pretty upset. I had to make Sai wait outside to deliver his report later so they wouldn’t try and hurt him. He has a tendency to… irritate people.” This time it’s definitely amusement, brief and sad as it is. Tenzou looks down and frowns at his reflection in the glass.

“Sakura was crying a lot but she was mostly quiet. She delivered her report and then she didn’t speak again. Naruto… made his feelings well known. He still isn’t ready to give up on Sasuke. Honestly, I don’t know if that’s admirable or just stupid.” Tenzou takes another drink.

“Sasuke is his friend.” Kakashi says simply.

Tenzou hesitates.

“I’m not sure Sasuke would agree.” He says after a beat. Kakashi’s eye snaps up to Tenzou’s face. Tenzou stares back, waiting.

Only Kakashi doesn’t argue the point. Unlike his genin, he knows Tenzou is right. He shrugs like he doesn’t care and takes another sip. “Agreement was never really their style.”

There’s fresh pain in his visible eye, and it occurs to Tenzou again how absolutely _trashed_ Kakashi must be. He never shows vulnerability, except on those rare nights when he lets Tenzou strip his armor away. To let his shields fall outside that room for even just a moment is almost unheard of. Guilt gnaws at him; He feels like a voyeur.

If Tenzou thought Kakashi could be trusted on his own right now, he’d walk away. Kakashi would be hurt but in the morning he’d be grateful; Being seen like this is something out of a nightmare for him. Only, there’s a part of Tenzou that fears Kakashi won’t be  _there_ in the morning if he leaves him like this. Right now, that part is screaming at him not to let Kakashi out of his sight.

It doesn’t stop him from feeling like an intruder when Kakashi actually starts to open up, his inhibitions completely annihilated.

“It’s my fault he left.” He says the words casually, like he’s musing about what proof of alcohol they’re drinking or where it’s from. He rolls the bottle between his fingers, rubbing circles into his thigh with its base.

Tenzou shakes his head. He’s been denying this since he heard about Sasuke leaving, since before he even reunited with Kakashi. “You didn’t know what would happen.”

Kakashi swirls the drink in the bottle, gray eye spinning along with it. After a moment his gaze drifts over towards Tenzou. He gives him a look full of skepticism and arrogance. “They kicked me out of ANBU 'cause I was developing ‘sociopathic tendencies’. I know exactly where grief leads isolated people. And I didn’t even _have_ a curse mark. Plus I had Gai. And then you. Sasuke doesn’t have anyone.”

“He has you.” Tenzou hedges.

Kakashi shakes his head and takes another sip. “I’m just a stranger he knew for a few months. And I make a terrible first impression.”

Tenzou snorts into his glass hard enough to blow a few drops back into his face. He snuffles, swatting at his own nose while Kakashi breaks into giggles like a lunatic beside him.

Tenzou gives his friend a considering look, still sniffing. Sometimes he wonders if Kakashi can even process grief anymore. The thought makes his chest ache.

“You know he lived alone after the massacre?” Kakashi asks, suddenly sobering. Tenzou had known, because ANBU kept an eye on Sasuke, but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to remind Kakashi of that right now, so he stays silent.

“Had his own apartment, did his own shopping, cooked his own meals. Just like Naruto. Of course, nobody wanted to adopt _him_ because of the Nine Tails.”

Tenzou frowns, catching on quickly. “I didn’t know Sasuke was available for adoption.”

Kakashi shrugs, twisting the bottle in his hands. “Nobody would take him. People thought he was bad luck.”

Tenzou looks down at his lap. It’s shitty, but it makes sense. The Uchiha Clan didn’t have the cleanest reputation before the massacre. And after...

Tenzou stills suddenly as an awful thought occurs to him. He blinks and looks up at Kakashi, not wanting to ask but knowing he has to. His chest aches with dread. “Did you…?”

“Yeeeep.” Kakashi says, popping the _p_ into the bottle that’s resting against his lips. “Submitted the paperwork a few days before the exams.”

“Fuck.” Tenzou says because he doesn’t know what else to say. It occurs to him on some level that Kakashi has probably been saving his money for them. He feels gutted by the realization.

Kakashi shrugs again, tilting his head back as he takes another pull. He lowers the bottle again and lets out a broken laugh. “As if they’d let me adopt a single child, let alone the last Uchiha and the Nine Tails Jinchuriki!”

He brushes a hand over his face and Tenzou realizes Kakashi is crying.

“And now!” Kakashi sets the bottle down on the floor next to him with a heavy clunk. He turns a bit to face Tenzou squarely, drunkenly slapping himself on the chest. “Now he’s a missing Nin, on _my_ watch.”

He laughs again, tears slowly soaking into his mask. “Fuck, they'll never let me have Naruto now. Not that they were ever going to, but I hoped maybe they’d come around someday.”

Tenzou hesitates, finger tapping nervously against the glass. “I… There were rumors about-" Tenzou coughs. “About Naruto. Well, about his parents. Are they true?”

Kakashi nods, lips curling in something like anger. “Yeah. He’s Sensai’s son. Fuck, wait, that’s s'posed- supposed to be a secret.”

Kakashi shakes his head and paws at his eyes. “Shit, Tenzou, ’m really fuckin' drunk.”

Tenzou lets out a horrified laugh, tears slipping down his face as well. “You think?”

Kakashi nods sleepily and then breaks into a wild guffaw of his own. He sounds like whatever sanity he had left is pouring out of his mouth.

In between cackles he manages to string a sentence together. “You should have- should have _seen_ the list of reasons why I was rejected! Real f-fucking father material! Hahah! A crazy, lazy, single, ex-ANBU elite. Hah! What was I even thinking?”

“What if you weren’t single?” Tenzou asks, too drunk to realize how outrageously inappropriate of a question it is until he’s asked it. He immediately slams a hand over his mouth. It’s only luck that it’s not the one holding his glass. Shit, he’s wasted, too, isn’t he?

Kakashi stops laughing to stare at Tenzou, his one eye tired and bloodshot. “Was that a- a fucking _proposal,_ Tenzou?”

Tenzou reels, waving his hands frantically enough to almost bring down the fort around them.

“No! I’m not _that_ drunk! I’ve never been _this_ drunk before and I’m still not _that_ drunk!” Which… is kind of a rude response, but this is Kakashi Hatake, the jounin who’s made an art form out of being impolite.

Kakashi chuckles, reaching under his borrowed shirt to scratch his chest. Tenzou wonders if his cheeks are pink under the mask. “Good ‘cause _I’m_ not drunk enough for that.”

Tenzou nods.

And then keeps talking because he’s very drunk and very, _very_ stupid.

“But like, I mean, you don’t have to be _single-_ single. I know we’re not like, technically together, but ever since this started it’s- there’s really only been you.” Tenzou points drunkenly at Kakashi.

Kakashi squints at him. “Like, not even marks?”

Tenzou waves his hand dismissively. “Marks don’t count.”

Kakashi points back, clearly not following. “But you still fuck marks.”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t love them.” Tenzou explains with some exasperation.

And then immediately freezes. Kakashi is staring at him, his eye blown wide. Slowly, he drags back his hitai-ate and blinks at Tenzou with his Sharingan spinning. Tenzou frantically takes a drink.

Well shit.

He doesn’t know what Kakashi sees, but the other man leans back with an unreadable look.

And is promptly covered by a blanket as the fort collapses.

They both sit there silently, a single sheet hanging low between them. Tenzou hears the bottle tip with a clatter and Kakashi cursing quietly. He feels like holding his breath. 

Wait, shit. He _is_ holding his breath.

Tenzou inhales abruptly, sparking a brief fit of coughing. Maybe he’ll just die here and it won’t matter that he’s crossed the uncrossable line.

The blankets rustle in front of him and then Kakashi’s hand gropes into view, followed by his face. His left eye is closed but the headband is gone. His hair sticks to the sheets with static. Tenzou would laugh at that but he can’t catch his breath.

Kakashi stares at Tenzou with the intensity known only to drunk shinobi. Tenzou stifles his coughing and tries to take a sip from his empty glass to avoid speaking. He doesn’t think Kakashi notices the error though, so he keeps it there, held at an angle against his lips.

“Take it back.” Kakashi says quietly, desperately.

Tenzou folds his lips behind the glass.

“Take. It. Back.” Kakashi repeats. His voice is rough and slightly slurred, but commanding. This is not a request. This is the order of an ANBU Captain.

Tenzou stares back at Kakashi’s flushed face and slowly lowers the glass in his hand. He sets it on the floor at his knee. There are lots of things he wants to say, like _no_ or maybe _fuck you,_ but neither of those come out. Instead, he says:

“Why?”

It’s almost a whisper, but it feels loud and violent in the small space.

Kakashi is silent, his stare still intense but turning frantic. His face is still covered by his mask but he looks like he might cry. Not just drunken tears but real crying, with all the grimacing and gasping and other awful, snotty stuff that entails. He takes a broken, frantic breath, lips open under his mask.

He’s looking at Tenzou like he’s just stepped off a cliff.

_Because I don’t want you to die._

The unspoken words hang between them, the closest thing to a declaration of love Kakashi might still be able to manage.

“Please take it back.” He says in a watery voice.

Tenzou swallows. Why _can’t_ he just take it back? Why can’t he just let this go, let Kakashi breathe? He’s let things be for _years_ , so why is he fighting so hard for this?

He suspects the alcohol might be a factor.

“It’s not like you didn’t know.” Tenzou protests gently, his own throat feeling full. “I know you can’t say it back.”

He blinks something out of his eye. Maybe a tear, maybe sweat, maybe even gin. Kakashi continues to look at him breathlessly, mouth and eye both wide like he’s just been fatally wounded.

“What you’re asking…” Kakashi finally manages. He sounds breathless and ragged, just like he did the night before.

Tenzou shakes his head. “I’m not asking anything. I just… I can’t take it back. I can’t tell you I didn’t mean it. And I can’t change the way I feel about you.”

He reaches out and clasps the back of Kakashi’s neck. His grip is firm, forcing Kakashi to meet his eyes. Dried blood flakes away at his touch.

“I can’t promise nothing bad will happen. I can’t promise I won’t… leave.”

 _Die._   _You mean_ **die** _._ Kakashi’s eyes well up and he grimaces hard, shaking his head. “Stop.”

Tenzou tightens his grip. “No. I need to say this. Kakashi Hatake, I love you.”

Kakashi’s face collapses like he’s just taken a kunai in his gut and Tenzou wants to strangle him. _You can have this, you idiot,_ He wants to say. _You don’t have to be alone._

“You _can’t_.” Kakashi sobs. “Not you. Please Tenzou, not _you_. Everyone who’s ever been stupid enough to love me-“

“No.” Tenzou says firmly, ignoring the fact that he’s just been insulted. “Not everyone. Gai is fine. Naruto is fine.”

He takes a hold of Kakashi’s shaking hand and presses it flat against his own heart. “And I’m fine. I have loved you for _years_ and I’m still here. Please just… just know that.”

Kakashi sobs shamelessly in front of him, too broken to hold his own pride, too hurt to be angry. He feels like Tenzou has just slid himself onto Kakashi’s own katana, growing bloodier with each inch he moves closer. He shakes his head, something like a moan coming from his mouth. The collapsed fort rustles around him and he suddenly feels trapped, feels like a monster in this small space, feels like the only way to keep Tenzou safe is to _run_.

Tenzou is anticipating it. Kakashi surges to his feet, Tenzou rising a second later so the blanket comes with them. Kakashi rips it away, feeling ridiculous as he fights his way free. He’s almost out when strong arms catch him, right around his waist. He kicks, writhing like a child as they pull him in. The sounds he’s making are barely human, the sort of thing he’s only heard from marks before, never himself.

Tenzou’s grip only grows tighter, arms spreading out and one leg hooking around so he’s got Kakashi’s entire body pinned. He’s bigger, has more raw strength, and Kakashi is too far gone to turn to his greater skill. He’s trapped, held firmly against Tenzou’s body like a cancer.

Tenzou is making a sound behind him, not words but something soft, something that makes Kakashi ache. He thrashes harder, fighting to free his arms and get away. Why won’t Tenzou just let him _go?_ Doesn’t he know Kakashi is dangerous?

They fall with the sound of breaking glass, blankets tangled over them. Tenzou’s body shifts and he’s grabbing Kakashi’s wrists, pinning him to the floor. Kakashi fights furiously, not like his own life is on the line but like Tenzou’s is. Even plastered like this he almost manages to break free, one hand clawing at the floorboards.

Suddenly, he’s being flipped over, back slamming against the floor. His body cries out from the pain, injuries weeping as his scabs crack open. Tenzou is above him, yelling his name, demanding he stop, but Kakashi can’t, not when it’s _Tenzou,_ not when his skin is poison to the touch.

“Please!” He sobs, and Tenzou slams him back against the floor a second time.

“ _Kakashi!_ ”

The force of the impact dazes him and his vision spins, blood sluggish in his veins. He whimpers, face turned away like he expects to see a corpse above him.

Tenzou’s voice is full of water when he speaks next, softer but strangled. “Please, just wait. Just stop running from me. _Please_.”

Kakashi shakes his head vigorously, fighting to free his arms, his legs, _something._

“You’ll get hurt. Everyone gets hurt!” He lunges his head forward and Tenzou is forced to duck back to avoid the collision.

He pushes his chest out to make up the difference, furiously fighting to pin Kakashi’s arms again. “Fine then! That’s a risk I’m willing to take!”

“I’m not!” Kakashi arches his back and pushes himself up off the floor. Tenzou slams him back down again.

“ _Why not?_ ” He demands loudly, fingers clenching around Kakashi's arms. He looks like he’s on the battlefield.

Kakashi freezes, frightened eyes somehow ending up locked with Tenzou’s. His chest presses against hard muscle with every breath. Tenzou’s eyes are wet and wide, deeper than Kakashi has ever seen them, full of desperation.

His voice drops to a hoarse whisper. “Is it because you feel the same?”

Kakashi’s mouth opens helplessly. He blinks wet lashes up at Tenzou, wrists shaking under strong fingers. He feels them flex against his skin. Tenzou slowly bends his legs and sits back on Kakashi’s thighs, his weight lighter but still heavy on Kakashi’s arms.

“You don’t have to say the words.” He whispers. “Just tell me if you feel the same.”

Kakashi’s breath catches. He feels paralyzed. There’s a temptation building in him, a dangerous desire to nod, to let this thing between them bloom. He wants this, he always wants it, wants to have those connections, to create those bridges.

Would this one be strong enough? Would it collapse like the others? Can he risk that?

Can he turn his face away and stay silent in the face of such desperation while the same thing presses up against his own rib cage from within?

Eternities pass, millennia filled with their panting breaths and the blood slowly seeping through Kakashi’s filthy pants, Tenzou’s fingernails twitching against his skin. He wants to say something, but he isn’t allowed to want.

(Is he?)

“You can have this.” Tenzou urges like he can read Kakashi’s mind. He licks his lips, eyes bouncing around Kakashi’s face. “You already do. _Just say yes_.”

He could. He could just do it and it would be enough. This thing between them stopped being just about comfort a long time ago, evolved past friendship and sex into something new and cherished, something Kakashi didn’t think he’d ever even see, let alone be a part of.

For a second, his want is so strong that he tries to speak, to say _yes_ and let Tenzou handle the rest. The word catches in his throat, on his lips, sticks to his tongue like sugar. Tenzou is looking down at him, chest still as he holds his breath, waiting, pleading.

Nothing comes out. Kakashi can’t say it, can’t even say something simple, like _me too._ There’s this thing in his gut sucking away all his air, yanking on his tongue from deep within, making his limbs heavy with fear.

He flexes against Tenzou’s grip. Tenzou’s hands slowly release and he sits back on his heels, heavy with defeat for a moment. His hands settle helplessly on his thighs. His voice is soft when he speaks.

“It’s okay.” He says. “I’ll be listening.”

His fingers flex on his thighs and then he pushes himself to his feet. He looks down at Kakashi, nothing cruel or resentful in his eyes, just honesty. He reaches out a strong hand, one that Kakashi has bled on time and time again. One that he bled on last night.

Kakashi pants on the ground, teeth clenched, still wanting and wordless. He reaches up to take Tenzou’s hand but doesn’t move to lever himself up.

Tenzou looks down at him, ever patient, and then Kakashi’s hand shifts, climbing Tenzou’s wrist. He settles his fingers over Tenzou’s pulse and hesitantly taps out a specific sequence of code. Each letter feels like a stitch being made in his own flesh.

 _Someday_.


	2. Paper Dolls Hold Each Other (Formerly Hide in You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Tenzou helps Kakashi clean up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little disappointed in this chapter. The pacing feels off to me, but I think I need to post it as is to keep my momentum going. Thanks again to everyone reading this. You guys inspire me. <3
> 
> Chapter title from Drop Your Guard by Jasmine Thompson (formerly from Masterpiece Theatre I by Mariana’s Trench.)

Tenzou wakes up to a face full of hair. It’s Kakashi’s hair, so it’s not exactly an unusual thing to open his eyes to, but it’s usually a little further from his face and not actually poking him _in_ the eyes.

He scowls sleepily and wriggles back a bit, getting hair up his nose and in his mouth. If Tenzou didn’t love the way Kakashi reacts when he pulls it or the way it falls across his face, he’d be looking for scissors right now. As it is, the hair more than makes up for itself.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t still annoying sometimes.

The second thing Tenzou becomes aware of is a terrible headache. It’s not one he’s felt for awhile, and it’s worse than he can ever remember, but he’d know a hangover anywhere. Damn.

The third thing he notices is his nausea, or more specifically, that his nausea is worse than it usually is when he’s hung over, and it takes him a few sleepy blinks to realize it’s because of the absolutely _awful_ smell next to him. It actually manages to overwhelm the dead rat scent coming from his own dry mouth.

He can’t believe he let them fall asleep without making Kakashi shower.

A flicker of the previous night passes through Tenzou’s mind and he decides that no, actually, he can. It’s not everyday your friend/crush/secret fuck buddy confesses that he might be able to want you too despite how fucked up he is when it comes to matters of the heart. Nor is it everyday that same person is almost murdered by a child they loved enough to adopt and you accidentally make it all about you somehow.

Fuck.

He actually managed to be a bigger asshole than Kakashi last night.

Tenzou winces as he slowly eases away from the other man, just enough so he’s not actually choking on Kakashi’s ridiculous hair. The Copy Nin is still sprawled over his chest, breathing calm and mostly steady with sleep. Tenzou wraps his arms around Kakashi’s body, fingers clutching at the fabric of his borrowed shirt.

Sober, the immensity of it all hits him even harder; the way Kakashi had looked the night before last, kneeling on the floor, the way he’d powered through one and a half bottles of mystery gin like it was nothing, the way he’d let Tenzou hold him afterward while he cursed and cried before finally succumbing to his exhaustion. Tenzou has seen lots of awful things, but none of them has ever scared him as much as seeing his hero shatter.

Tenzou startles as Kakashi’s body suddenly moves against his and one droopy gray eye comes into view. “You’re thinking too loud.” Kakashi mumbles without lifting his chin from Tenzou’s chest.

Tenzou opens his mouth to speak but Kakashi beats him to it.

“Sleep now, angst later.” He says, and then turns his head to let if fall back against Tenzou with a gentle thump. It’s hypocritical as hell, but that’s kind of Kakashi’s thing. Tenzou slowly convinces his body to relax and gently pets the small of Kakashi’s back where the shirt has ridden up. Kakashi hums tiredly, a pleased shiver running through his body. Tenzou smiles softly and lets that image permeate his mind as he falls back to sleep.

 

The second time Tenzou wakes up, Kakashi is sitting cross legged on the ledge and staring at him. He doesn’t jump, used to waking up under Kakashi’s thoughtful gaze, but he does stare back, waiting for the other man to speak. There’s a strange look on Kakashi’s face and it takes Tenzou a few moments before he realizes it’s sadness. Kakashi never wears his emotions so openly, but this morning he does, and Tenzou doesn’t know what to make of it.

Tenzou sits up slowly, holding Kakashi’s gaze, and blinks away the blur of sleep. Looking closer, he sees that Kakashi’s face is flushed and there’s something else different in his eye this morning. He frowns, searching. Kakashi is still filthy and sleep rumpled on top of it, but something is definitely off. It takes a while for it to hit him: Kakashi isn’t hungover.

More specifically, Kakashi isn’t hungover because he’s still drunk. Tenzou sighs when he notices the bottle of saké by the other man’s thigh. Kakashi picks up the bottle and holds it in his lap, just out of Tenzou’s reach. He speaks before Tenzou can say anything. “Don’t even think about it.”

Tenzou nods. He’s seen shinobi break before, seen all the ways they cope. Kakashi never fell to any real vices, just his porn and his eccentricity, but if this is what he needs to face the day, Tenzou understands. He won’t let it become a habit but he will let Kakashi do whatever he needs to in order to survive this.

Tenzou stretches and looks at the alarm clock beside Kakashi. It’s nearly noon.

He pushes back the sheets and frowns; they definitely weren’t under any when he woke up the first time. A quick look around reveals that the bed is still made beneath him and this blanket has been pilfered from their collapsed fort. His heart clenches but he doesn’t say anything. Kakashi wouldn’t want him to. He’s strange like that; Tenzou has to say thank you in other ways.

Tenzou stands cautiously, cradling his head and stomach when nausea threatens to force him back down. It passes slowly, receding in angry waves. When he’s sure he has control, he offers his hand to Kakashi.

“Join me for a shower?”

Kakashi gives him a look, expression slightly loosened by the alcohol. “It’s a shared bathroom, remember?”

Tenzou would shrug but he fears he’ll throw up if he moves that much right now. “It’s late. Nobody else will be there. And if anyone sees us, they’ll just assume I’m too hungover to go home to shower.”

It also helps that it's probably true. If he looks anything like he feels, nobody will blink.

Kakashi responds by locking their eyes and taking a deep drink, steeling himself. Tenzou forces the emotion away from his face when it starts to creep forth. He knows why they keep this thing under wraps, knows the danger of shinobi relationships and the equally potentially devastating blow to their reputation that could result from them being outed, but he still wishes they didn’t have to hide. Things are different these days, and they probably wouldn’t lose their ranks if people found out, but not everyone welcomes the idea of two men together. It would absolutely hurt their careers if not their lives.

Satisfied with Tenzou’s logical answer, Kakashi stands, his motions loose and overly fluid. It’s probably not noticeable to a stranger, but anyone who is familiar with him would know something was wrong. Kakashi sets the bottle down on the ledge and slowly sinks to his knees beside the bed to look for towels. His shoulders are curved, back sagging with exhaustion. Tenzou waits and resists the urge to offer comfort. It’s a struggle.

Kakashi tosses up the towels and Tenzou fumbles to catch them. His reflexes are far from recovered; everything feels likes it’s moving a beat too fast for him.

Kakashi gets to his feet a little less steadily than he’s done anything else and starts walking towards the door, a shower caddy mysteriously appearing in his hands. Tenzou stares at it in confusion but follows once Kakashi opens the door. For someone who doesn’t drink often, Kakashi holds his liqueur rather well. Better than Tenzou does, anyway.

The bathroom isn’t far, and though they pass a half dozen other apartments on their way, they don’t see anyone else. The work day started hours ago, and as he’d thought, most of the other residents do appear to have the consistent if mundane schedules of lower level ninja.

The bathroom door is warded and Kakashi clears it with a press of his fingers to the surface. He reinstates the barrier once they’ve entered. At Tenzou’s look, Kakashi explains. “Policy after Orichimaru’s attack.”

Tenzou accepts that. Security had been increased throughout the village since the attack, and a shinobi dormitory bathroom seems like a logical target for enemies.

The bathroom itself is larger than Tenzou had expected, with ten shower stalls. Kakashi holds out a hand to stop Tenzou from proceeding into the room, but his reflexes are off so he runs into it with a quiet ‘oof’. After a moment he realizes that in addition to halting him, Kakashi is also handing him the shower caddy. He takes it with mild confusion.

Kakashi walks to the stall furthest from the entrance and presses his hand to the door. A ward flickers into view and then fades away. He then reaches over the door and fiddles around for a moment. 

Tenzou almost laughs when he realizes that Kakashi is disabling traps. “You paranoid bastard!”

“Wouldn’t still be here if I wasn’t.” Kakashi answers plainly before moving further down the door to undo another trap. A minute passes with Kakashi reaching under and around the stall walls, disabling triggers and dispelling wards. Then he finally steps back and opens the stall.

Tenzou lets out a startled and slightly horrified laugh when he sees some of the tiles on the back wall are charred. A closer look reveals that there are more below the marks that have clearly been replaced.

“I guess so.” He says, referring to their earlier conversation, and wonders why Kakashi never mentioned anyone trying to assassinate him in the shower. He’d probably just shrug and say it never came up. People try to kill him a lot.

Kakashi gives the interior of the shower a once over and dismisses another ward that he couldn’t reach before. Then he begins stripping, dropping the clothes to the floor outside the stall with the sort of carelessness Tenzou has comes to expect from the other man. Tenzou hangs the towels over the wall of the stall and then follows suite, adding his own clothing to the same pile as Kakashi’s. Normally he'd hang his dirty clothes on the door too, but it's easier to just keep it all together.

He blinks when Kakashi strips off his pants, reminded that the other man hasn’t been wearing underwear since the night before. Any arousal he may have felt at that is overwhelmed by the guilty twinge in his heart when he sees the bruising on Kakashi’s body. The marks on his ass have darkened to a deep, dusky plum. In truth, if he wasn’t so dubious about the injuries, Tenzou would probably find them hilarious; Kakashi looks like he sat on a grill.

As it is, the doubts are roaming free, and he traces his eyes over Kakashi’s body, cataloging the results of each strike he dealt.

“Is there more cum on me?” Kakashi asks in a tired attempt at humor, already stripped naked except for his mask. Tenzou can tell his heart isn’t really in it, but it breaks the spell either way. Tenzou tucks away his own issues for later. Right now, Kakashi takes priority.

(Kakashi always takes priority.)

Kakashi stands to the side as he turns on the water. It comes out and Tenzou’s body moves forwards, lured in by the sound. He waits as Kakashi sniffs the air and slowly reaches a finger under the spray. Kakashi then sniffs that hand, tongue quickly flicking out against his skin. Satisfied the water is clean, he finally steps under the spray.

Tenzou follows eagerly and sets the caddy on a convenient shelf. The spray is wide enough that they can both stand about half in it if they stay pressed together. As it is, Tenzou lets Kakashi takes the bulk of it. He may be regretting not being more thorough with his own cleaning the night before, but Kakashi needs this, and not just for the sake of Tenzou’s nose.

Kakashi stares at the wall as the water hits him, his hair slowly sinking under its own weight. He looks exhausted all of the sudden and Tenzou has to resist the urge to pull him close. Kakashi will let him know when his touch is welcome, as always. For now, he'll just keep an eye out.

“You don’t normally shower with your mask on, do you?” Tenzou asks. Unlike bathing, this isn’t something they've ever done together.

Kakashi is quiet for a bit. “No. Not normally.” He says, tone clearly implying that he knows he can trust Tenzou with his face but he doesn’t want to right now, and Tenzou better not press the issue. Which is silly, because Tenzou never does anymore.

Except no, he’s going to have to this time.

“You know Sakura will kill me if I let you waterboard yourself.” Tenzou says with his own attempt at humor. Kakashi’s mask twitches upwards briefly. “Take the damn thing off before you drown. I won’t look, I promise.”

Kakashi hesitates for a disturbing thirty seconds or so before deciding he actually doesn’t want to drown in the shower. He removes the mask and wrings it out. It still makes a wet plop as it hits the floor beside their other clothes. Tenzou keeps his eyes averted for a moment longer, giving Kakashi time to turn away again.

When he looks up, Kakashi is facing the wall, hands and forehead pressed against the wet tile. The water flows down his back, catching dirt and blood as it passes. It’s mesmerizing, the way the water shifts with each gentle breath Kakashi takes.

After a few minutes of letting the water wash over him, Kakashi’s hair is plastered to his shoulders and he still hasn’t moved. Tenzou decides this is his cue.

“May I?” He asks, taking the shampoo from the caddy.

Kakashi nods, shifting back enough to actually stand up but keeping his head hanging low. It seems to take all his strength to stand, as if the spray is literally hammering him down into place.

Tenzou pops the cap on the shampoo and pours a generous dollop into his palm. He reaches out and begins massaging the shampoo into Kakashi’s hair, fingers pressing tenderly against his friend’s scalp. Kakashi tilts his head into it, shivering as he moves his face away from the warmth of the water.

Tenzou grimaces as the shampoo foams in shades of gray, brown, and rusty pink. His fingers tangle in Kakashi’s hair, the strands tacky and stuck together with blood. It’s a good thing Kakashi uses a conditioning shampoo or Tenzou might actually lose a hand in this mess. It's like picking apart a rat's nest.

Kakashi makes a quiet sound of protest at the rough treatment. It’s a show of vulnerability he normally wouldn’t indulge in, but he’s drunk and tired and it’s just Tenzou.

“Sorry.” Tenzou apologizes, slowing his pace and gently rubbing the blood out of Kakashi’s hair. The suds are a filthy pinkish gray as they seep through his fingers. He keeps his voice low and soothing; Kakashi is gradually relaxing under his hands now that he's being more gentle and he doesn’t want to ruin that. “Alright, this is gonna take more than one wash. Tilt your head back.”

Kakashi does as asked, eyes slipping closed as he moves his head under the water again. Tenzou shields his face with a hand anyway, using his other to squeeze out the suds. They make a quiet splattering sound when they hit the floor of the shower.

Tenzou rinses his hands under the shower spray and then reaches for the shampoo again. He squirts more out into his hands and works it into a lather before slipping his fingers back into Kakashi’s hair. He gently moves Kakashi's head out from under the spray again and sets to work.

Kakashi hums. His words are slurred with sleep and possibly alcohol. “You have nice hands.”

Tenzou blushes. Kakashi has told him as much before, but usually he follows it up by sucking on his fingers or guiding Tenzou’s hand to the back of his head as he slips to his knees. If Tenzou weren’t so hungover and desperate to get Kakashi clean, he’d probably be hard just from hearing as much.

The mood kind of sucks too, considering all the trauma.

“Thanks.” He says, unable to come up with anything else. Kakashi makes an accepting sound and falls quiet again.

Tenzou’s mind is full of questions. How did Kakashi sleep? When did he wake up? When did he start drinking? How is he feeling? Where is his head at?

“You always think so loud.” Kakashi muses, interrupting the thoughts in question. Tenzou’s hands stop momentarily.

“Do I?” He asks, even though Kakashi has accused him of this before. Often, too.

The silver haired man nods and Tenzou starts working in the shampoo again.

“Just say whatever you want to say. I’ll ignore you if I need to.”

Tenzou’s chest warms at that. Anyone who thinks Kakashi doesn’t care about people isn’t paying enough attention. Tenzou does though, and that’s probably why he says the thing buried deepest in his head. “I’m sorry. About that thing I said last night. My timing was appalling.”

Kakashi stiffens for such a short span of time Tenzou would assume he’d imagined it if he didn’t know the other so well. Kakashi shakes his head slightly, careful not to dislodge Tenzou’s fingers.

“It’s okay. We were pretty drunk.” Tenzou’s gut wants to protest, to make it clear that he meant it all, he just didn’t mean to say it when Kakashi was so vulnerable. Except he’s pretty certain Kakashi knows that. He isn’t offering Tenzou an out; He’s asking him to wait.

“Yeah.” Tenzou agrees. “Which reminds me; how are you feeling?”

Kakashi scoffs quietly. “Like I woke up half drunk and spent three minutes puking out a window.”

Tenzou grimaces. “Guess that’s the downside to communal bathrooms.”

Kakashi nods. “Also why I do most of my drinking when I go out.”

Tenzou snorts.

“Alright, back under.” He says and gently tilts Kakashi’s head again so the water can rinse away the second round of shampoo. It comes away cleaner this time but the soap is still a light gray. One more wash should do it. At least for the hair. The rest of Kakashi may be cleaner than when they first came in here, but Tenzou’s not letting him leave without scraping off an entire layer of skin first.

Kakashi is quiet as Tenzou manhandles him back and forth, content to not have to think. Tenzou lets him drift and focuses on the task at hand. He’s surprised to see this trusting side of Kakashi again so soon, but maybe it’s not all that odd under the circumstances. If Kakashi needs to hide again, then so be it; Tenzou will keep his body safe like he always does.

He’s just rinsing away the last of the suds - white, finally - when he hears a quiet little snore. Tenzou chuckles. Sleeping whenever and wherever is a skill most jounin possess, and as an elite, Kakashi is a master of microsleep. Between his ability to sleep with his eye open and his skilled use of Icha Icha as a shield, Kakashi has probably slept in more places than anyone Tenzou has ever met. Sleeping while standing, naked, and maskless in a public area with someone actively touching him is a first though, as far as Tenzou knows. He feels special, knowing how much trust Kakashi is placing in him.

“Almost done, ‘Kashi.” He say softly, reaching for the soap this time. “Just got to wash the rest of you and then you can go back to bed.”

“...hmm?” Kakashi eye doesn't even move. He simply continues staring sightlessly at the tiles. Tenzou smirks.

“Just don’t fall on me. The last thing I want to see medical for is slipping in the shower.”

Kakashi makes a noise of agreement. Tenzou wonders if he’s actually responding to the words or simply the tone. He suspects it’s probably the latter.

Tenzou briskly rubs Kakashi’s washcloth over the soap, building up a thick foam. Once he has enough, he begins cleaning the other man’s body, starting with the faded remains of his own handprint. Looking at it now, it just makes him feel kind of creepy. Kakashi has always triggered a strange possessive streak in him, but Kami, what a weird thing to do.

It scrubs off easily, the soap turning pink  but still much cleaner than the shampoo had been. Kakashi’s skin had been covered during the battle, so Tenzou assumes the rest of his cleaning will go by relatively quickly.

He’s gentle as he washes Kakashi, especially when he passes over bruised or scabbed skin. More than usual because Kakashi is too tired to complain about being coddled. Tenzou can’t even remember a time when he was able to be this doting. He only wishes it all were under better circumstances.

Kakashi doesn’t make a sound as Tenzou cleans him, moving systematically from top to bottom, right to left. Tenzou can tell from his chakra that he’s awake again. His mind isn’t here though, and as always Tenzou wonders where it is.

He kneels to clean Kakashi’s lower half, wiping away sweat and blood and cum. Kakashi is healing nicely, but Tenzou makes a note to apply some ointment to those scabs when they get back to Kakashi’s room. They’ll split again otherwise.

He deliberately ignores the memory of breaking them open the night before, burying the guilt.

Tenzou finishes cleaning Kakashi quickly, being careful not to miss a speck of blood this time. Kakashi’s skin actually seems lighter when he rinses away the last of the soap, but he figures that’s just his imagination. Then again, Kakashi may have actually just been that filthy.

Tenzou stands up and resists the urge to lean around Kakashi and check on him. Instead he places a gentle hand on the other man’s shoulder.

”I’m going to wash up now.” He says, and recurved no response. He wasn’t really expecting one though, so he just nods and takes the shower caddy to the next stall. The stall walls are shorter than him, so he can still see Kakashi easily, and checks on him constantly as he takes what’s probably the fastest shower of his adult life. He’s clean in under five minutes, something that’s probably only even possible because he rinsed off the worst of the grit earlier.

Tenzou returns to the other stall, wet feet slapping against the floor. He doesn’t bother knocking, sure that’s a loud enough warning on its own. Kakashi is still standing in the same position. Sadness bites at Tenzou as he reaches past Kakashi to turn off the water. The silver haired jounin doesn’t even react when their arms brush.

Tenzou takes a step back and looks Kakashi over again. His lungs close up at the sight before him and he wonders how everything broke so quickly. Kakashi had finally been happy teaching those brats, and now here he was, abandoned yet again. Tenzou hates himself a little for that, for having had to take on the role of Captain Yamato, for making Kakashi feel so useless.

Kakashi looks… lost. He always seems smaller when his hair is wet, and even with the ideal jounin body, sculpted and scarred, his paleness lends him a fragility other shinobi don’t possess. Nonetheless, Kakashi usually manages to look strangely imposing when he’s naked, confident that he’s lived up to the hype. Right now though, with his face turned away and hidden by his quietly dripping hair, and his shoulders hanging low with weariness, he looks nothing like the legend attached to his name.

In another life, Tenzou would scoop him up and carry him back to bed. He’d lay Kakashi down and curl up around him, and they’d sleep off the rest of their hangovers together.

In this life, Tenzou knows even attempting to pick Kakashi up would end with his own face smashed against the tile at the very least. He suspects there are weapons hidden somewhere in here, so it would probably be much worse. It’s a nice fantasy though.

As things stand, Tenzou can’t help but think he shouldn’t be looking at Kakashi in such a state, so he drags his eyes away and repacks the shower caddy while he waits for Kakashi to rouse himself enough to wrap a towel around his waist.

Tenzou dons his own towel and glances at Kakashi before opening the stall and moving to gather up their dirty clothes. He’s careful to wrap Kakashi’s up in his own to better contain the stench, though he’ll admit his own clothes aren’t all that appetizing either.

Kakashi finally blinks back to awareness as Tenzou stands again, a large ball of fabric in his arms. Tenzou’s jaw unclenches when he hears Kakashi fiddling with his own towel.

There a long pause and then he  hears an odd scraping sound that he can’t place. Tenzou turns around to see Kakashi prying one of the newer looking tiles out of the wall. He watches as the other man casually removes a small scroll from within the space, which Kakashi unravels on the same low shelf as the shower caddy. He presses his hand to it, unsealing the contents.

It’s mostly weapons, because of course it is, Tenzou just knew Kakashi had some stashed here, but there’s also a few basic toiletries and the object of Kakashi’s current focus: a plain black mask.

Tenzou crosses his arms, still worried of course, but also just... he doesn’t even know. It’s like Kakashi takes every paranoid habit ninjas develop and makes sport of them, plays fucking bingo to see how many of them he can manage himself. He watches as Kakashi puts on the spare mask and reseals the scroll before returning it to the wall. He replaces the tile and holds his hand over it for a moment, creating a new ward.

And like an idiot, Tenzou assumes that’s it, so he starts to turn to leave because he doesn’t want Kakashi to feel self conscious about being watched, but then he hears a few clicks of varying volumes, followed by a pulse in Kakashi’s chakra. Tenzou stops and waits patiently while Kakashi resets his traps, not sure if he can even laugh about it anymore when he’s so deeply concerned.

And maybe a little touched? Because Kakashi is letting him see all of this, and what would generally be considered a cry for help is more like a show of trust.

It takes far less time to prepare all the traps than it took to disable them, and Kakashi is following him out of the bathroom in under a minute, his new mask identical to the old one. He pauses briefly to renew the main ward on the door, and then they’re on their way back to Kakashi’s apartment.

Which, come to think of it…

“You didn’t reset your traps when we left earlier.” Tenzou says curiously.

Kakashi shrugs. “I usually leave Pakkun guarding my place when I’m just using the bathroom or kitchen. He’ll let me know if any wards are breached.”

Tenzou hadn’t seen the dog when they left, but Pakkun is in the apartment when they enter, just as Kakashi promised. He doesn’t appear to be doing much guarding though, unless his job is to protect Kakashi’s pillow. Ninken or not, Pakkun will always be a dog above everything else.

“Hey Pakkun.” Tenzou greets him with a quick scratch behind the ears that leaves the dog’s tail thumping against the mattress. The sound ceases as Kakashi scoops him up and flops down on the bed himself, cuddling Pakkun against his bare chest. Pakkun settles quickly, more than content to be disturbed if it means he’s going to get attention. His tail wags happily, in sharp contrast with the far off expression on Kakashi’s own face.

Tenzou stands beside the bed, his own towel wrapped around his waist. He sets their clothes on the floor, feeling even cleaner once they’re no longer in his hands. He probably should have grabbed a change of clothes from home before all this. Not that he really minds standing around in a towel, but it’s a bit weird under the circumstances.

Kakashi turns a single tired eye on him and shifts over deliberately. Tenzou takes the hint and joins him on the bed, hand automatically reaching out to pet Pakkun. The dog makes a pleased huffing sound. 

“Now that’s the stuff.” He says, and Tenzou almost laughs. Pakkun’s voice always throws him off, just a bit too deep for such a small animal. It fits him though.

Kakashi is still beside him except for his hands, and Tenzou coughs quietly to get Pakkun‘s attention. The dog opens one droopy eye, looking so much like Kakashi for a moment that Tenzou nearly forgets what he wanted.

He raises an eyebrow, tilting his head towards the hallway. Pakkun glares at him for a few seconds but reluctantly complies, hopping down after a few more satisfying scratches. He trusts Tenzou, too.

“Well boss, I’m off to sniff stuff.”

And with that, Pakkun disappears in a poof of smoke. Kakashi frowns slightly but doesn’t say anything, eye moving back to traveling the ceiling as his hair soaks the pillow.

It’s strange, lying next to a naked Kakashi without the scent of sex or blood in the air. They’ve only cuddled like this once before, on a nightmarish mission to the Land of Iron when they were both still in Anbu.

They’d been penned in, only a few minutes away from being completely surrounded, and it was simple luck - or perhaps a lack of it - that allowed them to escape. An enemy’s paperbomb had gone off prematurely, triggering a minor avalanche that swept them both down the mountain to relative safety.

With the help of Kakashi’s Ninken, they’d managed to find their camp. They’d both lost their packs along the way though, and their clothes were soaked through with snow melt by the time they’d arrived. Half freezing, they’d zipped their sleeping bags together and waited for morning, when Kakashi could use lightning style to dry their clothes without also creating a beacon.

The thing Tenzou remembers most clearly about that night is Kakashi constantly turning away to yank down his mask every time he had to sneeze. It was frightening at the time, but Tenzou thinks he’d just laugh if they wound up in a similar position now. Hell, they’d probably just make a night of it, enjoying the solitude. It’s not every mission that gives them a chance to fuck around, especially not these days, with Naruto, Sakura, and Sai tagging along. Not that Tenzou doesn’t like them; he just misses ravishing Kakashi in foreign lands without the fear of being caught by anyone who matters.

So they’ve sort of done this before, but it doesn’t escape Tenzou that this is different, that Kakashi is actively seeking him out right now. For comfort, of all things.

It’s worrisome. 

“Talk to me.” Tenzou says quietly, breath warm against Kakashi’s temple. Kakashi doesn’t respond at first, and then he blinks, slow, distracted. He opens his mouth, and Tenzou can’t help but be surprised when Kakashi doesn’t immediately dismiss his concerns.

“About what?” He says softly. Tenzou isn’t sure if Kakashi is really that distracted or if he’s being deliberately obtuse. He snuggles in closer, needing to feel the other Jounin’s warm skin against his own. 

“About what’s going on in that head. I’m supposed to be the angsty one, remember?” Tenzou teases. Kakashi doesn’t even smirk at the joke. He’s quiet for a long time, long enough for all the humor to fade from the moment and Tenzou to be left waiting.

“That wasn’t him.”

Kakashi’s voice is soft and rasping. Tenzou stays silent, not wanting to interrupt and have Kakashi shut down. He wants to prompt him to continue but is afraid to do that too for the same reason.

Oddly enough, Kakashi continues without any encouragement. “Sasuke was an angry kid when he left, and he had a lot of reasons to be, but the person we met… that wasn’t him.”

Tenzou doesn’t say anything. The man they’d encountered was definitely not the quiet boy he remembered, full of forced pride and always seeking validation from ghosts. _A lot can happen in three years._ He thinks, stomach turning. He knows Kakashi has already come to the same conclusion, knows exactly what this conversation is about.

When Kakashi speaks again, his voice is even softer, stretched thin and frightened. “Orochimaru had him for three years.” He whispers, one hand grasping at his own hair. Tenzou watches as tears fill Kakashi’s eye and feels as if he’s been gutted.

“Three years and I spent that whole time running bullshit missions and sitting around on my ass because I was ordered to.” Tenzou expects to hear anger in the words, to see spittle, but Kakashi is still speaking in the same soft, broken tone, like he’s confessing his darkest secret. Tenzou curls closer and carefully eases Kakashi’s grip on his hair, folding those tense fingers into his own. He squeezes Kakashi’s hand and feels a steel grip in return.

Tenzou stays just as quiet but he keeps his grip tight, emphasizing that connection. “Exactly, Kakashi. You were ordered to. You didn’t have a choice.”

“Like hell I didn’t!” Kakashi snaps, releasing his hand and shoving Tenzou back. He nearly rolls off the bed from the force of the push. Kakashi sits up, clutching his own head again like he’s in agony.

“I let them destroy him. Can you even imagine what kind of shit they had to do to him to cause that much hatred?” Kakashi’s eye is full of furious tears when he glares over at Tenzou.

Tenzou swallows. There’s nothing he can say to that, no assurances he can offer. One way or another, Sasuke broke and they both know it. He can’t just let Kakashi say these things though, can’t let him think defecting would have been better.

“You would have become a missing Nin. The village would have had no choice but to take you down.” Tenzou argues.

Kakashi just shakes his head, frustrated, like he just needs Tenzou to understand. “But Sasuke would be _safe_.”

Tenzou feels anger well up in him at the blasé way Kakashi addresses the possible loss of his own life. He just manages to keep it out of his voice when he speaks, settling for something gentle and aching. “And he’d have your death on his conscience. You of all people know what that would do to him.”

It’s a low blow. It’s also the only thing that seems to get through to Kakashi. He wrenches his gaze away from Tenzou and back towards his own hands, looking at them like they’re covered in blood.

Neither of them moves for a very long time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bulk of this story (because it’s become a story) is going to be presented in chapters of Cobwebs and Flies. This is separate from If You Were Church because of tagging; I don’t want to isolate non-bdsm readers in a fandom with such little activity.


	3. Where I Follow, You’ll Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi starts spending more time in his head as he struggles to cope with Sasuke's betrayal. Tenzou doesn’t know how to help, but he tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was really hard for me to write. About half way through, my SO of the past few years and I decided to end it. So that sucks and I haven't been working on this story as much as I had been before as a result, but I figured I should probably post something for all of you lovely people! So I'm going to split Chapter 3 up and post parts of it as they are completed. As a result, the next few chapters will be shorter than what I've been putting up, but it's something, right?
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this one!
> 
> Chapter title from Collide by Howie Day.
> 
> Chapter warnings: PTSD, insanity, and extreme disassociation. These will feature regularly in future chapters as well.

Kakashi is quieter than usual for the next couple of weeks, spending nearly all of his free time at the memorial stone or alone in his room. Tenzou joins him when he can, but they don’t speak much. He doesn’t know if it helps any. Half the time he isn’t sure Kakashi even notices he’s there. He stays though, holding an umbrella over them both when the weather sours and shooing away civilians that get too close. It’s a job usually done by the Ninken, and Tenzou wonders at their absence. He hasn’t even seen Pakkun since that night when they spoke about Sasuke, a subject Tenzou doesn’t dare to broach again.

Tenzou doesn’t see much of the other members of his new team either, though Sai occasionally comes around to speak with him during regular patrols, usually to make remarks about things he’s learned from Naruto and Sakura or his new books. Most recently he was telling Tenzou that Sakura disapproves of deception, and yet she’s chosen to be a kunoichi, and is he wrong to call her hypocritical for that? Tenzou came close to laughing at several points, finding himself agreeing with Sai for the most part. They are cut from the same cloth after all, miles away from a person like Sakura. She’s become an excellent ninja, but she still shies away from dirtying her hands on occasion.

It’s through Sai that Tenzou learns that the other two teenagers are training diligently with their mentors, and a part of him can’t help but be angry that they aren’t here. He reminds himself that they don’t know how hard Kakashi is taking everything; Kakashi hides it too well when they see him, he doesn’t _want_ them to know, and yet-

They _should_ know. Tenzou knows it’s unreasonable, that as an elite jounin Kakashi can lie with the best of them, but his heart is full of anger on the other man’s behalf. These kids are his world and they’ve just left him to suffer this loss alone.

In truth, Kakashi probably prefers it that way. Naruto and Sakura are his students, and he has an image to uphold. He’ll push all the busted pieces to the back and hide behind his books until he’s ready to lie to them directly.

Sometimes, like now, Tenzou wonders if there’s even enough of Kakashi left to hide all the broken parts.

He misses the man who came to his room and asked for forgiveness, the man who cried in his lap and spoke of painful things. He’d beat the shit out of Kakashi right now if it would help any, if Kakashi would just look at him with those honest eyes and stop treating Tenzou like an idiot. But maybe this is what Kakashi needs; not someone to fix him, but someone to believe he isn’t broken.

Tenzou wishes he could do that, but just yesterday Kakashi stood for hours in the rain whispering to a rock. Even after Tenzou went and got an umbrella, he was still soaked and shivering and refused to budge.

Tenzou accepted all the cracks in Kakashi long ago, but these days the older man may as well be scattered in pieces across the entire Land of Fire. Tenzou just can’t afford to believe in Kakashi right now; He loves him too much for that.

So instead he stands guard from a few feet away and hopes he’ll see Kakashi falling before he hits the ground. That is what’s he’s doing today.

It’s late in the evening, early in the spring. Kakashi is standing in front of the memorial stone, speaking quietly. His sentences cut off and into each other, long spools of thought unwinding from his tongue, and Tenzou does his best not to listen. These words aren’t meant for him, and he accepts that, even when he isn’t being given words of his own and the neglect makes him ache.

He looks away for the most part, managing to look completely unconnected with Kakashi’s presence except for the fact that he’s only ever here when the other man is. He stands like a shinobi sentry, relaxed but ready, hands empty and apart, stance loose. Almost nobody else ever comes to the stone at this hour, but he stays alert out of habit and concern.

Kakashi’s quiet drawl is the closest sound, accompanied by small insects and the far off sounds of shops closing for the night. It’s almost peaceful, and he lets himself pretend this is normal, that they haven’t been here for four hours.

Kakashi’s low voice suddenly stops and Tenzou turns, alert. Kakashi is still standing in the same place, in the same position, with his hands on the stone and his head tilted down. The only difference is that he’s fallen silent.

His eye is open, still and focused on the stone. His gaze doesn’t even look distant. Kakashi simply seems to have frozen in time.

Tenzou swallows. He’s seen this happen a few times, just before Kakashi left ANBU. Interrupting either has no effect or results in a blade being pressed to his throat, sometimes hard enough to draw blood. There’s nothing he can do but wait.

Kakashi doesn’t blink. Tenzou would think he was a part of the monument if not for his steady breathing and the way a breeze moves his hair. The silence lasts several minutes and then Kakashi starts up again, in the same tone and with the same calmness, breathing consistent. He doesn’t even blink for a few seconds more. It’s as if he simply unpaused.

Tenzou looks away again. He doesn’t know what to do. He feels like he’s watching Kakashi die.

 

It’s raining again today. Tenzou has just returned from a short mission a few towns over where he rebuilt an important bridge that had been damaged during a rock slide. It’s not the sort of thing he’s generally sent out for, but the world is quiet and Konoha needs trade to continue for as long as it can.

He turns in his mission report and hurries to the monument on a hunch, pausing only long enough to pull the hood of his rain cloak back over his head.

As expected, Kakashi is hunched in front of the memorial stone, under dressed, dripping wet, and shaking like Bisuke does in the winter. He’s shivering fiercely, and his teeth are chattering so hard Tenzou can hear it over the rain. Tenzou swallows back despair. Kakashi’s lost in his fucking head again.

Tenzou hesitates. He knows better than to interfere with this, and normally he wouldn’t risk it. He would just jog to his apartment to get an umbrella and come back to stand guard beside his friend until Kakashi decided to go home. Things are different this time though; Kakashi is trembling violently and his shaking hands are white against the etched stone beneath them. He’s clearly been out here for a while, longer than he ever has on previous occasions when the weather soured.

Tenzou stops a few yards away and drops into a defensive crouch like he’s a chunin approaching a dangerous animal. He clears his throat loudly. “Kakashi?”

Kakashi doesn’t react at all, not even when Tenzou continues to call his name. Tenzou sighs and bites his lip. The rain is heavy against his cloak. Kakashi can’t stay out in this weather much longer.

Fuck it. Let the asshole attack him then.

Tenzou covers his body in a thick layer of wood that is in essence a slightly larger, hollow clone of himself. He approaches loudly, saying Kakashi’s name all the while. The older shinobi still doesn’t react to his voice. Tenzou might have to make contact. He won’t be stupid about it though.

Tenzou extends the arm of his armored clone and gently brushes the other man’s forearm. Kakashi doesn’t react, and that’s just fucking terrifying now, isn’t it? He just stands there, shaking and silent, even when Tenzou touches him again with a bit more pressure, even when he doesn’t pull away, even when he actually wraps his fingers around the space just above Kakashi’s wrist. “Kakashi!”

The older jounin turns his head.

Kakashi’s sudden movement nearly catches Tenzou off guard after the long lack of acknowledgement. He leaps away in anticipation of a blow at the same moment Kakashi tilts up his eyebrows as if he’s been startled.

“Tenzou.” He says. A statement.

Tenzou nods and slowly lets the armor fade away. He doesn’t lower his guard entirely though. 

Kakashi blinks as a raindrop hits his eyelash and then he looks up as if only just noticing the storm around them.

“It’s raining.” He says, and a sharper shiver cuts through his body. He wraps his arms around himself, looking unsure. Tenzou nods again and approaches cautiously. Kakashi watches him with confusion and Tenzou’s frown deepens. Further dread wells up when he sees the bluish coloring of Kakashi’s nail beds.

Tenzou raises both of his arms when he’s just a few feet away, prepared to deflect a blow if Kakashi attacks him. The older man doesn’t move though, not even when Tenzou’s right hand finally settles on his shoulder. He just looks over at it with a mildly sour expression.

Tenzou carefully eases closer, and when he’s finally within distance, he wraps his arm around Kakashi’s shoulders. They give off a chill that manages to penetrate even Tenzou’s cloak. He feels more like ice than a living being.

“Come on.” Tenzou says softly. “You can get cleaned up at my place. It’s closer.”

Kakashi doesn’t argue as he’s led away like a lost child, shivering against Tenzou’s side. He may even be back in his head again but Tenzou hopes he’s just being quiet. He doesn’t try to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated, especially in the form of comments! ;) You'll never know how happy I get when I see something in my inbox. <3


	4. Where I Follow, You’ll Go (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou warms a hypothermic Kakashi up.
> 
> (Basically a Canadian Shack Challenge fic but at Tenzou's apartment instead.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick PSA: You should never let a hypothermic person sleep! But this is the Naruto universe and we like danger here! Also Tenzou isn’t a fucking doctor. I imagine most ninja are capable enough field medics in a pinch, but he’s from a generation that has medic-nins in every squad so he probably wouldn’t feel the need to know how to treat these things, nor would treating hypothermia be common knowledge in a climate like what we see in Konoha and Kakashi is anti-hospital to the max and he warmed him up a lot first and please just accept it because Kakashi deserves a nap. 
> 
> Anyway, this was originally supposed to be part of the previous chapter, but it’s split into two because my muse deserted me and I didn’t want to make you guys wait. <3
> 
> Title still from Collide by Howie Day.

Tenzou drops his travel pack just inside the doorway of his apartment and feels along the wall for the light switch. He flicks it on with one hand while the other tugs Kakashi further into the apartment. He turns and shuts the door behind the shorter man.

“Alright, we have to get you out of those wet clothes. Start stripping while I go get some towels.” Tenzou says, guiding Kakashi to sit. He squeezes Kakashi’s shoulder gently and rises to his own feet, sprinting across the apartment to drag several towels out of the bathroom cabinet.

Tenzou returns to the living room to see Kakashi sitting on the floor and struggling with the tape around his ankles. His hands are bone white and vibrating enough to be useless. His bare toes are swollen and purple, shoes discarded at his side.

Tenzou drops the towels on the couch and crouches down by Kakashi’s feet. He quickly removes the tape from the ankle Kakashi isn’t fighting with and then gently nudges Kakashi’s hands away from the other.

“Get your shirt off.” Tenzou orders, and Kakashi’s numbed hands struggle to comply while Tenzou tends to his ankles. The waterlogged tape puts up more of a fight than it would if it were dry, and after a couple of attempts, Tenzou leans down to tear it with his teeth. The bandages unwind easily enough after that and drop into the puddle forming around them. Kakashi’s shirt hits the floor with a wet plop.

Tenzou looks up and hovers his hands over Kakashi’s face, waiting for an answer despite his mind’s urgency. Kakashi closes his eyes and gives the smallest of nods. Tenzou keeps the sigh of relief in his own chest as he yanks Kakashi’s undershirt and mask up over his head. Water showers down around them when the clothing passes Kakashi’s wet hair. These also join the pile.

Kakashi’s chilled face is revealed in the aging light of the kitchen. His teeth are clenched and chattering but he’s just as beautiful as Tenzou remembers. He wants to sit and stare for a moment, for as long as he can, really, but there are more pressing needs, made even more obvious by the blue tinge of Kakashi’s cracked lips.

Tenzou reaches down to undo Kakashi’s pants. Kakashi sits there and watches him work in a sort of daze. Belatedly, he raises his own hands to try and help just as Tenzou pulls down the zipper.

Tenzou stands up and offers his hands to Kakashi. Kakashi frowns, but doesn’t move to take them, so Tenzou bends over further to grab them himself. Even when Kakashi finally catches on and tries to grip back, his coordination is completely shot, and Tenzou is really the only one holding on. He pulls Kakashi to his feet, braced for the inevitable impact of the older jounin falling into him.

Tenzou catches Kakashi against his chest, shocked again by how cold he is. It feels as if Tenzou is hugging a snowman, except for the fact that Kakashi is shaking and seems to actively lean into him. He wants desperately to just stop and hold the other man, but first he has to get Kakashi out of his wet clothes.

Tenzou drags Kakashi’s waterlogged pants down his frozen legs. The fabric is reluctant to release it’s hold on Kakashi’s skin, almost like it’s a living thing actively stealing his warmth. Kakashi stumbles a bit as Tenzou helps him step out of them; he probably can’t even feel his legs.

Tenzou leads Kakashi over to the couch, nearly carrying him, really. He snatches up an old afghan from the back of the couch. He received it from a client some years ago on a mission with Kakashi, and they’d both snickered at the thought of a ninja traveling with such a bright yellow bundle. Tenzou lets himself be warmed by the memory as he wraps the blanket snugly around Kakashi’s trembling body.

Kakashi shivers dramatically as Tenzou pushes him back to sit, blinking in quiet confusion when he lands on the couch. Tenzou tugs the end of the blanket up around his shoulders like a high collar, crossing it over the bottom of Kakashi’s face. Kakashi gives him a grateful look and Tenzou takes that over the regret of not seeing his face anymore.

He picks up one of the towels and smooths back the older man’s wet hair, wringing it out as best as he can. Kakashi doesn’t hide his displeasure at the less than gentle treatment, but it’s hard to tell with the towel flapping over his face as Tenzou works. “Kami, your hair is so thick.”

“S-s-so’s my d-dick.” Kakashi stutters through chattering teeth. Tenzou snorts and rolls his eyes, throwing the towel towards the lump of wet clothing a few feet away. He picks up a second towel a wraps it around Kakashi’s head, tempted to let it drop into his eyes. This isn’t the time to mess around though, so he doesn’t.

Instead, he steps back and removes his damp cloak, dropping it onto the wet pile of Kakashi’s clothes. He takes off his shoes and happuri as well, putting them both in their appointed places by the door. The bottoms of his pants are also wet but he chooses to ignore that for now in favor of getting Kakashi fed.

Tenzou returns to the kitchen and checks that the kettle he left on the stove a few days ago has water in it. It’s heavy when he starts to lift it, sloshing quietly in his hands, and he returns it to the stove top, flicking on the burner below it. He then checks the fridge and pantry for food, finding them both pretty empty. It’s not surprising. He didn’t exactly go grocery shopping before his mission, and as usual he gave away anything that would go bad before he got back. So the fridge is empty except for condiments and the pantry is mostly full of preserves and cans and snacks. He twists around the cans, moving though assorted vegetables and fruits before he comes across one labeled as vegetable soup. It’s the most meal-like thing he’s seen yet, and it’s not expired even though he doesn’t remember buying it, so he takes it down and reads the instructions for preparation.

Tenzou digs a pot out of the cabinets and dumps in the contents of the can. He adds some water from the full kettle because it’s closer than the sink, and turns on a second burner to heat the soup up.

He looks down at the stove and frowns a bit as the flames begin to lick at both containers. Maybe he should get Kakashi something more solid to eat? He probably has some instant ramen  _somewhere_ , hidden away in case Naruto visits. Tenzou turns around and looks over the opposite counter to see Kakashi’s towel-covered head just peeking over the back of the couch, shivering. No, probably shouldn’t. Kakashi needs to warm up and conserve energy. Liquids are best for that.

The kettle whistles. Tenzou pours the hot water into his favorite mug and sets about preparing some tea, stirring the soup occasionally as he does so it won’t stick to the pot.

When the soup is finished, Tenzou moves it to a different burner and turns off the old one. He opens a cabinet and takes down the largest mug he has, pours soup into it until it’s full. He drops a spoon into it and tosses out the teabag in the other mug before carrying both of them over to the couch.

Kakashi has apparently accepted his fate, based on the way he’s burrowed down into the afghan. Between the towel hanging low over his forehead and the blanket pulled up past his nose, Tenzou can only see his closed eyes. He looks so terribly small in that moment, skin pale against the sunny blanket and just about matching the white towel. His scar looks particularly ragged, too, and Tenzou isn’t sure it’s just the light.

Kakashi stirs at the sound of Tenzou’s return and sits up, pulling the blanket tighter against his body and ducking his chin back into the warmth as it shifts. A hand sneaks out to take the soup from Tenzou when it’s offered, and Tenzou sets the tea down on the coffee table. He feels a bit stupid for making it now. Who drinks tea with soup?

Though, to be entirely fair, it absolutely wouldn’t be the strangest thing Kakashi has done today, or yesterday, and Tenzou wasn’t even _here_ then; he just knows Kakashi did some really weird shit because he _knows_ Kakashi.

So it doesn’t really matter in the end, and Tenzou’s too hungry to think about it more. He leaves Kakashi briefly to go get some soup for himself, his stomach growling after several hours without attention. He takes another mug out of the cabinet and hurriedly fills it, grabbing a spoon from the drawer on his way back. He’s already digging in before he even rounds the counter.

Kakashi is leaning back into the couch with his hands just barely sticking out of the blanket, both wrapped tightly around the mug. He holds it just under his chin in the folds of the fabric, letting the warmth curl up against his face. The blanket is hiked up around his shoulders like a high collar, still managing to obscure most of his face, and Tenzou smirks a bit at Kakashi’s dedication.

Kakashi’s eye opens again upon Tenzou’s return and stays with him, following his movements as Tenzou closes in. Tenzou settles down beside him, careful not to jostle Kakashi or spill any soup. He’s only a little surprised when Kakashi shifts into his warmth, his bony elbow resting along Tenzou’s side. Tenzou presses back against him even though it’s uncomfortable. He thinks Kakashi’s body feels warmer than it was, but there’s still a strong chill coming through the blanket even now. He also looks less like he’s going to collapse, though a large part of that is probably due to his already sitting down.

Kakashi sniffles quietly and Tenzou’s fingers tighten around his own mug. _Dammit._ He forces himself to relax before his anxiety can rile Kakashi up.

“How are you feeling?” Tenzou asks gently, spooning a bite of soup into his mouth. It’s delicious in its warmth and simplicity. Much better than field rations or food pills. He really is starving.

Kakashi shrugs lightly against him, tilting his head onto Tenzou’s shoulder. “Warmer. Tired.”

Tenzou nods. He doesn’t ask the questions he wants to, like how long Kakashi was out there, and does he even know he disappears like that or how long it can last, and where he goes when he slips back into himself. He doesn’t ask because he’s afraid of the answers, but he’s even more afraid that Kakashi won’t have them.

So he doesn’t ask and Kakashi doesn’t offer and they eat their soup quietly, accompanied only by the sounds of shifting fabric and spoons clinking against ceramic. Tenzou feels the heat spreading through Kakashi’s body where their arms touch just as surely as Kakashi himself must feel it.

Kakashi finishes first, and Tenzou glances over to see him sneaking the mug under the blanket to drink what’s left of the broth. Tenzou hides his grin with his own cup but doesn’t say anything.

Kakashi sets the empty mug down on the coffee table with a nearly steady hand and snatches up the tea in the same move. He brings it close to his chest and tucks his arms back beneath the blanket. Tenzou looks down into his own cup to carefully scoop up the last bits of vegetable.

“Thank you.” Kakashi says quietly, looking down into his tea. Tenzou looks up, his spoon disappearing into his mouth. He chews slowly and swallows. Kakashi doesn’t look up.

“I’m happy to do it.” Tenzou offers honestly.

Kakashi scoffs into his mug. His breath sends ripples across the surface of his tea. “Nothing more fun than making sure your CO doesn’t drown in the rain.”

Tenzou stares at Kakashi for a moment and then shrugs. “I can think of worse things.” He tries not to though, even as the memory of Kakashi shivering in a downpour struggles to snatch his attention.

Kakashi takes a sip of his tea, small enough that Tenzou suspects he’s only drinking it to have something to do. There’s a tension in him, the kind that crops up when people get too close. Tenzou clears his throat and shifts away from Kakashi. “I’m going to put everything away.”

Tenzou takes Kakashi’s empty mug and carries both of their cups to the kitchen. He washes them out along with the empty soup pot, and leaves them all in the drying rack when he’s finished.

When he returns to the living room, Kakashi’s eyes are closed and his breathing has settled into something deeper. Tenzou frowns when Kakashi doesn’t react to his approach, a little ember of concern smoking in his gut.

“Kakashi?”

The older shinobi doesn’t answer, having succumbed to the sway of a warm place to rest and a full belly. He’s still holding the mug of tea against his chest, hands steady even in sleep. Tenzou smiles at that even as his chest tightens. Kakashi has regained much of his color, but the rings under his eyes are all the more concerning because of it. Those aren’t just from the cold.

Tenzou reaches out and wraps his fingers around the mug, not daring to pull it away until Kakashi shifts and blinks tired eyes at him. Tenzou flicks his own down to the cup and Kakashi relinquishes it immediately. Tenzou gives him a soft smile and tucks the blanket back around his hands. “Just rest now.”

Kakashi’s eyes close instantly, responding to the words like an order. He leans over a bit, snuggling further into the corner of the couch so he’s slightly less vertical. Tenzou rolls his eyes. He sets the tea down on the coffee table and hoists Kakashi’s legs up onto the couch so he’s actually laying down. Kakashi’s eyebrows tighten a bit in mild irritation and then he shifts again, settling down. He’s asleep before his face even finishes relaxing.

Tenzou watches him for a second, takes in the sight of Kakashi’s body all bundled up in canary yellow, with a white towel snug around his head like a bonnet. It would be hilarious in just about any other context, and it’s still a bit funny in this one, but Tenzou worries.

He sighs and picks up the half empty mug. They’ll get through this, he tells himself. How many pieces they’ll lose on the way is anyone’s guess, but he’s going to get them through this even if he has to drag Kakashi’s half-dead body behind him. 

 

 

Kakashi stirs an hour or so later with a sharp sneeze. Tenzou startles awake from his slouched position at the other end of the couch. He doesn’t remember dozing off, but obviously he did. Kakashi’s feet are tucked up against his thighs.

Kakashi blinks a few times from within his cocoon, and then he jerks his head, freeing the towel so it can be shaken loose. It slips down to the floor beside the couch. Kakashi’s hair looks strangely flat for a moment, and then he shakes his head again, fluffing it back up. He sniffles again as it settles, sounding heavily congested, and then coughs a few times for good measure. It doesn’t sound like a particularly bad cough, but Tenzou doesn’t want to take any chances.

“We should get you in a shower. The steam should help clear some of that up.”

Kakashi responds with a noncommittal grunt, sniffling loudly.

Tenzou pushes himself to his feet and hauls Kakashi upright by the blanket. Kakashi grumbles quietly, whining a bit when that doesn’t make Tenzou release him.

“I thought you were supposed to be the adult here.” Tenzou teases.

Kakashi glares at him. “You’re an adult now, too. That card doesn’t work for either of us anymore.”

Tenzou nods, accepting defeat, and in doing so manages to catch Kakashi off guard when he drags the other jounin to his feet.

“Tenzou...” Kakashi whines again, sounding particularly pathetic with his nose all stuffed up. Tenzou rolls his eyes and bends down to lift Kakashi up from behind the knees. He’s playing with fire here, but with Kakashi weak, tired, sick, and naked, Tenzou definitely has the advantage right now.

“Gah-! Shit- _Tenzou!_ ” Kakashi barks, hands struggling to find their way out of the blankets and legs kicking uselessly. Tenzou just laughs and cradles Kakashi closer to his chest as he walks down the short hallway to the bathroom. He’s careful to pin Kakashi’s arms against his sides, laughing when Kakashi starts rocking his body like he’s prepared to fling himself to the floor. Tenzou speeds up his pace just in case.

Kakashi gets him with an elbow just as they pass through the bathroom door, and Tenzou staggers, trying not to spill Kakashi onto the hard tile. It doesn’t help that he’s laughing. A little more wriggling and Kakashi manages to free one of his legs as well. Tenzou knows he’s pretty much beaten now, and he carefully lowers Kakashi’s feet back to the ground before the shorter man can plant his knee in Tenzou’s throat.

Kakashi tugs the blanket tighter around himself, glaring up at Tenzou indignantly. His nose is pink and damp, and he sneezes, ruining whatever impression he’d intended to give. “Dammit.”

“Seriously, take a shower. It’ll help. I’ll join you.” Tenzou adds with a cheeky grin as he moves to slip his hands under Kakashi’s blanket. Kakashi deflects them, stepping back.

“Not with those hands, ice man!” Kakashi retorts, shivering dramatically. Tenzou rolls his eyes and opens the door to the shower.

“Alright, I’ll warm them up first.” He turns on the hot water and steps back, pushing the blanket back from Kakashi’s shoulders.

He has Kakashi test the water and Kakashi does so, even sniffing and tasting it just like Tenzou has seen him do before. Apparently it’s a rather well-ingrained habit, deep set enough to break through Kakashi’s exhaustion. The older man steps into the spray, only a little unsteady on his too white feet.

The bottom of Tenzou’s pants are still slightly damp, so he strips those off first, and then everything else. Naked, he opens a cabinet and pulls out his last two towels. He shakes them out with extra effort just to give Kakashi a show. He catches the other man watching him shamelessly through the slowly fogging glass as he walks back to hang them over the shower door.

Tenzou knocks on the shower door just to be cheeky, and Kakashi gives him a once over, turned partly away just to be coy. He makes a face, like he’s not sure he wants Tenzou to join him. Tenzou holds up his hands and wiggles his fingers. “I thought you wanted these to warm up?”

Kakashi smiles softly and pushes the door open, dragging Tenzou in by the wrist. Tenzou catches the door with his ankle as he steps forward, pulling it closes behind him. He reaches out to touch Kakashi and has his hands redirected again, this time towards the hot water raining down on them. Kakashi smirks at him and then lets his eyes drift closed as he relaxes in the warmth of the water.

Tenzou stands there for a minute, letting himself warm up before he makes his move. He brushes the back of his knuckles down Kakashi’s spine, sparking the other man to shiver with pleasure and press back. Tenzou decides that’s a clear enough answer and slides his hands over Kakashi’s slim hips.

He steps forward and presses his chest against Kakashi’s back. Kakashi slumps into his warmth, eyes closed against the water striking him in the face. He tilts his chin up into it though, so Tenzou doesn’t move them away.

Tenzou rests his head on Kakashi’s right shoulder. His eyes trace over the edge of Kakashi’s chin, the side of his thin pink lips, the spread of his eyelashes. He looks and thinks that this could have been Kakashi in another life; unscarred and tired from a long day of civilian work, letting Tenzou hold him close in a warm shower. He wonders if they ever would have met if their paths were different, if they’d share anything like what they have now. Whatever that is.

Tenzou presses his nose to Kakashi’s throat in a mimed kiss and then slowly steps back. He assures himself of Kakashi’s balance before he draws his hand away and begins washing himself. Tenzou scrubs the sweat and grit away from his body, suddenly confident that cutting his hair was the best damn decision he ever made. After three long days on a dirt road, he’s clean again in just minutes. Some years ago he would have needed much longer.

“Want me to wash you?” He asks, holding the shampoo up even though Kakashi is facing the other way.

Kakashi shakes his head. “I did this morning.”

Tenzou doesn’t argue that this was probably before Kakashi stood out in the rain and wind for who even knows how long. He doesn’t look dirty or smell bad though, so whatever. If Kakashi doesn’t want to clean up, Tenzou won’t make him. Just coming inside was enough.

Instead he moves back into place and holds Kakashi’s body close against his own. He breathes in his scent, weakened by the flow of water, and thanks the stars he got home when he did. Perhaps he should put someone on Kakashi duty when he’s gone, or demand to be put on leave for awhile. Of course, that wouldn’t help any when Kakashi is assigned a mission.

He’s mostly been doing recon since everything went down, but the village can’t afford to sideline the Copy Nin’s skills for much longer. Lady Tsunade has been beyond patient already. War is coming, and they’ll need their strongest shinobi in the field.

Tenzou strokes his hands up Kakashi’s body and wraps his arms around his shoulders. He keeps one palm over Kakashi’s heart, imaging that they can stay like this, that he can shield Kakashi from hurt.

Kami, this could have been so much worse. What would he have done if-

_No. Don’t think about it. You know better than that. Shinobi die young, so don’t think about it._

He was raised in this life, he grew up with the knowledge that everyone he knows is a dead man walking, waiting only for the command to lay down their life. He knows all this, knew Kakashi was another corpse before they even met, back when he was just a name spoken about in whispers and the most cynical of children still doubted his existence. And then somewhere along the way, up in the canopy or outside the border, Tenzou’s foundation began to crumble and he started to hope for something foolish, started to make plans for a future he doesn’t have. They were vague, certainly, but more concrete than he’d ever dared to entertain before, all sculpted around Kakashi, and he hadn’t realized how far he’d fallen, how those dreams had taken on new forms and he’d started to think about after.

The worst part is that he can’t give them up, these hopes, can’t shake them from his mind even though he knows they’re dangerous, knows better than to put anything before the mission. Kakashi may believe otherwise, but Tenzou knows the mission must take priority.

Or he did, once...

Tenzou nuzzles his face into Kakashi’s neck even though it makes it harder to breath; he’s already inhaling more steam than air. Kakashi is solid and hot against him, immediate and alive, and Tenzou holds on tighter.

He won’t let the thought take form, not even in the depths of his own mind, but he knows in his heart that if it comes down to it, he will choose Kakashi. Over the mission, over the Village, over himself, over everything.

Kakashi’s hands come up and take hold of Tenzou’s arms, hanging there. “You’re shaking.”

Tenzou’s breath catches as he realizes it’s true. He lets his grip loosen a bit and forces a laugh. “Well, yeah, you’re hogging all the water.”

There’s a pause like Kakashi doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t like talking about the serious stuff so he doesn’t press. Tenzou presses a grateful kiss to his neck.

“I’m going to get out and get us some clothes. You okay to stand on your own?”

Kakashi responds by shoving Tenzou away from him, and Tenzou laughs despite himself when he hits the cold wall of the shower.

“You could’ve just said ‘yes’.” He admonishes and pushes the door open enough to slip out.

Kakashi shrugs and smirks with his eyes closed. “Yeah, probably.”

Tenzou closes the door between them and yanks down a towel. He dries off quickly, top to bottom, and ties the towel around his waist. He exits the bathroom and crosses the small hallway to enter the bedroom.

He searches through the closet first, taking down one of his old mission shirts for Kakashi. Then he turns his attention down to the dresser. A shirt for himself, two pairs of sweatpants, boxers...

While he’s rummaging around for clothes, Tenzou discovers Kakashi’s underwear - clean now - mixed in with his own and that makes him smile a bit sadly. He adds them to the pile building in his arms.

The shower is a calming sound in the background, proof that Kakashi is safe nearby. It seems to echo all around him due to the rain still falling outside and Tenzou thinks the apartment feels all the more like home because of it. Historically, Kakashi doesn’t spend much time here, and he’s never used Tenzou’s shower, but if feels right, somehow. Like Tenzou finally has everything he needs in one place.

He finishes adjusting the clothing in his arms so nothing will fall and switches his attention to the bed. He turns down the covers carefully, smoothing a hand over them as he does. The sheets feel exceptionally soft after spending several nights sleeping on the ground, and he has to stop himself from climbing in right then and there.

He brings the clean clothes into the bathroom and sets them on the counter, sorting everything into two piles. Shirts, pants, boxers, and a thick pair of socks for Kakashi.

“The bed is all ready for you when you’re finished.” Tenzou says, raising his voice over the spray as he moves his towel to hang around his shoulders and pulls on a pair of clean underwear.

A few seconds pass without a response. The only sound is that of the water striking the tile. Fear tears through Tenzou’s gut for a brief second before the shower turns off. He sighs and slips into his largest pair of sweatpants, feeling ridiculous. What, did he think Kakashi would drown in the fucking shower?

Though if anyone could manage it...

“I think I’ve had enough water for today.” Kakashi responds and silently pulls the other towel down from the door. Tenzou can hear him moving around on the other side. He smiles a bit at the sound of water droplets striking the tile as Kakashi shakes his hair dry like a dog. The noise is then followed by mildly frantic rubbing as Kakashi further dries his hair with the towel. Tenzou does the same with his own towel before pulling on a dark gray t-shirt.

He looks over when the shower door opens, eager to see for himself that Kakashi is no longer in danger. When he does, he tries not to laugh. Honestly, he really does try. But it’s a hopeless cause because Kakashi has the bath towel draped over his shoulders and knotted at the back of his head, hiding his face and the very top of his chest but leaving everything else on display. It’s the most ridiculous thing Tenzou has ever seen, and he’s seen Kakashi do _plenty_ of ridiculous things over the years.

Kakashi glares at him, of course, but it doesn’t make Tenzou stop. He laughs until he’s crying, doubled over against the counter. He can’t even speak so he just gestures helplessly at the pile of clean clothes next to him.

Kakashi shoulders him roughly when he moves to check it out. The push is just hard enough to dislodge Tenzou’s grip on the counter, and then he’s just crouched on the floor, holding his belly. Kami, he can barely _breathe!_

And it only gets worse when Kakashi pulls on his underwear, because _now_ he looks like some sort of trashy female super villain or maybe a very naughty nun. Kakashi crosses his arms, looking particularly annoyed. Tenzou can tell he isn’t actually mad though, can just barely hear it over his own laughter when Kakashi glares down at him and says, “Are you done?”

The answer to that is, of course, _absolutely not_ , but Tenzou does get it together enough to stand. At which point he sees Kakashi trying to figure out how to get the shirt on over the towel.

Now Tenzou tries, he _really_ does, but when the shirt gets stuck around Kakashi’s face he just fucking _can’t_ and he’s back to cackling wildly. Kakashi gives him a deadpan look but there’s warmth in his eye. Tenzou stifles himself much faster this time, and he thanks a lifetime of training for the ability.

“Do you-“ Tenzou starts, struggling to speak through his restrained laughter. “Do you want a bigger sh _-irt_?” He breaks into a snort on the last word, and it takes him another minute or so to control himself. When he finally does, he looks back at Kakashi sheepishly, lips pressed tightly together lest he start laughing again.

Kakashi gives him a considering look and then nods. Tenzou nods back and starts to leave the bathroom to go get one of his regular shirts, only he then makes the mistake of looking in the mirror and sees Kakashi’s reflection struggling to pull the smaller shirt back over his head and that’s. Even. _Funnier._

In the end, Kakashi goes and gets the shirt himself while Tenzou laughs mindlessly on his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter picks up right where this one left off and contains some yummy porn! So stay tooned and let me know what you think :)


	5. All That I’m Tasting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Tenzou have sex for the first time since Kakashi left ANBU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for mild subspace that sort of hints at suicidal ideation, musings about mortality, mild subdrop and anal sex with very minor D/S elements. If you have any concerns or questions about potential triggers, please message me for details before proceeding. Fic should be fun, guys <3
> 
> Chapter title from Can You Hold Me? by NF

Tenzou manages to get control of himself shortly after Kakashi leaves the room, and soon he’s pushing to his feet despite the occasional sputter of amusement. He crosses the hall to the bedroom just in time to see Kakashi dragging the towel up through the neck hole of the new shirt. Tenzou immediately has to duck back into the hall when it catches, slapping a hand over his mouth. Goddamn, this stubborn fucking _lunatic_. Tenzou clenches his teeth and struggles to hold his breath until the laughter eases up.

Because Kakashi may not be mad but he’s bound to be getting irritated, as exhausted as he must be. Tenzou is going to have to start keeping a spare mask here, and that’s a sobering thought. After all these years there’s still a gulf between them, but it’s been slowly shrinking ever since Sasuke left.

Tenzou doesn’t laugh when he looks up this time, because Kakashi’s too-pale coloring combined with the way Tenzou’s shirt swallows him up makes him look like he’s right back at death’s door. His skin still matches the crisp white towel too closely and his hair looks strangely lifeless as it drops into his eyes. The yellowed light coming from the bathroom doesn’t help either.

Well, okay, Tenzou doesn’t laugh _much_ , because the oversized towel still looks absolutely _ridiculous_ and he just can’t keep a straight face when he sees that. No one could.

Tenzou points to the bed. “Lay down. I’ll join you in a minute.”

Kakashi obeys without comment, the ends of his borrowed sweatpants dragging around his feet. The drawstring is pulled as tightly as it can go and they still slide down his hips with every step if Kakashi doesn’t hold them up. If circumstances were different, Tenzou would be getting ideas.

He takes a moment to appreciates the view though. Kakashi’s slim waist looks exceptionally small when the shirt slips along the curves of his body with each step. The temptation to slot his hand into that space is fierce, and Tenzou has to force himself out of the room before his body can linger longer on it.

He returns to the foyer to collect their clothes, wrapping the soggy pile in his slightly less soggy cloak. He carries the whole lot out to the laundry closet in the hallway and carefully opens the washer with a spare finger before dumping everything inside. He adds some detergent, closes the lid, and begins the wash cycle.

Tenzou pulls down an old towel from the shelf above the machines and returns to the foyer to mop up the worst of the water. It takes three trips to the sink where he wrings out the towel before he considers it good enough to leave til tomorrow. It’s not like he can’t fix it if the wood warps.

Everything taken care of, Tenzou returns to the bedroom. Kakashi is laying down, and Tenzou feels as if he’s finally safe now that he’s under the covers. The smaller man doesn’t react when Tenzou steps into the room though, and for a moment Tenzou fears he’s drifted away again, but then Kakashi glances up at him. He sits up a bit and gives a small nod of acknowledgement before closing his eyes again. Tenzou relaxes and crawls under the covers to join him, laying down with his head on the pillow.

Kakashi looks calm and pensive from this angle, lit only by the bathroom light across the hall. It’s a familiar expression from long missions full of waiting. Tenzou can see him exactly like this in various scenes; sitting on a branch high up in the trees as the sun sets, on a hill just outside the desert with towering sand dunes behind him, sitting at the entrance of a tent and lit by the swaying light of a fire; like all those times before, Tenzou wonders what the other man is thinking about.

Kakashi takes a deeper breath and Tenzou smiles at the touch of color on his cheeks. His hair is still a bit damp, but aside from that Kakashi appears completely transformed from just an hour ago. He looks alive again, completely untouched by the last month.

“I missed you.” Tenzou says, the words leaving his mouth before he can think better of it.

Kakashi tenses up for a second and then relaxes. His thumb slides along the edge of the duvet. “I never wanted to leave you.” He confesses finally, looking over at Tenzou. His eye is large and dark and shockingly honest.

Tenzou nods, sitting up as he feels a lump building in his throat. He looks down at his knees, feeling like he’s taking up too much space. “I know. I was too close to it all. You couldn’t- it had to be all or nothing.”

Kakashi nods and looks away with a thoughtful expression. He looks back and angles his body towards Tenzou. Their faces are less than a foot apart. Kakashi’s gaze is weighted, shifting around Tenzou’s.

“I hate nothing.” Kakashi says quietly, his voice sounding naked in the half light.

Tenzou inhales and it’s not quite a gasp. Kakashi is so close. He looks sad and patient and completely unguarded. His gaze is all Tenzou can see, even managing to block out the ridiculous towel covering the rest of Kakashi’s face.

Tenzou reaches up slowly with his left hand and brushes Kakashi’s hair back behind his ear. Kakashi’s eye closes and he leans into the gesture, further and further forward until their noses are brushing and Tenzou’s hand is hovering over the knot in the towel at the back of his head.

Tenzou swallows and flicks at the knot. Kakashi’s eye opens slowly. He’s perfectly calm, looking at Tenzou like he’d trust him with the world, and Tenzou carefully pulls the knot free. The towel drops away. Kakashi squeezes his eye shut and takes a quick breath. Tenzou waits, his wrist just touching Kakashi’s ear, and then that dark gray eye is back on him, waiting.

He can’t look away, isn’t even tempted by the lure of Kakashi’s bare face. His gaze is intoxicating, focused on Tenzou like he’ll disappear if he blinks. Tenzou can see the small slices of brown in Kakashi’s eye, and he wonders if anyone else has ever noticed that.

He doesn’t know which of them closes the distance; It seems to disappear into itself, space contracting until their lips are touching. Tenzou’s eyes feel tight at the edges; He’s overwhelmed by the feeling of their faces settling together. It feels like coming back from deep cover, like hearing his own name spoken aloud after months of lies. He presses forward, lungs pulsing painfully in his chest as his nose nudges up against Kakashi’s. He thinks dully that he’d take this over air without pause.

Kakashi breathes harshly through his nose, pushing back with only his face and chest. His hands are buried in the sheets and pressing down into his thighs. He sounds almost like he’s in pain, and instinct has Tenzou pulling back to check.

Kakashi’s face is open, his gaze looking as though he’s bracing himself to shut down and stop feeling, to let the Hound take control. Tenzou squeezes his own eyes shut against a surge of emotion and pushes forward again, feeling his mouth connect with Kakashi’s perfect, chapped lips. He tentatively lets his hand relax, fingers settling over the soft curve of the other man’s cheek. His knuckles ache with the urge to press, to grip and hold, but he keeps his fingers still and gentle

He’s missed this terribly.

They shift downwards, slowly guiding each other to the mattress, and then their legs are intertwining beneath the sheets. They lose themselves in the kiss, in the familiarity and safety of each other. Tenzou pulls Kakashi into his chest, or maybe it’s Kakashi that pushes into him. They chase after each other, hands spreading out cautiously and mapping familiar skin.

Sadness rolls off Kakashi continuously and Tenzou tries to take it all, to touch him everywhere and soothe it away. There’s a desperation growing inside of him and he digs his fingers into Kakashi’s biceps out of fear that the other man will simply drift away if he doesn’t hold on tight enough.

Kakashi trembles silently as Tenzou’s grip grows stronger. Tenzou breaks off the kiss, resting their foreheads together. Kakashi’s breath is shaky and Tenzou suspects his own must be too. They look at each other, shared longing in their eyes.

Tenzou drags Kakashi closer and inhales his scent, burying his face in the gentle curve of his throat. Kakashi’s arms hold him back just as fiercely.

“I’m sorry.” Tenzou says.

Kakashi pulls away to frown at him and Tenzou clarifies: “It shouldn’t have been this way.”

Kakashi’s eye darts down to Tenzou’s lips. He shrugs his right shoulder. “Story of our lives.”

Tenzou can’t argue that. He strokes the back of his left hand across the bone of Kakashi’s cheek, gentle and coaxing. Kakashi’s eye slides closed. Tenzou takes the opportunity to stare.

Kakashi truly is a beautiful man.

He opens his eye slowly, looking at Tenzou with a new energy. There’s a familiar fire there. Tenzou hadn’t expected to see it tonight, if even ever again.

“Tenzou.” He says softly, his eyelid and voice low.

Tenzou feels himself growing hard even before Kakashi leans in to connect their lips again. He pushes his body into Tenzou’s, hands against his chest. Tenzou rolls onto his back easily. Kakashi lifts himself up to his hands and knees and follows.

He looks down at Tenzou with heat. His left side is draped in a soft light and Kakashi imagines his heart is on fire, pumping out boiling blood. Tenzou leans up on his elbows and Kakashi lowers his face to meet him, brushing their noses together. He continues on towards Tenzou’s chin, up the line of his jaw, stops beside his ear.

There’s a pause as he hesitates, simply breathing against Tenzou’s face. “Do you… Would it be okay…?”

Tenzou doesn’t hesitate. He brings his hands up and redirects Kakashi‘s mouth to his own, pressing up fiercely. Kakashi kisses back with equal enthusiasm, his hard length brushing Tenzou’s belly when he shifts.

“Yes.” Tenzou says between kisses. “Yes, always. Anything you want.”

His hands settle on Kakashi’s hips, thumb and forefinger pinching the fabric of one of his own shirts. Kakashi’s skin is warm and dry against the back of his hands.

“You’ve always known what I like.” Kakashi says, quiet but cocksure. Tenzou smirks back and lets his hands drift lower to grip Kakashi’s ass. Kakashi moans, soft like a whisper. His teeth press gently against Tenzou’s lips.

“I remember.” Tenzou growls, nipping back.

His hands glide over Kakashi’s ass rhythmically, sliding down the backs of his thighs and up to the dimples of his back. Kakashi exhales against his mouth. He shifts to place a knee in between Tenzou’s legs, nudging them apart.

Tenzou spreads his legs willingly and laps at Kakashi’s slightly parted lips. Kakashi responds with a hungry grunt and tilts his face into the kiss, letting Tenzou’s tongue reach deeper. He grinds his hips down into the brunette’s. Tenzou groans and digs his fingers into the meat of Kakashi’s ass, holding their bodies together.

He breaks the kiss. “Fuck. Kakashi.”

Kakashi nods and pushes their mouths back together, his tongue slipping out to search for Tenzou’s. They push against each other slowly and forcefully, grinding hard. Kakashi feels a slight ache in his arms and shifts to put more weight on his knees. His next push is even harder and a little less controlled as a result, and Tenzou lets his head tip back in bliss. He leaves Kakashi’s lips behind when he does and immediately tilts forward again to reclaim them.

Their mouths slow as their focus shifts downwards, hips pushing together in a steady grind that’s just enough to take the edge off.

Tenzou leans up on his right elbow and drags his left hand up Kakashi’s spine. He grips the back of the other jounin’s neck and angles their mouths together better. Kakashi’s borrowed shirt slips to hang off his left shoulder at the slight shift, and Tenzou’s mouth immediately drops to seek out the newly exposed skin. He licks over the curve of Kakashi’s shoulder and over to his neck, nuzzling his way up into the older man’s hair. “You look good in my shirt.”

“That’s a word for it.” Kakashi jokes back, tilting his head so Tenzou can lick at more of his neck.

“I’m serious.” Tenzou insists in the same deep voice, mouthing his way back down a thick tendon towards Kakashi’s collarbone. His chin tugs the shirt down to expose that part of Kakashi’s chest. “I think it’s the color.”

Kakashi snorts at that and Tenzou grins against his skin. His teeth scrape over the bone in a way that makes Kakashi hum. Tenzou feels it against his lips, sending tingles through his gums.

“Hmm. And you’re sure you wouldn’t rather I take it off?” Kakashi asks, voice slightly strained.

“Haven’t decided yet.” Tenzou mumbles against Kakashi’s skin. His left hand trails back down Kakashi’s spine to slip under the hem of his loose pants.

“These can go though.” Tenzou says, voice dropping when Kakashi’s hips rub against his own at just the right angle.

“Yeah, these definitely have to go.” He corrects, speaking a bit more quickly. Kakashi licks his lips at the sound of Tenzou’s obvious arousal.

Kakashi pulls his hips back and nudges the sweatpants down. They fall with little coaxing, and he stretches one leg behind him and then the other as he kicks his way free. Tenzou lays back and shimmies out of his own sweats, carefully avoiding Kakashi’s knees in a way that speaks of familiarity. Kakashi wonders at that, at the fact that they’ve known each other for years. Not many people have known him for years, and nobody but Tenzou would know when to shift to avoid getting kicked while Kakashi takes his pants off. What an odd thing.

Tenzou slows his movements as he kicks his own pants over the edge of the bed. “Kakashi?”

Kakashi shakes his head and settles back into a kneeling position between Tenzou’s knees. He doesn’t know what to say. How do you tell someone that you’re glad they can predict your movements well enough to avoid accidental injury? How do you tell someone that you missed being something avoidable, something non lethal? How do you tell someone that they make you feel like more than a weapon?

Tenzou looks up at him with gentle eyes and relaxed brows. Kakashi has never had anyone else look up at him like that. He can’t remember ever even being on top of anyone he wasn’t planning to kill, can’t remember any time when this position didn’t promise death, and he’s struck again by the strangeness of his relationship with Tenzou. Only Tenzou has seen him from this angle, or in this state, hard and unmasked and looming. Only Tenzou knows the shape and taste of his lips, the color of his smile.

(Only Tenzou remains.)

Kakashi should fear him. Tenzou knows everything about him, from his real face to the way he likes to be touched to the sounds he makes upon completion. Tenzou knows his fears and habits and where to find him when he wants to hide. Tenzou could destroy him if Konoha asked.

But he didn’t then.

And Kakashi knows he won’t now in the same way that he knows he’ll die someday.

Tenzou stares up at him with mild curiosity in his eyes, looking like he’ll never tire of wondering. His gaze flits around like Kakashi’s face is an entire world to be explored, like he’s worried he won’t have enough time to see it all, like there’s more to it than other faces. Kakashi swallows and shifts his hands against the mattress, thumbs beside Tenzou’s hips. They’re both still hard.

“We don’t have to.” Tenzou says, and Kakashi has a strange suspicion he isn’t just talking about sex.

Kakashi doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s never had a choice before, not when it came to Tenzou. He was thrust into Kakashi’s life as suddenly and easily as Kakashi was ripped out of his, and now there’s an option and Kakashi has a preference he’d actually kill for.

How long has it been since he’s had a true choice in the company he keeps?

Kakashi places a hand on Tenzou’s chest with something akin to reverence. He glances down at his spread fingers and back up to Tenzou’s calm expression. Even now, when Kakashi applies pressure, Tenzou’s trust doesn’t waiver and that’s somehow even more terrifying than knowing he would let Tenzou hold him down too.

He lets up the pressure.

Tenzou leans up on his elbows again and then his forearms and then his hands. Their faces are level. Tenzou’s flushed skin is lit a dusty peach by the yellow glow from the bathroom.

He reaches up and lays his left hand on Kakashi’s cheek. His thumb strokes out over the bone and then back towards his sideburns. Kakashi feels wetness on Tenzou’s thumb and blinks when he realizes his eyes are damp.

The word ‘someday’ enters Kakashi’s head and he taps it out mindlessly against the mattress. Tenzou doesn’t seem to notice, but he’s looking at Kakashi like he was that night when he held out his hand, completely accepting of the man before him.

Kakashi leans forward.

Their lips connect gently. There’s no tongue, no teeth, no movement. Just a simple press of flesh to flesh.

It’s like a greeting, or a question. A check in.

Tenzou’s lips purse briefly against his own and then he pulls away. Kakashi opens his eye to look back into Tenzou’s brown ones. They glow golden in the low light and Kakashi thinks foolishly that he’s actually seeing Tenzou’s soul.

Kakashi’s hands drop to the hem of his borrowed shirt and he lifts it, eye trained on Tenzou’s face. He pulls it over his head and Tenzou is still there, still looking back, and then _he’s_ pulling off his shirt as well and they’re both left in their underwear.

Tenzou makes the first move. His right hand reaches out to fit against Kakashi’s waist. It’s warm and big and rough with callouses. Kakashi relaxes his muscles and lets himself drip back into his arousal, staring back at Tenzou with intent.

Tenzou squeezes his waist lightly and then takes his hand away. He reaches for his own waistband and starts tugging it down. Kakashi moves his own hands to mimic the action, and then they’re both stripping away their last barriers, moving in close proximity but never touching, shifting smoothly around each other like binary stars or the two sides of a horizon.

They undress in sync and then still together, both of them hard and sitting up, just watching each other. Kakashi doesn’t think he’s ever had a lover that looked him in the eyes as much as Tenzou does, and it frightens him in the same way freedom does. He feels his world narrowing for a second and then he blinks, pushing it back with a deep breath. There’s nothing to run from, not here.

It’s just the two of them: Kakashi and the man who keeps dragging him out of the rain.

Kakashi moves first this time, leaning in to push his lips against Tenzou’s and feel him push back. Tenzou’s palms are flat on the bed at his sides, parallel with his bent knees, and his fingers grasp the sheets tightly enough to tug them slightly out of place. Kakashi lifts his own hands, cradling Tenzou’s face with one and touching his chest with the other. Tenzou’s hands come up to cover them, sliding confidently but carefully into place.

They sink back down to the bed. It’s slow, and Kakashi’s thighs protest as he hovers over Tenzou, and he’s sure Tenzou’s back aches from being at such a steep angle but neither of them lets on that they’re uncomfortable, and then they’re both lying on the bed with Kakashi crouched over top of Tenzou, his hands braced on either side of the brunette’s wide shoulders.

Tenzou’s hands are on Kakashi’s back, stroking over his spine, his index finger dipping into the valleys of his vertebrae. Kakashi’s instincts are briefly alerted, relaying information at certain points, about pain and death and paralysis and where a blade could bite skin to create each of them. He doesn’t feel fear though; it’s more of a casual awareness of his own vulnerability, of the fact that Tenzou could kill him, and it’s strange to think that he isn’t bothered by that. It’s strange to trust someone and be touched by them so intimately, strange not to have an attack planned.

Tenzou’s hands pause at the base of Kakashi’s spine. He pulls Kakashi down against him, rubbing their bodies together. Kakashi’s eye closes and his mouth drops open on a sigh. Tenzou maintains the pressure as he moves his hands up Kakashi’s back, and then he’s pushing his torso up and rolling them over.

Kakashi hits the mattress with a quiet huff, silenced quickly by Tenzou’s lips. Tenzou’s hands are caught under him in the dip of his back and Kakashi arches up to set them free. They push their way up Kakashi’s sides and back into his hair, gripping silver locks and using them to deepen the kiss. Tenzou’s tongue is warm and soft inside Kakashi’s mouth, moving slow and languid as it presses into Kakashi's own. Kakashi sucks at it lightly, rolling his hips up, and Tenzou moans into his mouth. His cock presses into the groove of Kakashi’s groin, spreading slick over his skin.

Kakashi increases the suction on Tenzou’s tongue until he’s sucking it like a cock, his own hands dropping down to grip the brunette’s ass. They rut together, hot and naked and too dry. Tenzou breaks the kiss reluctantly.

“Here, let’s-“ He leans away from Kakashi to reach one long arm under the bed. A few seconds pass as he feels around, eyes distant as his focus is elsewhere and then he grins down at Kakashi. Kakashi smirks back when Tenzou’s hand returns triumphantly with a bottle of lube.

Tenzou flips the cap and tilts the bottle to dribble lube over their cocks. Kakashi winces at the sudden cold but then Tenzou’s body is pressed up against him again and they’re moving together, the lube making everything perfect and wet and heating up with the friction they create.

“Tell me…” Tenzou demands, pushing his hips down into Kakashi’s. “Tell me what you want.”

“Fuck me.” Kakashi answers immediately with a sigh. “You know I can’t get enough of you.”

And Tenzou does, but it’s been awhile and they kind of maybe broke up (if you would even say they were ever dating), and he’s just not the kind of guy to assume this stuff, even when he probably really should. But Kakashi’s legs spread wider and he tilts his hips up, hand groping for Tenzou’s as they kiss, and Tenzou threads their fingers together like a promise.

He wraps their intertwined hands around Kakashi’s cock and gives a slow stroke. Kakashi’s eye narrows to a pleased slit and his fingers tighten around Tenzou’s. Tenzou shifts his own hips so their knuckles brush against his dick as well, and they move like that while his other hand strokes the soft skin on the inside of Kakashi’s thigh.

Kakashi’s right hand hooks under his own knee and he pulls up, exposing himself. Their cocks shift when he moves, disrupting the rhythm, and Tenzou lets go of Kakashi’s hand to adjust them. Kakashi’s responds by stroking his damp fingers over the sharp cut of Tenzou’s hip.

They continue to rock together, moving slowly in the way experienced lovers do. No attention is paid to the future; they focus only on the slip of their cocks against each other, letting their pleasure build slowly. There is time here, or at least they pretend there is. The world can give them that much.

“Tenzou.” Kakashi says, voice hushed and frantic. Tenzou has heard this sound before, under the cover of trees and the night sky, in a tent on a mountain, nearly drowned out by a waterfall. He knows that tone, that expression, knows need is weighing down Kakashi’s eyelid.

He leans in for another kiss, trapping Kakashi’s lower lip between his own. Kakashi watches him, his eye barely open but still refusing to close. Tenzou looks back, unashamed. His eyes are warm.

He trails a hand down Kakashi’s flank and shifts back onto his knees. Kakashi’s gaze stays locked on him and Tenzou continues to stare right back as he covers his fingers in lubricant. He doesn’t dare to look away, not when this all feels so unlikely. He almost can’t believe he’s seeing this again, doing this again, after all this time. He’d never bothered to hope for it. He’s never really bothered to hope for anything.

Kakashi’s right hand flexes against his thigh and he trembles with desire.

Tenzou finally breaks eye contact to focus on what he’s doing, on the single, slick finger brushing gently against Kakashi’s entrance. Kakashi’s hips tilt to open himself up and then his whole body seems to drop as he relaxes into the touch. He still watches Tenzou with that maddening gaze, his visible pupil blown wide.

Tenzou eases his finger in slowly, slower than he ever has before, and for probably the first time, Kakashi doesn’t fuss at him for it. He simply closes his eyes and and sighs softly with pink lips.

Tenzou takes his time moving that single finger inside of Kakashi’s body, sliding in and out with care. He doesn’t touch Kakashi’s prostate or tease him at all; he simply moves back and forth as gently as he can, relearning the body below him.

He dribbles more lube over Kakashi’s entrance, to the point where it’s past unnecessary and just messy, and Kakashi lets his right knee drop down to the bed as he’s worked open. He feels warm and cared for, innocent like he hasn’t been in decades. Tenzou touches him like it’s the first time anyone ever has. There’s something solemn about his expression, and his fingers move against Kakashi like his skin is made up of worn out texts that require delicate handling. Kakashi doesn’t even call him out on it. Right now he just… accepts it.

Tenzou gradually slips in a third finger. Kakashi twitches and bites his lip. Tenzou’s eyes snap back up to his face and while he still looks sincere, there’s an edge of eagerness to it now that had faded briefly. Kakashi wonders what he was thinking about even though he doesn’t want to.

Tenzou still doesn’t touch his prostate, instead choosing to coax sounds out of Kakashi with just the stretching of his own body, the caress of calloused fingertips, and the knowledge of impending pleasure. It seems to be effective, based on the way Kakashi rolls his lips against each other and mewls. His hands twitch anxiously so he digs his fingers into the sheets. There’s a quiet agony in this, in the need for patience, and he clenches his teeth.

A few minutes later, Tenzou licks his lips and finally probes a bit deeper. Kakashi chokes out something like a grunt at the sudden bump against his most sensitive place, and he clenches up instinctively. Tenzou freezes right along with him, ever aware and full of patience. Kakashi takes a slow breath and makes himself relax again, letting out a groan so deep it’s more of a sensation than a sound. He manages not to tense up at the next tap, and Tenzou gradually lets it turn into a cautious rub.

He makes a quiet shushing sound, one that sends a shiver over Kakashi’s skin. He hadn’t realized he was even making noise until he hears that, and then Kakashi is suddenly aware of the needy whining coming from the back of his own throat. He doesn’t try to quiet down because he knows that’s not what Tenzou is asking of him; he’s just checking in, making sure Kakashi knows that he is safe and that Tenzou will continue to watch over him closely.

He proves as much with his actions, with the gentle strokes of his fingers against Kakashi’s walls, with the barely there brushes against his prostate, intended to relax rather than arouse. Kakashi hasn’t been touched like this since...

Since the last time he went to bed with Tenzou.

It’s actually been awhile since Kakashi has even been penetrated by anything other than his own fingers, so he welcomes the extra preparation. It’s not something they’ve always had time for in the past, and it feels fitting that they’re taking their time with each other after so long apart.

So Kakashi trembles and pants and tries not to buck his hips too much and thoroughly enjoys himself for the most past. But then he nods to Tenzou to tell him he’s ready and Tenzou just grins back at him, somehow looking sappy and devious at the same time, and he wiggles his fingers playfully and Kakashi knows that Tenzou is going to make up for lost time tonight. He shivers, half in dread and half in anticipation.

“I thought about this.” Tenzou confesses, his sanity evaporating in the heat of Kakashi's body. “After you left, I still thought about you.”

Kakashi’s mouth feels as dry as his dick is wet. He licks his lips slowly. “Yes?”

Tenzou nods, slowly alternating the strokes of his fingers. “I thought about all the things I’d do if I could have you again, all the ways I’d pleasure you. I want to make you come like this, just from this.”

A low tone rumbles through Kakashi at the words and he nods, lost in the gentle rhythm of Tenzou’s hands. He thirsts for this, deeply and furiously. He feels like he’s awake for the first time in weeks, like a bone has just shifted back into alignment. It’s so sudden he can’t even register the movement; he’s only aware of how things were and how they are and that’s the only clue that change has occurred.

Tenzou scissors his fingers slowly, bending them just enough to brush Kakashi’s prostate each time he brings them back together. Kakashi feels something like a ripple pass through his body at each touch, and his belly jumps in response. Tenzou’s free hand passes over Kakashi’s twitching abdomen, pressing lightly to increase the sensation. Something like a small yawn shifts Kakashi’s face, and Tenzou slowly lets up the pressure, pleased to see he still knows exactly how to pleasure his lover. His fingers continue to move at the same languid pace inside of Kakashi’s body.

Kakashi rocks his hips down into Tenzou’s hands, stroking his palms over his own chest while Tenzou looks down at him with a heady intensity. He feels as if Tenzou is tracing out plans over his skin, mapping out Kakashi’s body and deciding how best to conquer it. Those dark eyes devour him, seeking out all of his hidden scars and dragging his dark spaces into the light. He feels penetrated on every level.

The fingers inside of Kakashi change tactics, slowly coming together and then crossing very, very carefully. Kakashi whimpers and throws his head at the odd sensation. It’s a new feeling, a new shape to adjust to. He feels terribly-wondefully full. Tenzou’s knuckles press roughly against his walls when he moves and Kakashi throws an arm over his forehead while his other hand scratches at his own chest.

Tenzou rubs his fingers together, and in a flash Kakashi is reminded of a mission when he had broken his arm and Tenzou had to start a fire for them with kindling. He imagines the friction of Tenzou’s fingers slowly creating heat, a small wisp of smoke drifting up from them, and then a spark, hot and bright and deep within Kakashi’s body. He groans, toes flexing, feeling like his insides are full of coals and Tenzou has just set him alight.

“T-Te-Tenzou…” He stutters, curling his nails against the lower edge of his rib cage. His heels press against the bed as he rocks back into the heat of Tenzou’s fingers, feeling suddenly broken and blind when Tenzou pushes deeper and touches his prostate again. Tenzou’s free hand strokes slowly and firmly down the outside of Kakashi’s right thigh, and he shushes him gently, whispers his name and reassurances and lovely promises lodged deep in Kakashi’s memory.

These words and this touch, it’s so familiar he could cry. For a moment Kakashi convinces himself the past several years were a dream, that he’s been sick maybe and Tenzou is eager to see him awake again, that maybe there was a close call and now passions have erupted. Perhaps he’s so lost in pleasure he can’t even remember where he’s been or who he is, doesn’t know anything but that Tenzou owns him. There is no pain.

Tenzou is uncrossing his fingers just as gently when Kakashi throws himself back from the edge of orgasm. He twists his hand with the movement so he smoothly returns to the same steady scissoring from before. Kakashi sinks down into the mattress, into his head, not deep but just below the surface, where the world is quiet and safe and he is invisible, a formless being of thought and feeling that cannot ever be hurt because all is ecstasy. Hands touch skin that he no longer has, fingers seek deep inside the body that doesn’t exist, and he feels it all, writhes in it, even as the world fades back around him, even as the yellow oval across the ceiling dims, the body above him still breathes.

“Kakashi?” The lungs say, and they have a name, a face, a body that curls over his own, because he has one too, a body, and a face and a name and that is it: Kakashi.

He can’t speak for a moment, body vibrating and overwhelmed. His throat feels like it’s shaking too hard, tumbling all his words around, and he swallows and breathes deeply as the touch eases up and his mind clears. He floats back up, just above the other world but not quite in the one he’s known best, and his eyes are closed when he answers.

“Tenzou.” Protector, friend, provider, guide, student, ally, conscience, tether, more.

“Look at me.” He says, and Kakashi obeys, his blurry eyes opening and looking up into a smile, into dark brown eyes, eyes as dark as the tunnels they frequent together, as the nights they haunt. The face is close, brushes against his, and he keeps his eyes open even when the face is too close to hold form.

An ache builds in his head, above his nose and to the side, and he blinks, a feeling a niggling worry despite Tenzou’s presence and then he realizes he is seeing on a different level, using his sharingan carelessly, so he shuts that eye but continues to look at Tenzou, to obey.

Tenzou smiles down at him with fondness and admiration, an echo of the same awe he felt when he first witnessed the Chidori in action, when Kakashi first lifted a hand to protect him, when they first touched each other. The fingers draw away and Kakashi’s body reaches after them until Tenzou’s other hand presses down on his hip, and then Kakashi stills, feeling bereft and gasping. Vulnerable.

“Are you alright?” Tenzou asks, and part of Kakashi ducks away; part of him is looking about for the shadows and the exits; part of him hates that Tenzou knows, that he can see it when Kakashi drops, and yet he yearns for it to, for the lack of judgment in those eyes, the affection in the hand caressing his shoulder, the honest concern he hasn’t seen on another face in a long time.

He pauses for a moment because even now, hard and disoriented and dribbling precum onto his own belly, he remembers Tenzou insisting he think before he answers these questions. So he shuts his eyes and catalogues the state of his body; no injuries, cold fading as Tenzou sets fire to his insides, a familiar but mild headache and a heavy need within his core. He is allowed to keep these small things to himself because Tenzou knows how the exposure feels, how it drives Kakashi away.

Kakashi nods, letting his lust for Tenzou overwhelm him and push all that terror away. “Yeah. Yeah, keep going.”

Tenzou smiles and leans close to settle his teeth against Kakashi’s lip, barely nibbling between breaths. “Of course. With pleasure.”

The fingers return then, two strong for a while and then back to three, thick and warm and pushing so perfectly deep. Kakashi moans softly under his breath, chin falling against his shoulder when those fingers curl and send up another round of sparks through his body. He welcomes the heat of the tiny volcano within him, the way it shakes his legs and sends quakes through his belly, urged on by Tenzou’s will. He is a god here, creating and molding Kakashi like a landscape, granting him salvation the older man had long stopped looking for.

It isn’t long before Kakashi is back in that shallow place, feeling like he’s low in a hot bath with his ears under the water, feeling the waves lap at the very corners of his eyes when he shifts. Relaxed and safe in the cradle of that other world but still anchored here, still aware, still watching Tenzou in between long blinks of bliss.

Tenzou’s fingers roll and dance inside him, one knuckle and then another and then another and then the first, and he shudders at the press of calloused fingertips interspersing it all, dragging him open. He imagines himself as a scroll being unrolled by those handsome fingers, his insides slowly being exposed. It’s not frightening from where he is, buried deep down in the pleasure, and he lets himself unravel.

“You’re going to come from this.” Tenzou promises as he pets over Kakashi’s shaking flank. “Just from this. Nothing but my fingers in your ass.”

“Yes.” Kakashi says with what’s intended as a sigh but sounds more like a whine bordering on a squeak. The yellow light looks like fire hitting the side of Tenzou’s face, and Kakashi imagines he is made of flame, scorching Kakashi from within until he’s numb from all the pain he knows and there’s only this, the brisk tap tap tap of fingers against his prostate.

“Tenzou.” He whimpers mindlessly, body throbbing around the other man’s fingers with his racing pulse. Kakashi’s hands caress his own body with a sort of lost desperation. He wants to touch himself, but that doesn’t match up with Tenzou’s plan, and Kakashi trusts in the plan with his entire self, so he simply lets his hands roam elsewhere. They drift over his sternum, down his ribs, into the cut of his hip bones and over his thighs.

Tenzou watches him with tilted brows, his entire face stiff with intense focus. There’s dedication in his expression, in the persistent way he teases Kakashi from within. He works Kakashi over like he can’t imagine doing anything else for the rest of his life, like he’s found his purpose and it is this: to please Kakashi Hatake, to chase away his hurt.

It’s an intense experience, being the focus of Tenzou’s attentions, and Kakashi lets himself sink a little lower. He drags his hands up his chest and neck, up into his hair like he’s seen women do. Shame can’t reach him this far down, and he bares his neck to Tenzou, submitting straight down to his soul. He moans when Tenzou’s teeth clasps his jugular gently, and his senses tingle with the sense of danger, but that doesn’t reach him here, either.

He can’t feel anything but the heat of the body over him, the tongue tickling his skin, the fingers spearing into him and lighting up the backs of his eyelids. He opens up easily, legs spreading in a way he’d hate himself for if anyone else was above him. Fear is a foreign word.

“That’s it, firefly. Let me in.” Tenzou croons, breath hot against Kakashi’s neck, and Kakashi preens at the nickname. Heat swirls inside of him, and he lets it, feels it climb his body like the tide coming in, spilling out from Tenzou’s fingers, from the bliss building in his own body.

His limbs tremble and his abdomen clenches. He rocks his head from side to side, feeling helpless and comfortable enough to display it openly. His breath comes out fast and broken, bits of words tripping over his teeth.

Tenzou presses in deeper, adding more pressure, and Kakashi can hear him speaking softly, urgent and close to his ear. “Haven’t even touched your cock and you’re so close, aren’t you? I want to watch you come, ‘Kashi. Will you do that for me, firefly?”

Kakashi clenches his teeth as those fingers vibrate inside of his body. He tilts his head back, arms out at his sides and legs quivering like he’s being crucified. Tenzou strokes a hand across his belly and Kakashi can feel the dip of each of his knuckles, the callouses and lines on his palm, the brush of hair when his wrist moves closer. Everything feels sudden and sharp, adrenaline streaming through his veins. He curls his hands into fists, clutches at the blankets, curls his toes just as tightly and bends his knees and pants, chest moving like there’s something alive inside of him. Tenzou is close and fierce, inside him and above him, voice filling the air around them, husky and hot, spilling nonsense and pleas and then an order, the only thing that breaks through the haze:

“Come, come right now.”

Kakashi groans like the sound is being pulled up and out of his throat, all of his muscles spasming helplessly as his balls pull tight and his cock pulses, spilling over his belly and shooting up onto his chest, his chin, hot like wax against his flesh.

Tenzou’s fingers continue to move inside of him, softer now but still persistent, pressing everything out of Kakashi’s body, wringing him like a wet rag. Kakashi trembles, still coming, his entire body feeling weightless and stuck in time.

He bobs at the surface of his mind, feeling miles away from everything except the body looming over him., the eyes staring down at him, warm and full of soft concern.

“Fuck. That was… are you okay?” Tenzou asks, and Kakashi mumbles out something that’s more of a weak whine than an answer. Tenzou chuckles and pushes back his sweaty hair, knocking loose the droplets collected in his hairline. They drip down Kakashi’s face, feeling cool like tears. He takes a shuddering breath and blinks.

Tenzou is looking down at him, his own face flushed and damp with sweat. His eyes are wide and swollen like his lips. He looks like he’s looking at something beautiful, and it takes a moment for that to sink in. Kakashi smiles back, feeling a bit smaller out here on the surface.

Tenzou leans down and crushes their lips together with a striking desperation. He sucks at Kakashi’s lips, inhaling his sounds and stealing his air. Kakashi gasps when their mouths break apart and Tenzou apologizes softly. “Fuck, sorry.”

He clears his throat. “That was…”

“Intense.” Kakashi croaks out weakly.

Tenzou nods and chuckles softly, amused by the answer for a reason Kakashi can’t pin. “Yeah. Fuck. You’re probably exhausted. We can-“

Kakashi’s hands move before his mind even registers that Tenzou is shifting away. “Fuck me.” He demands, voice cracking weakly, and he realizes he means it, feels his cock already struggling to fill again.

Tenzou blinks, looking stunned, and then he surges forward, crashing his mouth back into Kakashi’s with enough force to bruise. Kakashi kisses back in a daze, lost in the world of sensations around him; the cooling cum on his skin, Tenzou’s soft lips and large hands, the sweat slipping down their bodies.

Tenzou’s body is heavy, pushing him down into the bed, and Kakashi focuses on the sensation, lets Tenzou steal the breath from his chest. The haze creeps back over his brain and he lets it leak into his muscles until they’re loose and languid again. It’s better than alcohol, better than adrenaline, the most intoxicating sensation he’s ever felt. He feels like he’s waking up to another reality, his mind left behind with all the fear and doubt and anguish of their lives. 

This moment is entirely separate from everything bad, and he basks in it, spreads his legs again like he’s floating in a lake. Tenzou’s hands feel like sunshine on his thighs.

He drifts in the strangeness, in his post-orgasmic bliss, and then Tenzou is kissing him again and there’s a pressure against his body, something both new and familiar at the same time, and Kakashi feels at peace.

He loves having sex with Tenzou under any circumstance, but the slow ache of it after being apart so long is special in its own right. He feels like he’s twenty two again, being broken open by this same man in a world that feels lifetimes away. He doesn’t miss ANBU, but he has missed this feeling, that awe of being taken for the first time, the strangely satisfying vulnerability of it, the feeling of his heart in his throat and his limbs being both uselessly heavy and light with elation. 

He blinks, feeling the small, soft sensation of his own eyelashes against his cheeks. Tenzou’s is watching him, framed by the dark fan of them, lit from the side and the back. He’s looking down at Kakashi with a softness the older man remembers from years ago in dozens of places. There’s a completeness in his expression, like all of Tenzou’s pieces are lined up right, like the spy and the man are one.

This is something Tenzou will never take for granted: the feeling of sliding into Kakashi after he’s had an orgasm. His body is still and calm and pliable, and the rest of him is both softer and more immediate.

Kakashi looks back at him with wide eyes, appearing a bit dazed, like he’s been caught off guard. It’s just shy of too much, being stretched and filled while he’s still so sensitive, and he throws himself into the flood of sensations, lets them pull him under and along, lets them steal his senses away. He’s helpless against it and that sends a frightening thrill through him. He wants to disappear back into this feeling, to give Tenzou the reins and trust in someone else for a little longer. He wants to just let go.

So he does. He closes his eyes and smiles and lets Tenzou tug at his legs and shove him around. He pushes back against the aching pressure, half-masochistic and half-relieved at its return. He actually thought he could live without this once, without this caring man who fucks Kakashi like he’s saving his soul, who gives and gives and gives again, who keeps kissing Kakashi even when his mouth must ache.

Maybe he is still naive.

Tenzou’s gaze flutters about frantically as he tries to take it all in, to memorize every shift of every line, every angle and every shadow. He doesn’t know when he’ll see this face again and he aches with anxiety. It’s a strange feeling that twists through his gut and makes his teeth clench.

He’s accustomed to change, to the uncertainty of his own future. That’s what it means to be shinobi, to be ANBU; Tomorrow may require his life, his body, his soul, and he accepts this, most of the time. He doesn’t know any other way.

But there are moments like this, when he sees Kakashi’s lips parting on a sigh, his own teeth marks on the pale skin of his lover’s chin, that Tenzou thinks he would rather have a guarantee; If only he could know this wouldn’t be the last time, if only he could know he’d never forget a detail.

His chest aches with a sort of watered down dread. He presses closer to Kakashi like he can sneak his heart into the other man’s rib cage for safe keeping. Kakashi kisses back like he’d be willing to accept anything from Tenzou in that moment; his heart, his kiss, a blade between the ribs.

Kakashi feels real and solid against him, immediate and in the moment. His skin is heated and damp with sweat and cum and Tenzou doesn’t think he’s ever touched anything more alive. Kakashi’s gaze seems clearer than it’s been in some time, and he responds to every touch without hesitation. He’d always been a receptive partner before, but right now it’s as if he’s found new purpose, like there’s fresh life in his bones.

A cynical part of Tenzou wonders how long it will last but he shakes the doubt away. It doesn’t matter; he will be here even if Kakashi isn’t. He will cherish every piece of him, even when they can no longer be reassembled.

Kakashi looks softer in the yellowed light, like a flash of a night some years back in this same room, blushing and buzzed while he held Tenzou’s ANBU mask in his hand. His face is sharper now, skin paler and shadows deeper, but he tilts his head the same way, and his thighs are just as strong around Tenzou’s waist.

Tenzou kisses the hollow of his cheek, the edge of his mouth, crosses his nose to lick at the smooth skin beside his scar. He closes his eyes and focuses on the feel of Kakashi’s skin beneath his lips, the warmth, the texture, and imprints the importance of these things on his soul. _Don’t forget. Don’t ever forget. You’re going to lose him someday so don’t you ever forget this._

He sees Kakashi looking at him out of the corner of his eye. It’s an odd look, concerned and intent but lacking any sign of distrust. There’s a weight to it, a sort of pressure. Tenzou pulls back slowly and meets that curious gaze. Kakashi’s eyebrows dip a little lower and then rise in question.

Tenzou smiles slightly and shakes his head. He reaches out and cups Kakashi’s cheek.

“Just missed you.” He whispers, biting back the quiver in his voice.

Something flashes in Kakashi’s eye, disappearing in a blink. He nods, and the weight of their reality settles in around them like sandbags. Every time really could be the last.

They move together with familiarity, bodies pressing together and pulling apart in a way that feels like dancing, like sparring, like falling into line for drills or fighting back to back. It feels like years spent together, like shared tents and shared meals and shared baths. Even after all this time apart, they still fit.

It isn’t love, but it’s close, maybe the closest they’ll ever get.

Kakashi takes Tenzou in like oxygen, like sustenance, like steel into his own flesh when there are no other options. And Tenzou pushes forward like he’s coming home, like seed into soil and coin into purse. They clash together with the same intent and quiet violence of dual blades being returned to the sheath, of hands clasped in prayer. There’s purpose in their movements beyond pleasure, a desperation to connect driving them both on. They cling to each other, hands digging into flesh, gripping at corners and bones to try and slow their own descent.

Tenzou growls and fucks deeper, driven by need, feeling as if he can pound Kakashi into submission with his hips and pin him here forever where he’s warm and safe. He wants to embed his affection into the other man, to write out his love in gentle bruises, to connect Kakashi’s body to the world, to ground him.

“Stay.” He begs, pleads, _orders_ in between kisses, feeling like his throat is closing up around the word even though he wants to scream it forever.

“Yes.” Kakashi says back, nodding in a way that smears their lips together. He sounds equally breathless and his fingers dig into Tenzou’s back as if he’s scared his voice isn’t loud enough.

Tenzou’s thumbs curl into the dips of Kakashi’s waist, his other fingers flat and rough at the tops of his hips. He pulls Kakashi up against him with each thrust, and the smaller man thrashes back, gasping with wet lips.

“Tenzou, Tenzou, Tenzou…” He prays, sharingan cracking open just enough to capture the image before him, to forever freeze in his mind the sight of Tenzou’s sweat-slick brow and honest eyes and bitten lips and golden skin, the way his hair looks when it’s limp and dripping with sweat.

Tenzou gasps at the flicker of that red eye, head tilting up as he swallows a new pulse of arousal, pacing himself. He slides his hand over hot skin and wraps his fingers around Kakashi’s rigid cock. Kakashi tosses his head to the side with a cry, hips trapped between wondrously pleasurable sensations. He plucks at his own nipples, scratches a hand across his chest, leaking cum and satisfaction. He feels so full, his ass and cock and heart all aching with it.

The need in him is different today, not driven by self-hatred or sorrow but by something baser; a longing for connection. Tenzou’s touch seems to eat away at the loneliness inside him, oxidizing it until it crumbles away from Kakashi’s seams and leaves him free and flexible. He isn’t here for punishment or release. He’s here because Tenzou is his anchor.

Tenzou has played this role for Kakashi before, after close calls or shared drinks or icy baths at the side of a stream, covered in blood or dirt or the fresh scent of soap. They have kept each other grounded for years. But then he left and everything changed and Kakashi had accepted that, really, he _had,_ but right now he’s underneath Tenzou and he realizes how desperately he missed it all. He needs this.

And maybe it goes both ways, if the words Tenzou is frantically whispering against his temple are to be believed: _Stay with me, stay with me, please stay, just stay._

 _“_ Yes.” He says back, “Yes, anything, yes.”

And he means it. As lost in pleasure as he is, Kakashi won’t say things he doesn’t mean. Not here, not to this man. This thing between them is as close to sacred as anything he knows. How did he ever live without it?

Tenzou pumps Kakashi’s cock in rhythm with his own hips. Their pace is fast and rapidly growing in efficiency as they race towards the edge of this plateau. Kakashi feels like he’s caught out in the open ocean, being battered by waves that push him around and try to drag him down, make him feel small and humbled and unaccountable. His thighs shake and his belly clenches as more waves roll over him, and he’s completely underwater now, looking up at Tenzou’s calm, dark eyes through a film, unconcerned with his own held breath and ready to succumb to the tide.

He lets it drag him down, lets his mind drop away completely and for one sharp instant, everything is over; It’s just his body hanging in the cool darkness, weak and defeated. He’s a single drop in the  ocean of eternity, unimportant and free, just another piece of the darkness beneath the waves. For a moment, he ceases to exist and he is absolutely _content_.

He blinks and there is gold light caught between his lashes, drifting down through the water like dust motes. He feels a hand against his waist, and then he’s being pulled up towards the surface, towards the light, and when he takes his first breath, feeling lightheaded and limp, Tenzou is above him. His face is damp and for a second, the world in Kakashi’s head overlaps with reality and they’re both lost out in the endless blue ocean, staring at each other.

He blinks again and the sunshine dims, stops flickering, and it’s just the bathroom light and the unpainted ceiling. And Tenzou, who is looking down at Kakashi in a way that aches, breathing like his soul is scratching at his lungs, staring like Kakashi will be his salvation. Kakashi closes his eyes against that expression and longs for the water.

It’s gone though, all dried up in Tenzou’s light, and Kakashi tries to tell himself that it’s a good thing, that he cannot live in that other world. Tenzou will bring him there readily but he always wants Kakashi back, even when Kakashi himself wants to stay.

 

 

Tenzou raises his head slowly from Kakashi’s shoulder and carefully pulls out. Kakashi’s breath stutters but he doesn’t flinch, and Tenzou nuzzles at his cheek sleepily.

Kakashi immediately sneezes in his face.

“Ah, gross!” Tenzou says, at the same moment that it occurs to him that he should hardly care. Kakashi has sneezed and spit and sweat and bled and vomited and cried and come on him, oozed pus and leaked drainage fluid under his fingers, and in one wild night of kink exploration even pissed on his foot. (It didn’t end up becoming a thing. As it turns out, when you’re constantly peeing in the woods next to someone, the taboo of urine doesn’t really affect you so much anymore. Pity.) The point is, he’s become rather well acquainted with Kakashi’s various fluids over the years, so this really shouldn’t phase him. Still, he supposes he’s accustomed to pretending at normalcy, so he doesn’t hesitate to snatch up Kakashi’s shirt (which is really his own- shit) and wipe the bits of snot off of his cheek.

Kakashi sniffles loudly, voice dipping low with congestion. “Dammit. I think I’m sick.”

Tenzou peers over the soiled shirt. He gives Kakashi a deadpan look. “Hypothermic man gets sick. Shocking.”

Kakashi wipes his leaky nose against his shoulder like a petulant child. “I wasn’t hypothermic.”

Tenzou rolls his eyes. “Your lips were blue.”

“Kuranai says it’s a good color for me.” Kakashi quips back thoughtlessly, closing his eye and snuggling down into his pillow.

Tenzou makes a face. He tilts his head. “Maybe. Wrong shade though.”

Kakashi chuckles and chokes back another sneeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI: some of you may have noticed that I removed Reason for My Story. I just didn’t like the way it turned out. It didn’t flow well. It will be reuploaded as a part of From Several Rooms Away in the future.


	6. The One Where Kakashi is Sick and Tenzou is Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou nurses Kakashi back to health. Kakashi is uncooperative and Sakura is unimpressed.
> 
> Featuring: conspiracy theories, dangerous discoveries, and one very angry medic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we’re back down to a T rating for this chapter. It’s just fluff and angst.
> 
> (There’s a lot of snot, too, but that’s probably not as enticing.)
> 
> I might change the name for this chapter in the future. Couldn’t find anything that fit.
> 
> Chapter warnings: sickness, snot, and being accidentally outed.

Tenzou spends the next day making soup, wondering when he acquired so many blankets, and arguing with Kakashi. Though arguing may not be the best word for it because Kakashi lost his voice part way through the night and now he mostly just glares and throws things and doesn’t drink enough water. In truth, Tenzou doesn’t really do much arguing either; he just makes a lot of threats and tries to shove thermometers and pills into Kakashi’s mouth.

They spill a lot of soup in the process, so Tenzou does a lot of laundry too. He’s had to do significantly more laundry since this thing with Kakashi started up again, and he doesn’t hesitate to bring this up.

It’s not exactly the ideal morning after, but it feels honest, like they’re picking up right where they left off, and Tenzou falls a bit more in love even as he reminds himself why it wouldn’t be fair to push Kakashi off of the bed right now.

“Look you can either do this for me or be forced to do it by Sakura. I should add that if Sakura has to do it, she’s not going to leave.”

Kakashi gives Tenzou a dry look that clearly states that he doesn’t see how that’s any different that Tenzou’s constant hovering. In Tenzou’s defense, he’s never taken care of a sick person before, so he’s falling back on the more familiar ground of trying to keep Kakashi from dying, which unfortunately means he can’t simply kill the other man.

“I’m serious, Kakashi. You’re supposed to take two of these pills every six hours to keep the fever down. And if we don’t get your fever down, I will _drag_ you to the hospital even if I have to get Gai to assist me.”

That hits the mark. Kakashi gives Tenzou a dubious look, which Tenzou responds to with a raised eyebrow and a hand on his hip that says “just try me”. Kakashi slumps down into his blanket cocoon and Tenzou approaches the bed with the medication already in his palm.

He reaches out and tugs down Kakashi’s mask gently, completely unsurprised to see that the older man is pouting. Tenzou pushes the pills past Kakashi’s lips and then offers him the water that’s been sitting on the nightstand. Kakashi drinks sparingly, turning away the moment the pills are down. Tenzou rolls his eyes as he puts the water back. Dehydrated bastard.

Getting Kakashi to eat isn’t nearly as hard, because Tenzou put his cooking skills to the test and made Kakashi’s favorite, eggplant soup. Apparently he doesn’t entirely suck in the kitchen, and at least Kakashi gets his fluids that way. Unless he’s summoning the Ninken and giving them all of his meals, but Tenzou is pretty sure he would have noticed if that was happening. Probably.

Maybe that’s why the idiot is so thin...

Tenzou rolls his eyes to himself as he collects their dishes and is pleased to see that while Kakashi‘s bowl is empty, it hasn’t been licked clean. So he’s probably eating everything himself.

 

Tenzou washes the dishes and empties the dryer, filling a laundry basket with clean clothing ready to be folded. He carries the basket back to the bedroom to find Kakashi reading.

Tenzou sits at the foot of the bed and begins folding clothes, soothed by Kakashi’s soft sniffles and the occasional flipping of a page. It’s stupidly domestic, the kind of thing they have no business engaging in, but Tenzou still finds himself dreaming of a future when this is an average afternoon.

 

Kakashi falls asleep with his head pillowed on Tenzou’s belly after the laundry is all folded and put away. He snores quietly, mouth hanging open below his ragged, red nose. A small bit of drool drips down on Tenzou’s tee-shirt and he wishes like hell he had a camera. There’s something absolutely thrilling about seeing Kakashi looking less than composed, even when it’s not sexual.

Tenzou strokes his fingers through Kakashi’s thick hair and glances at the clock. He mentally calculates when Kakashi’s next dose of medicine will be due. He took some with lunch, and that was around 1, so he’ll need to take more at 7, which works out perfectly because they’ve been eating their meals late. Tenzou lets his fingers drift down to Kakashi’s forehead. The heat isn’t as strong as it was yesterday, but he wonders if he should take Kakashi’s temperature again anyway?

Kami, is this what being a parent is like?

Tenzou imagines Kakashi caring for Naruto and Sasuke like this, full of worry and deprived of sleep, with snot on his shirt and two sniffling kids sprawled across his body, kicking out fitfully in their sleep and drooling all over him. It brings a quiet smile to Tenzou’s face. Konoha was wrong; Kakashi would have been an incredible father.

And he’d be happier for it. Sasuke would probably still be here, training side by side with Naruto and Sakura, all three of them pushing each other to be better, to get stronger. Konoha lost out on a lot more than a prodigy when they abandoned Sasuke.

But where would that leave Tenzou? Would he and Sai ever have been added to Kakashi’s team? Would he be holding Kakashi right now?

He thinks he’d give it all up for Kakashi’s sake, but it’s easy to say that when there’s no possibility of that happening. Tenzou swallows and looks down at his friend.

“I love you.” He whispers softly.

Kakashi stirs and Tenzou immediately tenses up, clasping his lips with regret. Maybe he’s just shifting-

“Someday, Tenzou.” Kakashi whispers back in a voice heavy and dull with sleep.

Tenzou’s hand stills momentarily in Kakashi’s hair. Kakashi’s breathing resumes it’s gentle pattern, and Tenzou wonders if he ever even woke up. Did he imagine that just now? He slowly starts petting Kakashi again, feeling uncertain.

Maybe he’s getting sick too...

 

Tenzou dozes off himself at some point, caught between his own anxieties and hopes for the impossible. He dreams of Kakashi in his kitchen, stirring something at the stove. Naruto comes up beside the other man, smaller than he’s been in years. He stands on his toes, fingertips curled over the counter.

“What are you making?” Naruto asks.

“Food.” Kakashi answers with a small smirk.

Naruto perks up and pulls himself higher with his fingers to try and get a better look. “Is it ramen?”

“No way. I’m not eating ramen again.” Another voice says, and Sasuke slinks into the kitchen with a steady glare.

Naruto drops back down to the floor and turns around to stick his tongue out at Sasuke. “Good. That leaves more for me!”

Sasuke snarls. “Kakashi, tell me we’re not having ramen again.”

Kakashi just smiles down at the stove pot and stays silent.

Tenzou blinks awake slowly. His lips are tilted up in a smile, and he brushes a curious finger over them. He hasn’t had a dream like that in years. Aside from the sexier ones, he actually hasn’t had a good dream in years, just nightmares. It’s strange to wake up feeling so light, and Tenzou feels tears prick his eye. He wipes them away and stretches, looking around the bedroom. Kakashi isn’t there. The smile falls from his face and Tenzou distantly wonders if he’s awake after all. Dread fills him. “Kakashi?”

The wet sound of someone gathering mucus in their mouth and spitting into the sink answers him. Gross. Tenzou’s shoulders drop again as the fear vanishes.

The faucet turns on briefly and then back off. Kakashi walks back into the bedroom, wiping at his mouth, looking miserable. He has two blankets draped over his shoulders and his voice is little more than a rasp of sandpaper when he speaks. “Here.”

Tenzou glances at the clock. It’s a little after 3. He’s only been asleep for just over an hour. Which is good for him but obviously not for Kakashi.

Kakashi flops forward onto the bed and moans softly against the sheets. “That snot jutsu I’m working on is still a long ways off.”

Tenzou’s lip curls up a bit in disgust. “I didn’t think you were serious about that.”

Kakashi lifts his head enough to be heard more clearly. “It’ll be water based. Sakura said it couldn’t be done but I think she was lying. I’m going to prove her wrong.”

“Why would she lie about that?” Tenzou asks, even though he really should be trying to shut Kakashi up. The moron needs to rest his voice.

“‘Cause Tsunade’s a bitch who thrives on secrets and corrupting the youth.” Kakashi answers, sniffling hard. He drags himself further up the bed until his head reaches a pillow and then collapses again.

“As good a reason as any.” Tenzou answers with good humor as he tucks the blankets more securely around Kakashi.

Kakashi cracks open his eye again. “Don’t let her boobs distract you. She knows more than she lets on.”

Tenzou nods and brushes back Kakashi’s hair, subtly checking his fever. About the same. Well that’s… reassuring but also not. Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation talking? He definitely seems more out of it than he has been so far.

“You should get some more rest.” Tenzou advises gently.

Kakashi glares at him. “Don’t take her side.” He’s asleep again before Tenzou can raise an eyebrow.

 

Kakashi wakes up again several hours later. Tenzou looks over when he feels the other jounin shift. He glances down at the page number of his book - 137 - and sets it down on the nightstand while Kakashi yawns.

“Hey.” He greets gently.

Kakashi grunts back quietly. “Head hurts.”

Tenzou leans over to press his knuckles to Kakashi’s forehead. He’s warm, but the fever doesn’t seem to be back. “You know, I think I’ve heard you complain more in the past two days than the entire time I’ve known you. It’s a little endearing.”

“I’m glad you think my pain is cute.” Kakashi says back in a stuffy, monotonous voice.

Tenzou sneers a bit. “Eh, I’m not sure I’d go _that_ far.”

Kakashi rolls to glare at him and Tenzou leans down to kiss his nose. “Or maybe I would.”

Tenzou sits back up and drops his legs over the side of the bed. He rises to his feet and stretches, feeling his spine click a few times as it settles into place. “I’m going to heat up some food for us. Do you want to eat in here or in the kitchen?”

Kakashi sits up, blankets still wrapped tightly around himself and over his head like a hood. “Kitchen. If I stay here much longer, I’ll have made my own soup.”

Tenzou cringes at the comment. Kakashi is right though. Those blankets are probably getting pretty ripe. He’ll have to switch them out soon. If Kakashi will give them up that is.

Tenzou nods and leaves Kakashi to find his own way out of the mass of blankets he’s buried himself under. It’s just as he’s walking into the kitchen that he hears the knock on the door.

Tenzou glances back down the hallway towards the bedroom as he approaches the door and looks through the peephole. He frowns when he sees a slightly anxious looking Sakura on the other side of the door. After checking her chakra to be sure she’s not an impersonator, he unlocks it. “Sakura?”

“Captain Yamato!” She says, as if she’s startled to see him opening the door. He gives her an odd look and she blushes, likely realizing how silly it is to be surprised that he’s in his own apartment.

“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” Tenzou asks, stepping forwards. Sakura moves back and Tenzou closes the door most of the way behind them, not wanting to disturb Kakashi but also wanting him to know that Tenzou is just outside.

“I’m not sure. Have you seen Kakashi sensai? We were supposed to go shopping this afternoon after I finished up at the hospital but he never showed up. He’s not at home, I haven’t felt his chakra anywhere, and nobody’s seen him since yesterday.”

Tenzou feels his stomach drop. Sakura can’t find out that Kakashi is here. That would ruin everything. Who knows how she would react to her sensais being together? Tenzou fights down his panic, reassuring himself. She hasn’t sensed Kakashi yet, so the other man must have realized they had company and concealed his chakra, which is already significantly dampened by his cold. As long as Tenzou doesn’t let Sakura in or _really_ fuck this up, they’re in the clear.

Or they would be.

Except Kakashi sneezes, and for a second his chakra spikes.

Sakura frowns. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you had company. I didn’t mean to intrude, I just-“

Sakura’s words slow to a halt and she makes a confused face. Tenzou prays she didn’t feel it, but he isn’t exactly surprised when the gods don’t follow through.

Sakura glares up at him.

“Is he sick?” She demands, suddenly looking much more intimidating as her eyes narrow. “I swear, if he’s hiding from me because he’s sick, I’ll make him wish he’d been better at it.”

Before Tenzou can even make sense of that statement, Sakura is using her chakra-enhanced strength to push Tenzou aside and stomps right into his apartment. He sputters, rubbing his chest, and follows.

When he enters the apartment, he finds Kakashi standing in the hallway, wrapped in blankets, and looking like he’s just been caught… doing something that he actually feels guilty about. Sakura is standing just inside the doorway, looking like an angry parent and demanding an explanation. Tenzou eases in behind her and shuts the door. It’s strange to feel like he’s intruding in his own home.

“You look terrible! Why didn’t you call me?” Sakura demands.

Kakashi waves a pale hand at her. “Mah, it’s really not that- ah- _CHOO_!!”

He wipes his dripping nose and finishes sheepishly. “That bad.”

Sakura stalks forward and places her palm over Kakashi’s forehead. Her hand glows briefly and then her face smooths out a bit. “Well, you don’t have a fever. I guess I’ll give you that much.”

The last part seems to be directed at Tenzou, who honestly doesn’t know when this became even slightly about him. Kakashi smiles smugly over Sakura’s head. Tenzou makes a very mature expression in response.

“Still…” Sakura says, letting her hands drop to tug on Kakashi’s eyelids, first one and then the other. “You should have called me.”

“I’m sick. How could I possibly be expected to think of that?” Kakashi asks smoothly, letting his voice drop to something even more nasally.

“That’s true.” Sakura admits. Tenzou crosses his arms, unimpressed. His posture shifts again when Sakura turns around and aims her ire his way. “But _you_ certainly could have let someone know he was ill. Look at him! He looks terrible!”

“I resent that.” Kakashi argues.

Sakura rolls her eyes and looks at Tenzou. “Has he eaten recently?”

Tenzou shakes his head. “I was just about to heat up some soup for him.”

Sakura nods. “That’s good. You do that and I’ll get him back to bed.”

Kakashi groans at the thought of resting more but Sakura ignores him. “Where is he sleeping?”

Tenzou fights back a blush and points down the hall. “In my room. I was going to change out the blankets too.”

Sakura looks at the damp sheets wrapped around Kakashi and nods. “Well, you’re not a terrible nurse, I’ll give you that. Come on now, it’s back to bed for you. I’ll see if I can help you any.”

Kakashi frowns as he’s frogmarched back down the hallway and into the bedroom. There’s a soft thump of a body hitting the bed and then Sakura is returning with the soiled blankets. She puts them in the wash like she lives there, and Tenzou suspects it’s a habit developed from house calls. He decides he may as well let someone else fight Kakashi for a bit and moves to get the soup out of the refrigerator.

 

“But I’ve been in bed all day!” Kakashi protests around the thermometer in his mouth. It feels awkward, stretching against his mask, but he’s kept it on in much more inconvenient circumstances than this.

Sakura glares and pushes the thermometer back into place. “No talking. I’m taking your temperature.”

Kakashi scowls and flops back against the pillows like a displeased child, careful not to choke himself. After a moment, the thermometer beeps. Sakura waits while he fishes it out of his mask and hands it back to her. “97.6. You’re in the clear for fever at least. This is still one nasty cold though. Your sinuses are an absolute mess.”

Kakashi won’t argue that part at least. His head is _killing_ him.

“Here, I’m going to check your lymph nodes. Is it okay if I pull down your mask a bit? Just to here on the side?” Sakura pokes her finger against a spot just below Kakashi’s ear. He hesitates for a moment but relents when he sees the determination on Sakura’s face.

”Fine.” He grumbles. “Just don’t go any further.”

“I won’t.” Sakura promises unnecessarily. She reaches up with a small hand and tugs down the edge of Kakashi’s mask.

Sakura pauses, her eyes focusing in on a bruise as it comes into view.

A very particular bruise.

A bruise that is mottled pink and just below Kakashi’s ear.

Her mind races, examining and discarding possibilities even as the truth crops up in the back of her mind. It feels like she’s trying to outrun a sunrise, the way she’s hopelessly struggling to make up excuses.

Really, there’s only one thing that can cause a bruise like that: another person’s mouth.

And it’s reasonably fresh.

She starts noticing other things, like how Kakashi’s shirt hangs lower than usual at the collar and how long the drawstring is on his sweatpants, like it’s pulled as tight as it can go.

These aren’t his clothes.

And that could mean nothing, it could be completely reasonable; Kakashi may have needed to borrow clothes for dozens of reasons.

But then-

Well, then there’s the _hickey_.

Sakura fights back a blush and gently pats the side of Kakashi’s face in a horrible attempt to appear normal, which definitely fails because she has never even _imagined_ patting her former sensai on the cheek before. 

Kakashi gives her a curious look of his own, like maybe she’s the one who’s sick, and Sakura smiles disarmingly, quickly feeling out the node. “It’s a little swollen but nothing to worry about. In fact, I think Captain Yamato can take care of you from here!”

Sakura tries desperately to keep her cringe internal as she really processes what just came out of her mouth. Oh god, this is just so embarrassing! 

“Well, I’ll be off then. Get well soon, Kakashi!” Sakura says with way too much enthusiasm as she ducks out of the room and races back towards the front door.

She hears Captain Yamato call out to her from his place by the stove in confusion, but she just waves him off. “Gotta run! You’ve got this under control!”

And then she’s slamming the door closed behind her like a swarm of bees is on the other side. Sakura sprints a few blocks before she finally relaxes and starts truly processing what she just saw.

She tries to console herself with the fact that at least Kakashi-sensai isn’t dating someone like Gai or Anko, but then again, she doesn’t work with Gai and Anko on a regular basis.

If it’s true, if these two are really, really… _Oh, come on Sakura! You’re a_ nurse, _dammit! You can say it!_ If they’re really- _intimate_ , then that’s definitely going to affect the team!

Unless… unless they’ve been doing this all along? Oh Kami, what if they have? What if all those times they ran off to do recon or pick up supplies were actually just excuses to be alone together? What if-

_Stop it, Sakura!_

These are your _teammates!_ You should be _happy_ for them! And when’s the last time Kakashi actually even let someone help him? Never, as far as she knows. And yet Captain Yamato is making him soup! This is a good thing!

Even if it _is_ her former teacher and their new teammate.

 

Tenzou frowns as Sakura rockets out of the apartment before he can even finish offering her some soup. “Well, that was… concerning.”

He shrugs and fills two large mugs with soup for himself and Kakashi and carries them back to the bedroom carefully. He’s pleased to see the other man is now wrapped up in fresh blankets, even if he is still just as snotty and sweaty as before. “So, what exactly did you say to send Sakura out of here so fast?”

Kakashi shrugs, looking just as confused himself. He sits up a bit to accept the offered soup, turning to face Tenzou, and that’s when he sees it.

The goddamn hickey on Kakashi’s neck.

And if he can see it, then Sakura definitely saw it.

“Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of bummed because I feel like interest in this fic is waning, but that’s what I get for writing in an old fandom. Oh well. I’m not bored with it yet, and that’s a lovely feeling at least <3


	7. Hid My Secrets In a Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura gives Tenzou the Shovel Talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one today! Things are pretty busy for me this month. I hope you’re all having a fantastic holiday season! 
> 
> Warnings in this chapter for historical and ongoing homophobia in Konoha. (Not from Sakura)
> 
> Chapter title from Run by Jasmine Thompson.

_“Shit.”_

Kakashi frowns a bit, already mostly distracted by his food. “Hmm?”

Tenzou sets his own soup down on the nightstand and scrambles around the bed to get a better look at what absolutely cannot be what he thinks it is.

“Your neck.” He answers, grabbing Kakashi’s chin and turning it so he can see better.

“Hey! My sou-“

“You have a goddamn hickey.” Tenzou growls, furious with himself for being so careless. Kakashi freezes, all of the color draining from his face. The mouthful of soup he swallows suddenly feels like sludge going down.

“ _Fuck!_ I have to go find Sakura, try and fix this before it gets any worse.” Tenzou rambles, already scrambling out of the room to put his shoes on.

Kakashi starts to sit up just as Tenzou ducks back into the bedroom. “You’re staying here though. Eat. Rest. I’ll handle it.”

Kakashi gapes. “But-“

“ _I’ll handle it._ ” Tenzou repeats, and leaves the apartment before Kakashi can argue any further.

 

Tenzou finds Sakura a short while later, sitting alone on a bench and eating a sandwich. She stiffens at his approach but doesn’t speak. Probably because she just shoved two bites worth of food into her mouth to avoid doing just that. Tenzou sits down on the other end of the bench and waits for her to finish chewing. And then waits some more, because Sakura is stuffing food into her mouth and chewing very slowly like she’s afraid he’s going to murder her the moment she stops eating.

He actually feels sorry for her when she finally swallows the last bite, at least until she starts carefully collecting all of the crumbs in her palm.

Tenzou sighs heavily. “Sakura-“

“You know I’ll kill you if you hurt him.” Sakura says, throwing her handful of crumbs onto the sidewalk. Birds immediately launch from the trees and swoop down at them excitedly. She looks nervous and stiff, but her tone remains cold. “I mean it. I can make six lethal and entirely undetectable poisons, the slowest of which will put you in a irreversible coma after three days of agonizing pain.”

Tenzou blinks. It’s new information, and the ANBU side of his brain files it away while the rest of him just sort of grins with dark humor. He guesses he really shouldn’t be surprised that she has the guts to threaten him. This _is_ the girl who owns Naruto’s heart.

“You’ll probably have to talk to the Ninken about that. They’ve already got dibs on me if things go south.”

Sakura looks over at Tenzou with a somewhat surprised look. He doesn’t know why. She should know how loyal those dogs are to Kakashi. Honestly, he’d be shocked if they didn’t already have a plan for disposing of him if it comes to that.

“Yeah.” Sakura says softly, and gives him a considering look. “I guess they would.”

Tenzou waits for her to get back on track. He’s already decided to let her direct this conversation. Mostly because he has no idea how to proceed. Under different circumstances, he’d probably just find some quality blackmail to keep her quiet. But it’s Sakura, and she’s been fighting at his back for months. He can’t do that to her. Plus, he really doubts she has anything to hide.

Sakura continues eyeing him, evaluating him. She stretches and casually looks back at the birds. “So. How long?”

Tenzou blinks, frowns. Tough question. “Uh, it’s complicated, I guess.”

Sakura squints at him. “How could that possibly be complicated?”

Tenzou scratches at the back of his neck. He didn’t expect these kinds of questions. What is she, Kakashi‘s father? “Well, we used to- to date, I guess. When we were younger.” Though he doubts either he or Kakashi would call it dating. They mostly just fooled around a lot.

Sakura’s guard drops as her interest peaks. She seems to forget that she’s supposed to be interrogating him. “Oh?”

“Yeah. And then work got in the way.” He says evasively. “So it ended.”

“Then how long has it been going on this time?”

Tenzou thinks. He’s not entirely sure. They’ve been gradually falling back into each other since the second they were in the same room again. But he guesses it really became a thing that night after the mission. Tenzou swallows, knowing this will hurt Sakura. “After Sasuke.”

Sakura shuts her eyes tight. The wrapper in her hand crinkles in her fist. Her face is stiff with control and he looks away, feeling uncomfortable. Strange that he can slit throats without a thought but here he is worrying over one teenage girl’s feelings. Or maybe not so strange; she is one of the children who broke through Kakashi’s shell.

Tenzou hears the wrapper again as Sakura gets a grip on herself and smooths it out over her thigh. “Pretty big secret to have kept from your team all these months.” She says, and it sounds like a question, or maybe an sad accusation.

“Nobody knows.” He responds, possibly hoping to reassure her.

That gets her attention. Sakura frowns, her brows coming together. “Wait, really? _Nobody?_ But why not?”

Tenzou laughs at that, a single sharp huff of a sound. His eyes track a curious squirrel. “It’s not exactly… _appropriate._ ”

Sakura looks even more confused. “What, you mean because you’re both men?”

Tenzou winces, senses automatically searching for any chakra nearby. Nothing.  They’re still alone. He doesn’t relax.

“Be careful what you say.” He responds in a low voice, feeling cold. The squirrel rushes off into the nearby trees.

Sakura’s expression smooths out and she settles back against the bench in feigned relaxation. Tenzou’s eyes drop to a scar on one of her knuckles, and he thinks that she was well placed as a member of an assault squad; a spy she most certainly is not. “It doesn’t make a difference to me.”

Tenzou turns his scoff into a chuckle, hunched forward over his clasped hands. “You’re not the one paying our bills.”

Sakura bristles and glares at him. Tenzou sighs at her darkened expression and sits back. “Sakura… There are things you don’t know about the world we grew up in, the Konoha we knew… it’s nothing like the Village you know today. Things have changed a lot since the war.”

Sakura watches as a darkness seems to swallow up Tenzou; his eyes grow dull with memory, the way Kakashi’s do sometimes. He blinks and the look is gone, locked away again. “Then, people were dying by the thousands. The population was drastically reduced. Child-producing marriages were… encouraged. Anything else was considered a waste of _resources_ and on par with treason.”

Sakura listens to him with wide eyes. She’s never heard of anything like this. She’d known people used to have problems with homosexuality, but her parents never really talked about it or anything, and as far as she’s ever seen it’s just a thing of the past. But the way Tenzou is talking, it sounds like…Like he’s discussing an active threat. Like he’s _afraid_. It’s a startling revelation.

“But things are different now. You just said so.” She argues, feeling out of her depth. Does he really fear his own people? Would the Village really turn on him for this? On Kakashi? After everything they’ve done for Konoha?

And why does it send a chill through Sakura? Surely she doesn’t believe any of this. Lady Tsunade wouldn’t let anything happen to them, right?

Tenzou shakes his head, remembering the hate faced by those unfortunate enough to be caught, the soldiers reported missing in action. He still hears the slurs spoken with disgust among the older generations, knows that even today unacceptable people are erased, that bodies are buried in the woods without markers and names are left off of the memorial stone. He knows skill isn’t the only thing that determines who gets what missions. “Not as different as you’d think.”

Tenzou turns back and looks at Sakura with deadly intensity. “Nobody can know about this. Not Naruto, not Sai, not even Ino or your parents. Do you understand?”

Sakura blinks, startled by the intensity in the Captain’s voice. “You can't possibly think that-“

Tenzou grabs her hand. She gasps as the wrapper falls back to her lap. “It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s not just my life on the line here. Swear to me you will keep this secret.”

Sakura nods, mostly in response to his tone. It’s a reflex she’s developed as a field medic, to accept whatever people say in desperate situations, to offer comfort and reassurance. She swallows as his words finally register and nods again. He’s afraid for Kakashi. She doesn’t know what to do with that.

Sakura squeezes his hand back and clasps her other hand tightly around it. “I’ll keep your secret.”

Tenzou doesn’t realize how tense he is until he hears her say those words. Fear drains away from him and he grips her hand back once more before relaxing. She lets go too, but there’s a wariness in her eyes that wasn’t there before.

 _Good,_  he thinks. _It’ll keep her sharp._

“Captain Yamato.” She says suddenly, looking in the middle distance. He waits for her to continue.

She looks at him intensely. “Take care of him.”  

“I do.” Tenzou nods sincerely, and then shrugs, because she deserves his honesty. “Well, as much as he’ll let me, anyway.”

Sakura looks down and swallows sadly, then nods. “Of course.”

Tenzou gets up first, eager to get back to Kakashi and positive he didn’t stay at the apartment like Tenzou asked. As expected, the second Tenzou is out of earshot from Sakura, Kakashi hops off a rooftop to land beside him. He doesn’t stumble, but he isn’t silent like he normally would be if he were healthy.

“You handled that well.”

“I thought I told you to stay put.” Tenzou grumbles without any real rancor.

Kakashi rubs his covered chin. “Did you? My ears are pretty stuffy right now.”

“Uh-huh.” Tenzou nods with a mask of irritation. “So how much of that did you hear?”

“None of it. I told you; my ears are stuffy.” Kakashi answers, twisting a pinkie through one of them as a demonstration.

Tenzou raises an eyebrow.

“We’ll have to talk to Sakura about not enunciating so clearly though. I could read her lips from here.” Now _that_ , Tenzou believes.

“Come on, you invalid. Let's get you back into bed.”

“Actually, Sakura said I should keep resting.”

It’s a good thing Kakashi isn’t too sick to dodge a punch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of Team Kakashi will be showing up in Chapter 9! So look forward to that!


	8. Peace In Your Violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi goes home. And then he comes back.
> 
> OR
> 
> Tenzou can't convince Kakashi that he's innocent. But maybe he can convince him that he's forgiven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! I'm back with more of my bullshit! I’d like to dedicate this chapter to everyone who commented since my last post. You guys have given me the strength to continue pushing through my illness and get this up. You're all awesome and so many of you touched my heart with your words. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone had a great holiday season (and three months since!) and got your fair share of wholesomeness while I was away, because you won't find much of that here. You WILL find kink though, so you know, it evens out, yeah?
> 
> This chapter contains heavy bdsm elements the likes of which were featured in this story’s prequel, If You Were Church, plus some new additions. I’ve listed these below and added detailed descriptions in the end notes. Please let me know if you’re unsure about a warning or have any questions about potential triggers. Additionally, I will summarize the important aspects of this chapter at the start of the next chapter, so if this stuff makes you uncomfortable, you can skip it entirely. Fic should be fun guys :)
> 
> Chapter warnings:  
> Pretty fucked up role play, reluctant dom!Tenzou, subdrop, torture, minor blood, impact play, unsafe bdsm, mental breakdowns, PTSD, nightmares, currently unbetaed (yikes!)
> 
> Chapter title from Silence by Marshmello ft. Khalid

The first night back at his own place is strange. Kakashi feels like he hasn’t been here in months instead of just a few days, and it feels empty in a way that… _upsets_ him. This was his safe space, somewhere that could be untouchable. There’s no safety in it now, though. Instead, it just feels lonely, with an undercurrent of something more dangerous. Threats seem to lurk in every shadow, to breathe on his neck every time he turns around.

It takes him a long time to fall asleep. Expecting the nightmares doesn’t make them easier to deal with.

 

_“Do you know why I’m doing this?” Itachi says in that disturbingly calm way of his._

_Kakashi doesn’t say anything. He can’t, not with the sword jammed through his throat._

_Itachi stands beside him and nonchalantly stabs him again. More blood spills past Kakashi’s lips, but he can’t manage a sound. His pride is glad for it._

_Itachi leans in as he twists the blade. “It’s because you let Sasuke go. You let him fall into Orichimaru’s hands. And you let him rot there for three years.”_

_The sword Itachi is currently jabbing into Kakashi’s belly twists even deeper, tearing through his guts. He quivers in agony even as he accepts his fate. It’s true, isn’t it? He let Sasuke go, let him become the villain he is today._

_It’s all his fault, all of it. It would have been fitting if he’d died by the Uchiha’s hands all those weeks ago. He wishes he had, wishes he could offer his death to Itachi as penance. He’s a failure._

 

Kakashi’s eyes open slowly. He reaches for his chest, his neck, his stomach, hands searching for the blades burning hot inside of him. The pain is still vivid but his skin is unmarred and free of blood. He thinks he feels some in his throat, hot and rising up towards his mouth. He manages to make it to the window before he vomits, phantom pain twisting through him. He clutches at his belly as if to hold his own guts inside, and tries to catch his breath in between sobs and gags.

It’s some time before he can think past the pain, before he recognizes it for the memory it is. Breathing is difficult but not impossible, and he spits over and over again, until his mouth is dry and his throat is raw.

Guilt leaves Kakashi feeling gutted. He misses the pain even as his body quails at the memory of it. He deserves to suffer.

 

Kakashi finds himself outside of Tenzou’s apartment, barefoot and wearing only his sleep clothes. The lights are off but he doesn’t seem to notice, can’t think past reaching the other man. He approaches the window and makes the proper signs before lifting it from the sill. Tenzou is armed and on his feet before Kakashi finishes rolling inside.

Tenzou frowns, halting his blade just short of Kakashi’s neck. “Kakashi? Shit, what’s wrong? Where are you hurt?”

Tenzou flicks on the light and starts checking Kakashi for injuries. Kakashi bats away his searching hands and calmly lifts his own shirt, tossing it to the floor. He stands there in nothing but his boxers for a single breath and then sinks to his knees. His mind buzzes and he lets himself be overwhelmed by the sound; Kakashi sinks deep into himself.

Tenzou drops down with him, still looking frightened. “‘Kashi?”

Kakashi crosses his arms behind his back. He grabs his right wrist with his left hand, drops his chin, and waits.

Tenzou stares in utter disbelief. Kakashi has always been waiting when they’ve done this before. He’s never seen the blankness, the lifeless will as he prepares himself. It makes Tenzou uneasy in a way few things still can, and he suddenly wants nothing more than to hold Kakashi.

He drops the kunai he’d grabbed at the first sign of danger and tips up the elder man’s chin. Kakashi won’t meet Tenzou’s eyes, but it doesn’t seem intentional, more like his mind is just seeing something else. The energy coming off of him is different than it’s been in the past, less like a wounded animal slinking off to its den and more like… like a creature calmly awaiting its death. Tenzou swallows, weight settling deep in the muscles of his shoulders.

_This isn’t right._

Tenzou brushes his thumb over Kakashi’s cheek in a soft, circular pattern, something he hopes is soothing. “Kakashi?”

No answer. No recognition either. Kakashi simply stares through his chest. Tenzou’s voice wavers when he tries again. “Kakashi? Hey, look at me.”

“On.” Kakashi says, and Tenzou blinks, confused by the non sequitur.

Then it registers.

The mask.

Tenzou feels tears welling up in his eyes. “Kakashi?”

“ _On_.” Kakashi says again, emotion leaking into his voice this time, and Tenzou watches in helpless horror as a tear drops down from Kakashi’s dead eyes.

Fuck. No. No, he can’t do this. This isn’t _right_. Whatever happened, whatever Kakashi think he needs, this can’t possibly be the right course of action. Not like _this_. Tenzou swallows and waits until he can keep his voice steady.

“Kakashi, I need you to talk to me, okay? That’s…” He swallows, feeling sick, like he’s taking advantage. “That’s an order.”

“On.” Kakashi says again as more tears begin to fall. “ _Please._ ”

Well, that’s something at least.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Tenzou says, feeling like he’s testing for thin ice.

“I am.” Kakashi says without hesitation.

Tenzou bites his tongue and blinks through a rush of tears. This isn’t the time for arguments. “That’s not… I mean, what happened?”

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I let him leave. He was right; I deserved it all.” Kakashi says the words in a whisper, a haunted sort of monotone that brings goosebumps to Tenzou’s skin.

 _Sasuke. He’s talking about Sasuke._ Tenzou realizes, and hates himself for not recognizing that Kakashi wasn’t getting better or holding steady, but was obviously crashing this whole time, chasing after his own breaking point. Kami, just yesterday Tenzou was thinking about holding Kakashi forever and now he can’t say for certain that he’ll survive the night.

“ _No._ ” Tenzou says, immediate and full of feeling. “No, Kakashi, it wasn’t your fault. We _all_ failed him. The whole damn village, every single one of us. This isn’t on you.”

“Tenzou, please. I can’t- I need to…” Kakashi finally meets his eyes, his own flicking around rapidly, away and back again. His voice cracks and his breathing grows ragged. “I- _On_. I want to keep the mask on.”

Tenzou swallows and forces himself to relax. It won’t do Kakashi any good if he loses it right now. He gently rests his hands on Kakashi’s bare shoulders.

“Kakashi, I am not going to hurt you right now.” Tenzou says earnestly.

Kakashi’s face twitches with frustration. He grits his teeth and shakes his head. His voice cracks in his desperation. “ _Please-_ “

Tenzou tightens his grip on Kakashi’s shoulders and shakes his head. “No. Whatever you think you deserve, you’re wrong. It wasn’t your fault. I’m not going to- Kakashi, please, I _can’t._ ”

Kakashi blinks, caught off guard by Tenzou’s own broken plea. He looks startled, like he’s just arrived to find everything falling apart. Tenzou bites back his emotions. Fuck, this isn’t about him.

Kakashi gapes, looking desperately lost. Tenzou knows the feeling.

“I can- I can give you anything else tonight, but not that. Not like this. That’s not… It’s not right. Please, _please_ don’t ask me to do that right now.” Tenzou asks.

“But it’s my fault.” Kakashi says softly, not understanding. Tenzou hears the fear behind the confusion, and it takes a moment before he realizes that Kakashi is taking this as a rejection.

He shakes his head and pulls Kakashi into his chest, arms trembling. “No. No, it’s not. Please believe me. This wasn’t your fault.”

Tenzou’s mind is awhirl with regret. Has he been contributing to Kakashi self-hatred this whole time? Did he make the wrong call when he agreed to do this for him in the past? Did Kakashi think Tenzou blamed him for all the shitty things in their lives, that he actually _wanted_ to hurt him?

Tenzou holds on tighter, feeling the black hole of guilt expanding in his core. He never wanted that, never believed that. He thought… he thought he was helping. Kakashi seemed to need…

Tenzou feels himself start to shake.

What has he done?

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Kakashi. I thought-.” Tenzou swallows hard and pulls back. He keeps his hands firm on Kakashi’s shoulders.

“Listen, I know you hate it when I say this, but I love you, Kakashi.”

Kakashi looks put upon, mouth searching for words. Tenzou speaks for him. “I know. I know you can’t say it back-“

“Someday.” Kakashi cuts in with a sharp whisper.

“Someday.” Tenzou agrees. “But I need you to know that. I love you. And I don’t blame you. I don’t believe you deserve to be punished for what happened. I never have. It’s just a shitty situation. Please understand that. _I don’t blame you._ ”

Kakashi swallows harshly. “But they do.”

_They?_

“Who does?”

“Sasuke. Itachi.”

Tenzou feels the blood drain from his face. Flashes of Kakashi in a hospital bed, of Tsunade shrugging sadly. Kami, is that why Itachi had-?

“They’re wrong.” Tenzou presses, because there’s really nothing else he can say. “You said it yourself: you were just some guy Sasuke knew for a few months. What could you possibly have done?”

“I could have gone after him.”

“And done _what?_ ” Tenzou demands. “Gotten killed by Orochimaru?”

“At least he’d know somebody gave a damn about him.” Kakashi glares and tries to pull away. Tenzou holds on tight.

“If he couldn’t see that, he’s an idiot. Prodigy of the Uchiha or not.”

Kakashi is quiet for a long moment. When he speaks, his voice is soft. “He was just a kid.”

And that? That Tenzou can’t dispute. Because he remembers when they were children, how they had been alone, the things they had gone through and the anger that still lingers. It’s a dull, aching thing in Tenzou, tempered by time until it became a melancholy acceptance. But Kakashi’s anger...

Kakashi’s anger had become a force of will, something that turned him against the codes they were supposed to honor.

“What do you need?” Tenzou asks gently, lifting his hand to cup the back of Kakashi’s neck. The skin beneath his palm is cool.

Kakashi is silent for a moment, gathering his courage. His lips part with hesitation.

“Penance.”

Tenzou swallows. His grip tightens as he fights the shaking in his hands.

“It doesn’t… I’m _sorry._ ” To ask this of you. For needing this. For coming back.

Tenzou stares back into Kakashi’s eye, open and yielding, his soul laid bare. And he doesn’t want to do this, doesn’t want to hurt Kakashi, _can’t_ , not now, not like this, but maybe…

Tenzou stands, his hand sliding around to cup Kakashi’s chin. Kakashi tilts his head back to maintain eye contact and Tenzou takes a deep breath. This is either going to help Kakashi or destroy him.

Kakashi’s shoulders roll as he senses the change in Tenzou.

“What… what are you going to do?” He asks hopefully.

Tenzou swallows. His voice sounds raspy to his own ears when he speaks. “I’m going to give you what you need.”

Tenzou gives a gentle squeeze to Kakashi’s chin before he lifts his hands away to begin forming signs for a henge. It’s been some time since he’s seen the other man, but he remembers enough to make this work. It won’t be perfect, but it will be a passable reproduction.

Kakashi’s sharigan flashes for a second after the henge has taken effect, as if to reassure himself that the danger is in fact an illusion, and then he closes it again, accepting the deception.

Itachi Uchiha stands in Tenzou’s place.

Kakashi lowers his head to the floor in a bow. “Itachi…”

“Sit up.” Tenzou orders, letting himself sink into the role like he would on a mission. He can’t hurt Kakashi tonight, but Itachi can.

Kakashi does as ordered and returns to his knees. He stares forward, waiting, head level and eyes downcast.

“If it’s penance you wish, it’s penance you’ll do.” Tenzou says in Itachi’s low growl. Kakashi closes his eye in acceptance, forcing his body to stay lax and still, accepting his fate.

The lights are on this time, so Tenzou’s canvas is much larger. He examines it with the cold calculation characteristic of Itachi during his time in ANBU, discarding location after location.

Kakashi has lost weight.

Tenzou grits his teeth. _Don’t pay attention to that right now. Itachi wouldn’t care. Play the role._

Tenzou reaches forward and jabs the heel of his hand into Kakashi’s left pectoral, as if by acting he can silence his doubts. Kakashi lets out a rush of breath and curls forward. Tenzou grabs Kakashi’s shoulders as he does and brings up his knee against the other man’s falling sternum, soft enough to be safe but hard enough to make Kakashi’s breath catch. Tenzou lowers his knee slowly, holding Kakashi up by his shoulders.

“Apologize.” He orders in Itachi’s voice and lets go once Kakashi is stable again.

“I’m sorry.” Kakashi says, still a bit breathless.

Itachi’s fingers dig into the hair at the back of Kakashi’s head and forcibly tilt his face up. “For?”

Kakashi looks up at him earnestly, more tears pooling in his eyes. “For failing Sasuke.”

“Good.” Itachi kicks at the inside of Kakashi’s right thigh. Kakashi’s muscles twitch in response, and Itachi takes the opportunity to strike the other man’s left cheek with an open palm. Kakashi’s head is halted by the hand in his hair. He hisses.

“Apologize.” Itachi orders again.

“I’m sorry.” Kakashi says. Itachi stomps on the top of his thigh. Kakashi grunts; Even though the boots are just another part of the henge, it hurts.

Itachi pulls his hair. “Again.”

Kakashi squeezes his eyes shut and arches his head back. “I’m sorry.”

Itachi lets go of his hair and promptly uses that hand to slap Kakashi’s other cheek. The mask cushions the blow, but his head still snaps to the side. Itachi pinches Kakashi’s ear and drags his head back to face forward again.

“Again.” Itachi demands, releasing the other man roughly.  
  
“I’m sorry, Itachi. I’m so sorry.” Kakashi cries.   
  
“No. Not sorry enough. Not yet.” Itachi growls. He kicks out again, driving his foot into the side of Kakashi’s calf. Before Kakashi can even register the hit, Itachi’s foot is stomping down on his leg again. Two more blows rain down on him in the same spot, bringing a bright red flush to the skin of Kakashi thigh. It’s not nearly enough to incapacitate him, but it takes an immense amount of will power not to retaliate or run.   
  
Kakashi squeezes his eyes shut and curls his fingers tighter around his own wrist. Itachi continues kicking his legs, stamping more bruises into his skin. Kakashi breathes through the pain and focuses on staying still and keeping his shoulders relaxed. He deserves this. This is his penance.   
  
He sees Sasuke’s face on the inside of his eyelids, young and naive and grimacing in pain while Kakashi attempts to seal his curse mark. He sees his own hands pushing back Sasuke’s sweat-soaked hair, hears himself making promises he’s since broken. He remembers these words, assurances that all would be well, that the pain would pass.   
  
He imagines each strike on his own body falling onto Sasuke’s, imagines each bruise left by Orochimaru’s cruelty, and thinks: I deserve this.   
  
It takes some time before he realizes the assault has ended, that Itachi has stepped back and is now waiting for him to speak again.

Kakashi licks his dry lips. He has to force strength into his voice. ”I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left him there. He shouldn’t have been alone.”

Itachi snarls and snatches Kakashi by the hair again. “That’s right. He shouldn’t have been.”

Anger begins to deep through Itachi’s cold veneer. “He was at the top of his class; I knew he would make it to genin. My only error was in believing that his team would give a damn about him!”

 _You left him too!_ Kakashi wants to shout, _Why did you leave him? Why did you leave_ us?

A sharp smack to the face knocks the fight back out of him. Itachi’s guilt doesn’t negate his own. They both let Sasuke down.

Whatever else he did, Itachi at least had reason to believe someone would take care of his brother. Kakashi was under no such illusions; He saw the way the Village distanced itself from the Uchiha tragedy. But he let himself be blinded by what he saw of himself in Sasuke, assumed the experience had left the boy with a level of maturity far beyond his years.

And while it had, Sasuke was different than he had been. Kakashi had built his life around his past mistakes, always seeking absolution and approval. Sasuke had more pride than that. He had found purpose in revenge. Kakashi should have recognized the danger in that.

“Why didn’t you go after him?” Itachi asks, interrupting Kakashi’s thoughts.

Kakashi glares up at the other man. “He was a missing Nin. Konoha would have-“

Itachi’s hand snap out and grabs Kakashi by the throat. “I’m not asking about Konoha. I’m asking about you. Why didn’t _you_ go after him?”

His grip loosens enough for Kakashi to speak. He doesn’t though. There’s nothing he can say that will make this alright.

There are reasons. Others would likely even consider them valid ones. Kakashi had his orders. Even if he hadn’t been forbidden from attempting to reclaim Sasuke, Konoha would have imprisoned or even killed the boy for defecting if he’d returned.

These won’t hold up under Itachi’s scrutinizing gaze. He knows Kakashi too well.

“Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum. Sasuke needed you.”

“So did Naruto and Sakura.”

“No. They didn’t. You wanted them to, but they didn’t need you. They left you too.”

Kakashi‘s eyes shift, distant, shielded. Tenzou plants his feet to stop his calves from twitching. Did he go too far? He needs Kakashi to break, but not so much that he can’t be rebuilt.

Nerves eat at him. He has to push them down and trust himself, trust that he knows what he’s doing, that he knows Kakashi. Tenzou slips back into the role.

“You failed him. You admitted it. And now you’re paying for it.”

Kakashi comes back, guard slipping away again, accepting of his sentence. Itachi throws another punch, and he takes it with a single grunt of pain.

Itachi only pauses a moment before striking out again. He circles Kakashi like prey, kicking and punching at his own convenience. The rules of interrogation don’t technically apply here, but they are etched into his bones so he follows them. He won’t do anything to permanently harm his target or interfere with his ability to answer questions. Pain is dealt for the sake of pain.

Vary your attacks, keep them on edge. Don’t let them anticipate your next strike. A successful interrogation requires the hostage to feel helpless.

“Speak.” He orders coldly, cracking his knuckles against Kakashi’s pale skin.

“I’m sorry.” Kakashi wheezes, instinctively curling forward over his knees. Itachi grabs a fistful of his hair and drags him upright again. He glares down into Kakashi’s watery eye and pushes him back with enough force to knock him from his knees. Kakashi grunts as he lands on his hands. He squeezes his eyes shut.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Sasuke, Itachi, I’m so sorry.”

“Get up.” Itachi orders. Kakashi scrambles to comply, hands still locked behind his back. He seats a bit as he makes it to his knees, and Itachi reaches out to steady him. Kakashi fights off a flinch at the connection.

“I’m sorry.” He says again, wracked with guilt. Tears finally break free from his control but he talks through them, needing so desperately for someone to understand. He never meant for things to turn out this way. He loved Sasuke. Sasuke was supposed to be a part of his new family.

Itachi stands y’all before the older man, face still and closed off in contrast.

“I believe you.” He says, and brings his knee up to connect with Kakashi’s chest. He doesn’t hold back this time.

Kakashi collapses, no longer able to hold himself up. He hangs there, a trembling mess against Itachi’s body.

Itachi slowly wraps his arms around Kakashi’s weakened figure. He leans down to place his lips beside the other man’s ear. “I forgive you, Kakashi.”

A sob tears free from Kakashi’s throat and his shaking increases. He nods gratefully, unable to speak.

After another minute or so, Tenzou lets the henge drop. Kakashi clings to him tighter the moment he resumes his usual appearance, and he grabs back with the same intensity. “Shh, shh, it’s okay, firefly. I’m here now. I've got you.”

Tenzou feels Kakashi’s nails biting into his back and lifts one hand to thread his fingers through Kakashi’s sweaty hair. It seems to help soothe him, the pressure of his nails easing as he presses into Tenzou‘s chest. Kakashi’s ragged breathing is the only sound in the room.

When he speaks, it’s in a broken, wet, whisper, “Thank you.”

Tenzou clutches Kakashi tighter, nodding his understanding. He takes a moment to compose himself before speaking again. “Come on. Let’s get you off the floor.”

Tenzou carefully helps Kakashi to his feet, easily taking the smaller man’s weight. Bastard really hasn’t been eating enough these past few weeks. He doesn’t resist as Tenzou lifts his bruised legs up off the floor and carries him over to the bed.

Tenzou crawls up onto the bed beside his lover and folds Kakashi back into his arms. He notices with some surprise that Kakashi is hard.

“It’s not for him.” Kakashi says quickly. Tenzou frowns, because he’d never considered that, and because the alternative actually disturbs him a bit more. This wasn’t like the times they’ve done this in the past. Then, the pain was just another aspect of sex. It was about release in all forms. Tonight though… tonight had nothing to do with sex, and yet, Kakashi is hard.

“I’m sorry.” Kakashi says, bending his knees up as if to hide himself. Tenzou reaches out with a gentle hand and pushes his legs back down.

“No, it’s okay. I just don’t really understand.”

“I think it’s the adrenaline. Or maybe the relief.” Kakashi explains with averted eyes, casually swiping at the tears on his face.

“That makes sense.” Tenzou says. “Do you want me to-?”

Tenzou gestures towards Kakashi’s arousal. Kakashi looks away, blushing. He drags an anxious hand through his hair and shrugs. “Nah. It’ll go away.”

Tenzou frowns and gently tips Kakashi‘s head back towards him. Kakashi hesitantly meets his gaze, a perfect mask of calmness already settled over his features. The pinkness of his ears gives him away.

“Hey.” Tenzou says gently as he crawls onto Kakashi’s body. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“That’s definitely debatable.” Kakashi mumbles back.

Tenzou frowns. “Yeah, maybe you’re right."  
  
Kakashi's eye narrows almost imperceptibly.  
  
Tenzou doesn't let him down. "Your hair looks really stupid right now.”

Kakashi’s eye snaps back to his, wide with the slightest bit of shock. It shifts to joy and he promptly shoves Tenzou back, flipping their positions. Tenzou’s hands snap up to Kakashi’s biceps and he uses their momentum to roll them over a second time, regaining his position on top.

Kakashi smirks up at him, and Tenzou realizes they’re right on the edge of the bed. He has just long enough for this to register before he’s being tipped over onto the floor.

A little legwork brings Kakashi down with him.

On top of him, actually, so Tenzou’s victory is incredibly short lived.

The two men grapple at each other, rolling across the floor, banging ankles and elbows against the bed frame and burning their knees on the carpet. Tenzou gets the feeling that Kakashi is going easy on him, but once he manages to get the older man in a headlock, he supposes exhaustion is probably a more likely factor. He's not going to let up though. Opportunities like this don't come every day.

Tenzou pulls Kakashi’s back tightly against his chest.

“Say it.” He growls gleefully into Kakashi’s right ear.

Kakashi tilts his head forward, like he’s considering submitting, and it’s just enough warning for Tenzou to move his face to the side and out of the path of Kakashi’s attempted head butt.

“That trick doesn’t work on me anymore.” He laughs.

“No, but this one does.” Kakashi says right before he turns his head to bite Tenzou’s now exposed cheek.

“Owe! What the fuck!” Tenzou immediately shoves Kakashi off of his body. He definitely feels a tongue slide along his face with the motion.

Tenzou lifts a hand up to his cheek to confirm that he’s bleeding. “You fucking maniac.” He says breathlessly and with a stupid degree of fondness. Kakashi laughs at him with noticeably bloody teeth and immediately lunges forward, pinning his forearm against Tenzou’s throat.

“What, didn’t get enough the first time?” Tenzou grunts as he fights to dislodge Kakashi’s arm. He tilts his bleeding cheek up towards Kakashi mockingly.

Kakashi responds by licking the wound. Really, Tenzou is ashamed of himself for not expecting that kind of bullshit as a response.

“No.” Kakashi jokes, and makes an exaggerated slurping sound as he licks Tenzou’s cheek. He eases up the pressure on Tenzou’s neck, apparently satisfied that he’s reestablished whatever weird dominance he needed to. Tenzou shoves him away with just a little more force than necessary, and Kakashi shifts his legs abruptly to keep his balance.

He sits up with a wild grin, straddling Tenzou’s knees. There’s pain tucked back behind his eyes, but the adrenaline is keeping it at bay for now.

Tenzou looks up at him tiredly, blood smeared across his face. “You’re a fucking animal, you know that?”

Kakashi throws his head back and laughs. He doesn’t stop even when Tenzou shoves him off.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I guess the ending was slightly wholesome? In a weird, shinobi kind of way?
> 
> Next chapter features Team 7, but it will probably be another long wait because I actually am still pretty sick. :/
> 
>  
> 
> Detailed Warnings:
> 
> Pretty fucked up role play: Tenzou uses a henge to make himself look like Itachi in order to give Kakashi the absolution he needs. (They don't have sex while Tenzou is transformed.)
> 
> Reluctant Dom: Tenzou has issues dominating a very emotionally unstable Kakashi.
> 
> Subdrop: Subdrop is a normal occurrence after entering subspace; think of it like the bdsm equivalent of a crash after a sugar rush. This drop is rather extreme due to the nature of the scene. Tenzou is a good dom and comforts Kakashi while he cries.
> 
> Torture: Kakashi has a nightmare about being tortured by Itachi again.
> 
> Minor blood: Kakashi bites Tenzou for shits
> 
> Impact Play: Tenzou essentially beats Kakashi up. There are strict guidelines for impact play defining where is safe, risky, and absolutely never okay to hit a partner. Tenzou goes for the safe and the risky.
> 
> Unsafe BDSM: Tenzou hits Kakashi in somewhat dangerous spots during impact play.
> 
> Mental Breakdowns: You know, because that's the fic...
> 
> PTSD: Kakashi struggles to deal with, well, everything, but especially Itachi's attack and his guilt over what happened to Sasuke.
> 
> Nightmares: Kakashi has a nightmare about being tortured by Itachi again.


	9. Flirty Flirts in the Dirty Dirts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Working title obvs)
> 
> Team Kakashi gets a lead on the Akatsuki. Kakashi’s “optimism” is contagious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I struggled SO much with this chapter. There were about three different plots that shifted around each other and changed chronology and exchanged pieces and I am so, so, SO relieved to finally have something for you guys! 
> 
> ANYWAY, I’d like to dedicate this chapter to my two most reliable commenters, Cassie_TheMiniMama and waterlilyblue! You’ve both always taken the time to give feedback and that’s a really amazing thing to keep up. This story would absolutely not have gotten this far without you guys and your continued motivation! <3<3<3 
> 
>    
> For those of you who skipped the last chapter, here's a brief summary: Kakashi went home and had a nightmare about Itachi's attack. Itachi blames Kakashi for not looking after Sasuke better, and Kakashi asks to be dominated to alleviate his guilt. Tenzou knows he can't convince Kakashi of his innocence, so he uses a henge to look like Itachi and beats Kakashi before finally forgiving him. Kakashi becomes aroused during the scene but is embarrassed about it. Tenzou reassures him that there's nothing to be embarrassed about and they wrestle.
> 
> No warnings for this chapter! Just Team Kakashi and some sleepy make outs;)

Kakashi spends much of the following morning reading while lounging on a rooftop near the market. His body aches like it might after a particularly violent mission. Bruises throb in time with his pulse, but there’s satisfaction behind the pain. He feels a little lighter, a little calmer. A little less like climbing to a higher tower and throwing himself off.

He knows that Itachi still blames him for what happened, and suspects Sasuke probably holds him accountable, too, but even the illusion of forgiveness has made breathing easier.  
  
Metaphorically, at least. Physically, his chest feels tight and heavy, swollen muscles seeming to press in on his lungs. He suspects he must look particularly shitty today, but he can’t be sure as he’s pretty much avoided all human interaction since he jumped out of Tenzou’s window earlier that morning, mid-lecture. He's a little surprised Tenzou hasn't tracked him down yet to continue fussing at him about his injuries, but the day is still young.  
  
He feels safe in the sun, free from both the existential terror and crushing guilt of last night. He dreads its inevitable return but buries that fear with the skill of a trained soldier. He knows better than to anticipate his own downfall. When you're busy bracing for one hit, it's hard to avoid the others.

Speaking of...

Kakashi doesn’t react when Tenzou lands in front of him, as familiar with the other man’s chakra as he’s ever been with anyone’s. He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t look up from his book when Tenzou doesn’t immediately continue his lecture from that morning.

A bloody scroll appears in Kakashi’s line of sight, and his eyes switch focus from his book, recognizing the Anbu seal.

“Got a lead on the Akatsuki.” Tenzou explains in a grim voice. “Three Anbu were killed during a standard reconnaissance mission a few days from here. One managed to send out a report about a large man with a sword covered in teeth.”

“Kisame.” Kakashi says softly as he takes the scroll. There’s very little written inside, just the description Tenzou had relayed to him, a location, and a date. The scroll is two days old.

“The Hokage thought you might be interested in a rematch.” Tenzou adds.

“Always.” Kakashi answers, glaring down at the blood stained paper.

“Good, because I already accepted the mission on your behalf. Team Kakashi leaves whenever you’re ready.”

Kakashi looks up at his friend, re-rolling the scroll. “The whole team?”

Tenzou nods. “Sakura is rounding the others up now.”

Kakashi stands smoothly, tucking his book away. “Good. We leave in two hours.”

  


They make camp that first night in the forest around Konoha, a little less than a third of the way to their destination. Naruto, Sakura, and Sai are all there, and it’s nice, being together like this, everyone sprawled around the fire and exchanging quips as they talk strategy and potential problems. It feels like family, like they’re all supposed to be here together. Kakashi is bright with hope and eager for revenge.

But as nice as everything is, it also kind of sucks because Kakashi keeps giving Tenzou these _looks_ across the fire and Tenzou wants to respond but he can’t very well throw Kakashi to the ground when the others are around. So that’s an issue, made even worse when Kakashi opens up his rations and eats them like he’s devouring sin. Tenzou didn’t think ration bars could be sexy, but Kakashi keeps taking these slow, measured bites, and letting his lips close slowly to break the last bit holding the bar together instead of his teeth, and it’s absolutely infuriating.

Tenzou should just glare at him or ignore it or say he has to go take a piss so he can have a moment alone to regain his control, but Kakashi has clearly been a bad influence on him because he does none of those things. Instead, he plays the game.

Tenzou bites into his own bar while holding Kakashi’s gaze, keeping his teeth on display until the last second, and closing down in swift bites. He eats his dinner like it’s an appetizer for something more, like he’s a predator waiting for the best moment to make his kill. His eyes linger on Kakashi’s neck.

Their teammates talk quietly amongst themselves, eating and complaining about their own meals, oblivious to the exchange. Kakashi smirks when he sees what Tenzou is doing. He slowly licks crumbs off of his lips, leaving them slick and inviting, glistening in the firelight.

It’s a dangerous game they’re playing, even with Sakura in the know and Naruto oblivious to anything he’s not interested in seeing. Sai is still an unknown; Despite the fact that his loyalties are slowly shifting away from the foundation, he was still raised in Danzo’s world, the same as Tenzou, and Tenzou remembers what he was taught then, why Kunoichi are frowned upon by some even now; Konoha needs bodies. You create live ones through sex or you create dead ones through violence.

Sai is a wild card, and he is suspicious by nature. They’re playing a very dangerous indeed.

But… they never really get away from danger, do they? They thrive on it, whether they want to or not. They are shinobi, afterall. So Tenzou finishes off his bar and locks eyes with Kakashi while he sucks his fingers clean.

Kakashi follows his movements intently, no longer licking his own lips to tease Tenzou but simply because they are dry with desire. Tenzou smirks around his ring finger, pushing the entire length into his mouth and slowly dragging it back out. He exhales gently across the top of the wet digit and feels warmer when Kakashi swallows.

Naruto makes an exaggerated noise of shock and disgust and Tenzou feels the blood drain from his face as swiftly as he sees it leave Kakashi's.

"What's the matter with you??" Naruto demands, jumping to his feet, and Tenzou realizes with relief that he's talking to Sai, who is-

Leaned very far over into Naruto's personal space.

"Sai." Tenzou says in that calm, parental voice of his, the one that's just an inflection and an octave away from making Kakashi hard. Sai glances over and straightens back up. Tenzou gives him a semi-stern look and the younger boy scoots over a little farther away from Naruto.

Naruto glares at Sai again for good measure before resuming his seat, shooting suspicious glances over at the other teen. Sai looks back at him blankly and cocks his head. He looks like he's about to say something, so Kakashi speaks before he can escalate the situation. "Alright. It's getting pretty late. We should get to sleep so we can get an early start tomorrow. Yamato?"

Kakashi raises an eyebrow in invitation to Tenzou as he stands with a stretch and starts towards one of the tents.

“What?” Naruto asks, sounding anguished as he jumps to his feet again. He snatches up his pack and trails after the older Jounin. “But why can’t I sleep with you, Kakashi?”

Kakashi smiles brightly at the boy as he unzips the nearest tent. “Because you and Sai need to work through your differences if this team is going to succeed. And this is the perfect opportunity for that.”

If Tenzou didn’t know better, he would absolutely believe that was the only reason Kakashi insisted on sharing a tent with him. As it is, he _does_ know better, and he struggles to avoid making even the slightest of eye contact with Sakura.

Who doesn’t look disgusted or annoyed or like she’ll call them out, but more like the love struck child she used to be, caught up in the romance of a secret affair. She hides it rather well, but the smile is still there in her eyes and her bitten lips. Tenzou hopes his own blush isn’t visible in the firelight.

“But Kakashi!”

“Besides, Sai has first watch. That should give you plenty of time to fall asleep. Goodnight, Naruto.” Kakashi says with a cheeky smile, waving as he ducks into the tent. Tenzou shrugs and follows before Naruto can argue any further. The back of his neck burns.

Naruto turns towards Sakura, holding his pack against his chest, blushing coyly. “Hey, Sakura, do you think-“

“No way in hell.” She says and crawls into her own tent, zipping it up against his protests.

“Ugh, you’re all awful!” Naruto shouts. Sai looks over at his teammate blankly.

“Would you rather take first watch?” He offers.

Naruto glares at the other boy and throws his pack into the third tent. He follows it without an answer.

 

"You know, I almost believed you for a minute there." Tenzou teases quietly as he enters the tent. 

Kakashi shrugs, standing from where he’s lit their lamp to begin stripping down for the night. "Why wouldn't you? I'm a big fan of teamwork."

He turns around and gently tugs off Tenzou's happuri, taking care to swipe his thumb across Tenzou’s lower lip as he does. "See? Teamwork."

Tenzou smiles, taking the item when Kakashi passes it back to him and setting it beside his pack in the corner.

Kakashi removes his own headgear, and then his overshirt. Tenzou winces when he sees the bruises he left on Kakashi’s arms. These marks aren’t planned. They’re sloppy and careless. Dangerous. He let himself sink too deep into Itachi’s head, let the role take over, lost himself in the violence. He shouldn’t-

“Don’t.” Kakashi admonishes even as he pulls the shirt over his head, his voice muffled. His face pops free, glare already in place and ready to be leveled at Tenzou. “I mean it.”

Tenzou drags his eyes up to meet Kakashi’s guiltily. “Kakashi-“

“No. We’re not doing that.” Kakashi interrupts, bending over to douse their lamp, leaving them in the dark. Tenzou hears him continuing to undress.

“Okay, that’s unfair. You can still see with your Sharingan.”

“Which is why it’s a good thing I’m so passionate about teamwork.” Kakashi says back, now standing much closer. Tenzou feels the other man begin to undress him. Not even his annoyance can hide his amusement, though Kakashi definitely tests that as he removes the rest of their clothes and throws them towards the front of the tent carelessly.

Tenzou rolls his eyes. “You’re doing that on purpose.”

”Doing what?” Kakashi asks as Tenzou’s shoe strikes something with a clang.

Tenzou glares, hoping Kakashi is looking at him. Kakashi doesn’t give any indication either way, instead taking Tenzou’s hand and leading him over to their bedrolls.

“I’m fine.” He says, “You didn’t break anything. We’ve both had worse.”

Which is about the least reassuring thing Kakashi could possibly say, given their medical histories. He wonders if Kakashi sees the way his glare darkens. Fingers lay gently over his eyes, informing him that yes, he definitely does.

Tenzou can’t not smile, loving how the darkness brings out Kakashi’s playful side. Slowly, the fingers work back into his hair and then away. He hears the other man undressing and then laying down.

“Come here. I’ll prove I’m okay.” Kakashi teases, sliding the arch of his foot along the back of Tenzou’s ankle seductively. Tenzou jumps out of the way an instant before Kakashi pulls his own foot forward in an attempted takedown.

Kakashi laughs, and Tenzou wishes he could see it.

“Playing hard to get?” He asks.

“Never.” Tenzou smirks, carefully lowering himself into the space beside Kakashi’s voice. Lips press against his as he settles, gentle and smiling in the darkness.

Tenzou’s eyes open uselessly in surprise, and he reaches up to trace his fingers over Kakashi’s bare cheek and chin. Kakashi’s smile stutters briefly, and Tenzou lets his fingers glide back up into more familiar territory, feeling the tension ebb away again.

They lay back together, kissing quietly in the darkness. Tenzou feels a strong sense of peace overcome him, relishing the feeling of Kakashi’s muscles, warm and relaxed against his own. Their lips move together lazily, bodies slowly being lulled to sleep by habit. Desire is only so strong against a lifetime of training yourself to sleep on the ground.

“Falling asleep?” Tenzou asks with a tired grin, his arms already wrapping around Kakashi.

“No.” Kakashi mumbles against Tenzou’s lips, his own eyes quickly growing heavy. “You?”

“Nope.” Tenzou shakes his head, snickering as their lips slide together. Kakashi laughs as well, his hand growing heavier on Tenzou’s ribs. Kakashi’s mouth slowly slides away as his neck relaxes, lips falling to rest against Tenzou’s chin.

 _Someday._  Tenzou thinks as he’s lolled to sleep by the rhythm of Kakashi’s breathing.

 

Tenzou wakes some time later to teeth gently nibbling at his jaw. He blinks to awareness, hands instinctively making their way into Kakashi’s hair. He hums, pleased, “Mmm. Hey.”

“Tease. You fell asleep on me.” Kakashi whispers.

Tenzou smiles, laughing softly through his nose. “Is that what happened? I guess I’ll have to make it up to you.”

He proceeds to do so, dipping his head to catch Kakashi’s lips with his own. Kakashi hums softly, stroking one hand across Tenzou’s abdomen. Tenzou’s right hand dances along Kakashi’s side, his left arm trapped beneath their bodies.

“Sounds like a plan.” Kakashi mutters back.

Their hands roam over each other’s bodies as they slowly come back to life in the darkness. It’s lazy and slow, so different than the ragged rutting from their youth or the hard rush of the past few months. Lazy and slow doesn’t last long though, fingers spreading and nails scratching lightly, breaths coming faster.

Tenzou reaches down to drag a palm over Kakashi’s growing hardness, grinning when the other man’s breath catches. Kakashi rolls his hips into the touch eagerly.

"Kakashi?"

They both freeze at the voice outside their tent, frozen in the darkness. Kakashi takes a moment to steady his breathing. "Yeah, Naruto?"

"Your watch is up." The teenager says with a loud yawn.

"Alright. I'll be out in a minute." Kakashi says flatly, staring a bit sadly at the spot where Tenzou is biting his own lip to stay quiet.

"Kay." Naruto says back tiredly. Sloppy footsteps crunch through the leaves as Naruto walks away again.

The tension in the tent changes following Naruto’s departure, becomes something stiff and awkward and a bit disappointed.

It lasts until Kakashi breaks the silence with an unamused snort of laughter, and then asks, “Care for a moonlit stroll?”

Tenzou smirks back at him. “Ooh, date night? Sounds romantic.”

Kakashi laughs as he sits up and starts redressing for his watch.

"I'll see you soon." He says over his shoulder once he's ready. Tenzou stretches his foot out to tap Kakashi’s ass as he leaves the tent, smiling softly. Kakashi turns and playfully kicks a pine cone back at him in response, laughing when it hits Tenzou in the chest.

 

Sai wakes up to the sound of laughter. Quiet, subdued laughter. He looks to his left to see Naruto wildly sprawled across the floor of their tent, still asleep. The voices are clearly male, and a quick touch of his chakra reveals that the two eldest members of their team are awake.

_Odd._

Sai sits up silently and crawls across the tent. He unzips the flap carefully to avoid making any additional noise. A peek out into the darkness reveals that the fire is low, little more than embers. The moon has begun its descent; based on its position, it’s around 3 o’clock in the morning.

They aren’t set to begin traveling again until a little before sunrise. Kakashi should be on watch until then.

And yet, Tenz- _Captain Yamato. He’s Captain Yamato now._

And yet, Captain Yamato is also awake.

Sai lowers the zipper further, just until he can peek his head out and look up at the two jounin. Kakashi is crouched Several meters up on a branch near the perimeter of their camp. Captain Yamato stands on the same branch, leaning back against the trunk with his arms crossed. He’s looking in the opposite direction, back towards their camp.

Sai frowns. A two man watch is rarely employed within their own territory. Then again, things have been uneasy between the nations as of late, and they are tracking the Akatsuki. But surely Kakashi would have informed them last night if he was that worried? He’s not one to sugar coat things like this.

Yamato shifts slightly and says something too soft for Sai to hear. Sai isn’t a sensor, but he’s worked with the older man long enough to pick up on the slight increase in tension. Has he spotted something?

“You know, it’s generally considered poor manners not to announce your presence to people.” Kakashi says, tossing a ration bar over his shoulder just in case Sai thought he’d remained unnoticed. It lands softly in front of the tent.

Sai unzips the tent the rest of the way, not as quietly as before but still softly. It wouldn’t help the mission if Naruto also failed to get a full night of sleep. (Though experience has shown him that such minor movements are unlikely to wake the other boy, he isn’t one to take unnecessary risks.) Sai slips out of the tent and closes it back up. He picks up the ration bar and climbs up to a branch next to the other members of his team. Kakashi rises and they shift positions so Sai can watch the farthest horizon, reflexively covering more ground.

“Is something the matter?” He asks, eyeing the trees around them.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Tenzou answers with a shrug.

Sai frowns. “That does not sound like you.”

Kakashi snorts softly. Sai wonders if he’s having an allergic reaction to something in their environment, but the sound stops quickly and Kakashi does not ask for Sakura, so Sai returns his attention to Yamato.

“There was a snake in the tent.” The brunette clarifies.

“Orochimaru?” Sai asks sharply as Kakashi makes another soft choking sound. Sai looks back to the other jounin. “Have you been poisoned?”

“I’m fine.” Kakashi says, clearing his throat. His eyes are strangely bright.

“Just a normal snake.” Tenzou answers. “It woke me up, is all.”

Of course. A snake would set any of them on edge. They have been tracking Orochimaru and his allies rather frequently lately. It’s no surprise Yamato couldn’t get back to sleep.

Sai nods. “In that case, I will return to my tent now. You should try to do the same, Captain Yamato.”

Tenzou nods and Sai jumps back down to the ground, returning to the tent.

“Told you you were being too loud.” Tenzou whispers once Sai has settled down again.

“A snake, huh?” Kakashi asks, ignoring the comment. He leans into Tenzou’s space with a smirk. “Was it big?”

“Biggest one I ever saw.” Tenzou answers back with a wide grin.

Kakashi hums, smiling slightly.  “You know, if you grab a snake just below the head, it can’t bite you.”

He curls his fingers into a very loose fist to demonstrate.

Tenzou glares at Kakashi and raises a hand to the healing wound on his cheek. “I’ll have to remember that. Though I have a feeling it doesn't work as well as you're implying."

“Mah, probably not.” Kakashi teases, leaning in close enough so Tenzou can hear his teeth snap together behind the mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to tell myself that someday I’ll be one of those people who writes chapters of a consistent length with consistent updates but I think we all know that's bullshit by now.
> 
> Anyway, please let me know what you thought! Comments help me save money on antidepressants ~~and kudos only count once on chaptered works ;)~~

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought! I absolutely love hearing from you guys, seriously. I don't care if you're reading this years after I posted it, feedback is always welcome!


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